
'V V / 



Tl 



^p t))t game 3[utI)or. 



POEMS. Diamond Editio7i. iSmo, ^i.oo. 

Household Edition. With Portrait. i2mo, $2.00. 

The Same. i2mo, full gilt, $2.50. 

Red-Line Edition. Illustrated. Small 4to, ^2.50. 

Blue and Gold Edition. 2 vols. 32nio, ^2.50. 

Illustrated Library Editioft. With Portrait. 8vo, $4.00. 

VISION OF SIR LAUNFAL. i6mo, 75 cents. 

The Same. Illustrated. Small 4to, ;j;2.oo. 

THE BIG LOW PAPERS. Series I. and II. i2mo, each 

$1.50. 
THREE MEMORIAL POEMS. i6mo, $1.25. 
THE ROSE. Illustrated. i6mo, $1.50. 
FIRESIDE TRAVELS. i2mo, $1.50. 
The Same. In " Riverside Aldine Series." i6mo, $1.00. 
AMONG MY BOOKS. Series I. and II. i2mo, each 

$2.00. 
MY STUDY WINDOWS. i2mo, $2.00. 
COMPLETE WORKS. 5 vols. i2mo, ;?9.oo. 

HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO., Publishers, 
BOSTON. 



2Dt)e Hitrr0itje ^iDine ^ttitts 



ME LIB CE US-HIPPONAX 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS 

SECOND SERIES 



"Ecrrii' ap' 6 IStwricrjabs evtore toO k6(Xij.ov ivapanoKv €fi(j)avi(mK(i)Tepov. 

LONGINUS 

" J'aimerois mieulx que mon fils apprinst aux tavernes a parler, 
qu' aux escholes de la parlerie." 

Montaigne 

„ linger ©prac^ ift au(^ ein ©prac^ unb fan \o wo^l ein <Bad nennen 
al3 bte Satiner saccus." 

FiSCHART 

" Vim rebus aliquando ipsa verborum humilitas affert." 

QUINTILIANUS 

" O ma lengo, 
Plantarey une estelo a toun f roun encrumit ! " 

Jasmin 




BOSTON 

HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY 

New York: 11 East Seventeenth Street 

STfje 3Si&ersitJe ^ress, Cambritise 

i8Ss 






Copyright, 1866, 
Br JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL. 

Copyright, 1S85, 
By HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO. 

All rights reserved. 



48 6555 

AUL. z i 1942 



Tlie Riverside Press, Cambridge : 
Ek'ctrotyped and Printed by II. 0. Houghton & Co. 



To 
E. R. HOAR 



" Multos enim, quibns loquendi ratio non desit, invenias, quos 
curiose potius loqui dixeris quam Latine ; quoiiiodo et ilia Attica 
anus Theophrastum, hominein alioqui disertissimum, annotata 
unius affectatione verbi, hospitem dixit, nee alio se id deprehen- 
disse interrogata respoudit, quam quod uimiuiu Attice loquere- 
tur." 

QUINTILIANUS. 



" Et Anglice sermonicari polebat populo, sed secundum linguam 
NorfolcMe ubi natus et nutritus erat."' 

Cronica Jocelini. 



"La politiqne est line pierre attach^e au cou de la litterature, et 

qui, en moius de six mois la submerge. . . . Cette politique va of- 

fenser mortellement une moiti^ des lecteurs, et ennuyer Tautre qui 

Ta trouT^e bien autremeut spticiale et ^nergique dans le journal du 

matin."' 

Uenbi Beile. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

Introduction 9 

The Courtin' 91 

No. I. — BiRDOFREDUM SaWIN, EsQ., TO Mr. 

HOSEA BlGLOW 97 

No. II. — Mason and Slidell : a Yankee Idyll 126 

No. III. — BiRDOFREDUM SaWIN, EsQ., TO Mr. 

HoSEA BiGLOW 163 

No. IV. — A Message of Jeff Davis in Secret 

Session 194 

No. V. — Speech of Hon. Preserved Doe in 
Secret Caucus 211 

No. VI. — Sunthin' in the Pastoral Line . . 232 

No. VII. — Latest Views of Mr. Biglow . . 247 

No. VIII. — Kettelopotomachia 263 

No. IX. — Table-Talk 274 



VI 11 CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

No. X. — Mr. IIosea Biglow to the Editor ok 

THE Atlantic Monthly .:...... 287 

No. XI. — Mr. IIosea Biglow's Speech in 
March Meeting 294 

Index 317 



INTKODUCTION. 

TnouGTt prefaces seem of late to have 
fallen under some reproach, . they have at 
least this advantage, that they set us again 
on the feet of our personal consciousness, 
and rescue us from the gregarious mock- 
modesty or cowardice of that we which 
shrills feebly throughout modern literature 
like the shrieking of mice in the walls of a 
house that has passed its prime. Having a 
few words to say to the many friends whom 
the " Biglow Papers " have won me, I shall 
accordingly take the freedom of the first 
person singular of the personal pronoun. 
Let each of the good-natured unknown who 
have cheered me by the written communica- 
tion of their sympathy look upon this Intro- 
duction as a private letter to himself. 

When, more than twenty years ago, I 
wrote the first of the series, I had no defi- 
nite plan and no intention of ever writ- 
ing another. Thinking the Mexican war, 
as I think it still, a national crime com- 



10 INTRODUCTION. 

mitted in behoof of Slavery, our common 
sin, and wisliing to put the feeling of those 
who thought as I did in a way that would 
tell, I imagined to myself such an up-coun- 
try man as I had often seen at anti-slavery 
gatherings, capable of district-school Eng- 
lish, but always instinctively falling back 
into the natural strongliold of his homely 
dialect when heated to the point of self-for- 
getfulness. When I began to carry out my 
conception and to write in my assumed char- 
acter, I found myself in a strait between two 
perils. On the one hand, I was in danger 
of being carried beyond the limit of my own 
opinions, or at least of that temper with 
which every man should speak his mind in 
print, and on the other I feared the risk of 
seeming to vulgarize a deep and sacred con- 
viction. I needed on occasion to rise above 
the level of mere patois^ and for this pur- 
pose conceived the Reverend Mr. Wilbur, 
who should express the more cautious ele- 
ment of the New England character and its 
pedantry, as Mr. Biglow should serve for its 
homely common-sense vivified and heated by 
conscience. The parson was to be the com- 
plement rather than the antithesis of his 
parishioner, and I felt or fancied a certain 



INTRODUCTION. 11 

humorous element in the real identity of 
the two under a seeming incongruity. Mr. 
Wilbur's fondness for scraps of Latin, 
though drawn from the life, I adopted de- 
liberately to heighten the contrast. Finding 
soon after that I needed some one as a 
mouthpiece of the mere drollery, for I con- 
ceive that true humor is never divorced from 
moral conviction, I invented Mr. Sawin for 
the clown of my little puppet-show. I meant 
to embody in him that half -conscious unmo- 
rality which I had noticed as the recoil in 
gross natures from a puritanism that still 
strove to keep in its creed the intense savor 
which had long gone out of its faith and life. 
In the three I thought I should find room 
enough to express, as it was my plan to do, 
the popular feeling and opinion of the time. 
For the names of two of my characters, 
since I have received some remonstrances 
from very worthy persons who happened to 
bear them, I would say that they were pure- 
ly fortuitous, probably mere unconscious 
memories of signboards or directories. Mr. 
Sawin's sprang from the accident of a rhyme 
at the end of his first epistle, and I purpose- 
ly christened him by the impossible surname 
of Birdofredum not more to stigmatize him 



12 INTRODUCTION. 

as the incarnation of "Manifest Destiny," 
in other words, of national recklessness as to 
right and wrong, than to avoid the chance of 
wounding any private sensitiveness. 

The success of my experiment soon began 
not only to astonish me, but to make me feel 
the responsibility of knowing that I held in 
my hand a weapon instead of the mere fen- 
cing-stick I had supposed. Very far from 
being a popular author under my own name, 
so far, indeed, as to be almost unread, I 
found the verses of my pseudonym copied 
everywhere : I saw them pinned up in work- 
shops; I heard them quoted and their au- 
thorship debated ; I once even, when rumor 
had at length caught up my name in one of 
its eddies, had the satisfaction of overhear- 
ing it demonstrated, in the pauses of a con- 
cert, that I was utterly incompetent to have 
written anything of the kind. I had read 
too much not to know the utter worthless- 
ness of contemporary reputation, especially 
as regards satire, but I knew also that by 
giving a certain amount of influence it also 
had its worth, if that influence were used on 
the right side. I had learned, too, that the 
first requisite of good writing is to have an 
earnest and definite purpose, whether aes- 



INTRODUCTION. 13 

thetic or moral, and tliat even good writing, 
to please long, must have more than an av- 
erage amount either of imagination or com- 
mon-sense. The first of these falls to the 
lot of scarcely one in several generations ; 
the last is within the reach of many in every 
one that passes ; and of this an author may 
fairly hope to become in part the mouth- 
piece. If I put on the cap and bells and 
made myself one of the court-fools of King 
Demos, it was less to make his majesty 
laugh than to win a passage to his royal 
ears for certain serious things which I had 
deeply at heart. I say this because there is 
no imputation that could be more galling to 
any man's self-respect than that of being a 
mere jester. I endeavored, by generalizing 
my satire, to give it what value I could be- 
yond the passing moment and the immedi- 
ate application. How far I have succeeded 
I cannot tell, but I have had better luck than 
I ever looked for in seeing my verses sur- 
vive to pass beyond their nonage. 

In choosing the Yankee dialect, I did not 
act without forethought. It had long seemed 
to me that the great vice of American writ- 
ing and speaking was a studied want of 
simplicity, that we were in danger of coming 



14 IN I no nil VT I ON. 

to loolv on our uiothor-tongiio as a dead lan- 
«;"ua5;(S to he souglii In tho i;raimnar and dic- 
tionary rather than in the heart, and that 
our oidy elianee of (vseape was by seekuig it 
jit its livini;* soureevS anioui;- those who were, 
as Scottowo says of Alajor-Ciener:d Ciibbons, 
** divinely illiterate." President Lincoln, the 
only really great publico man whom these 
latter days have seen, was great also in this, 
that he was master — witness Ids speech at 
(lettysbnrg — of a truly masculine English, 
classic because it was of no special period, 
and h'vel at once to the highest and lowest 
of his eountrynuMi. But whoever should read 
the debates in Congress might fani'y himself 
present at a meeting of the city council of 
some city of southern (laul in the declino 
of the Knipire, where barbarians with a 
Latin varnish enudated each otluM- in being 
more than Ciceronian. Whether it, be want 
of culture, for the highest outcome of that 
is simplicity, or for whatever reason, it is 
certain that very few American writers or 
s[>eakers wield their native language with the 
directness, precision, and force that are com- 
mon as the day in the mother country. AVe 
use it like Scotsmen, not as if it belonged to 
us, but as if we wished to prove that we be- 



INTRODUCTION. 15 

\o\v^ to it, by sliowIii<>; our intlinacy with its 
written rather than with its s[)ok(Mi dialect. 
And yet all tlie wlille our ))oi)ular idiom is 
racy with life and vigor and originality, buek- 
somo (as Milton used the word) to our now 
occasions, and proves itself no mere graft 
by sending up new suckers from the old root 
in spite of us. It is only from its roots in 
the living generations of men that a lan- 
guag(5 can bo reinforced with fresh vigor for 
its needs ; what may be calhul a literate 
dialect grows ever more and more pedantic 
and foreign, till it beconu^s at last as unfit- 
ting a vehicle for living tliouglit as monkish 
Latin. That we shonkl all l)e made to talk 
like books is the danger vvitli \vhi(rh we aro 
threatened by the Universal Sidioolmaster, 
who does his best to enslave the minds and 
memories of his victitns to what lie esteems 
the best models of English composition, that 
is to say, to the writers whose style is faultily 
correct and has no blood-warmth in it. No 
language after it has faded into diction^ 
none that cannot suck up tlie feeding juices 
secreted for it in the rich mother-earth of 
common folk, can bring forth a sound and 
lusty book. True vigor and luuirtini^ss of 
phrase do not pass from pa-g(i to p:ige, but 



16 INTRODUCTION. 

from man to man, where the brain is kindled 
and the lips supplied by downright living 
interests and by passion in its very throe. 
Language is the soil of thought, and our 
own especially is a rich leaf-mould, the slow 
deposit of ages, the shed foliage of feeling, 
fancy, and imagination, which has suffered 
an earth-change, that the vocal forest, as 
Howell called it, may clothe itself anew 
with living green. There is death in the dic- 
tionary ; and, where language is too strictly 
limited by convention, the ground for ex- 
pression to grow in is limited also ; and we 
get a potted literature, — Chinese dwarfs 
instead of healthy trees. 

But while the schoolmaster has been busy 
starching our language and smoothing it flat 
with the mangle of a supposed classical au- 
thority, the newspaper reporter has been do- 
ing even more harm by stretching and swell- 
ing it to suit his occasions. A dozen years 
ago I began a list, which I have added to 
from time to time, of some of the changes 
which may be fairly laid at his door. I give 
a few of them as showing their tendency, all 
the more dangerous that their effect, like 
that of some poisons, is insensibly cumula- 
tive, and that they are sure at last of effect 



INTRODUCTION. 



17 



among a people whose chief reading is the 
daily paper. I give in two columns the old 
style and its modern equivalent. 



Old Style. 

Was hanged. 

When the halter was put 
round his neck. 



A great crowd came to see. 

Great fire. 
The lire spread. 

House burned. 

The fire was got under. 

Man fell. 

A horse and wagon ran 
against. 



The frightened horse. 
Sent for the doctor. 



The mayor of the city in a 
short speech welcomed. 



I shall say a few words. 



New Style, 

Was launched into eternity. 
When the fatal noose was ad- 
justed about the neck of the 
unfortunate victim of his 
own unbridled passions. 
A vast concourse was as- 
sembled to witness. 
Disastrous conflagration. 
The conflagration extended 

its devastating career. 
Edifice consumed. 
The progress of the devour- 
ing element was arrested. 
Individual was precipitated. 
A valuable horse attached to 
a vehicle driven by J. S., 
in the employment of J. B., 
collided with. 
The infuriated animal. 
Called into requisition the 
services of the family phy- 
sician. 
The chief magistrate of the 
metropolis, in well-chosen 
and eloquent language, fre- 
quently interrupted by the 
plaudits of the surging mul- 
titude, ofRcially tendered the 
hospitalities. 
I shall, with your permission, 
beg leave to offer some brief 
observations. 



18 INTRODUCTION. 

Began his answer. Commenced his rejoinder. 

A bystander advised. One of those omnipresent char- 

acters who, as if in pursuance 
of some previous arrange- 
ment, are certain to be en- 
countered in the vicinity 
when an accident occurs, 
ventured the suggestion. 

He died. He deceased, he passed out of 

existence, his spirit quitted 
its earthly habitation, winged 
its way to eternity, shook off 
its burden, etc. 

In one sense this is nothing new. The 
school of Pope in verse ended by wire- 
drawing its phrase to such thinness that it 
could bear no weight of meaning whatever. 
Nor is fine writing by any means confined 
to America. All writers without imagina- 
tion fall into it of necessity whenever they 
attempt the figurative. I take two examples 
from Mr. Merivale's " History of the Ro- 
mans under the Empire," which, indeed, is 
full of such. " The last years of the age 
familiarly styled the Augustan were singu- 
larly barren of the literary glories from 
which its celebrity was chiefly derived. One 
by one the stars in its firmament had been 
lost to the world; Virgil and Horace, etc., 
had long since died ; the charm which 
the imagination of Livy had thrown over 



INTRODUCTION. 19 

the earlier annals of Rome had ceased to 
shine on the details of almost contemporary- 
history; and if the flood of his eloquence 
still continued flowing, we can hardly sup- 
pose that the stream was as rapid, as fresh, 
and as clear as ever." I will not waste time 
in criticising the bad English or the mixture 
of metaphor in these sentences, but will 
simply cite another from the same author 
which is even worse. " The shadowy phan- 
tom of the Republic continued to flit before 
the eyes of the Caesar. There was still, he 
apprehended, a germ of sentiment existing, 
on which a scion of his own house, or even 
a stranger, might boldly throw himself and 
raise the standard of patrician independ- 
ence." Now a ghost may haunt a murderer, 
but hardly, I should think, to scare him with 
the threat of taking a new lease of its old 
tenement. And fancy the scion of a house 
in the act of throwing itself upon a germ of 
sentiment to raise a standard! I am glad, 
since we have so much in the same kind to 
answer for, that this bit of horticultural 
rhetoric is from beyond sea. I would not 
be supposed to condemn truly imaginative 
prose. There is a simplicity of splendor, 
no less than of plainness, and prose would 



20 INTRODUCTION. 

be poor indeed if it could not find a tongue 
for that meaning of the mind which is be- 
hind the meaning of the words. It has 
sometimes seemed to me that in England 
there was a growing tendency to curtail lan- 
guage into a mere convenience, and to defe- 
cate it of all emotion as thoroughly as alge- 
braic signs. This has arisen, no doubt, in 
part from that healthy national contempt of 
humbug which is characteristic of English- 
men, in part from that sensitiveness to the 
ludicrous which makes them so shy of ex- 
pressing feeling, but in part also, it is to be 
feared, from a growing distrust, one might 
almost say hatred, of whatever is super- 
material. There is something sad in the 
scorn with which their journalists treat the 
notion of there being such a thing as a na- 
tional ideal, seeming utterly to have forgot- 
ten that even in the affairs of this world 
the imagination is as much matter-of-fact as 
the understanding. If we were to trust the 
impression made on us by some of the clev- 
erest and most characteristic of their peri- 
odical literature, we should think England 
hopelessly stranded on the good-humored 
cynicism of well-to-do middle-age, and should 
fancy it an enchanted nation, doomed to sit 



INTRODUCTION. 21 

forever with its feet under the mahogany in 
that after-dinner mood which follows con- 
scientious repletion, and which it is ill-man- 
ners to disturb with any topics more exciting 
than the quality of the wines. But there 
are already symptoms that a large class of 
Englishmen are getting weary of the do- 
minion of consols and divine common-sense, 
and to believe that eternal three per cent is 
not the chief end of man, nor the highest 
and only kind of interest to which the powers 
and opportunities of England are entitled. 

The quality of exaggeration has often 
been remarked on as typical of American 
character, and especially of American humor. 
In Dr. Petri's Gedrangtes Handhuch der 
Fremdw drier, we are told that the word 
humbug is commonly used for the exaggera- 
tions of the North Americans. To be sure, 
one would be tempted to think the dream 
of Columbus half fulfilled, and that Europe 
had found in the West a nearer way to 
Orientalism, at least in diction. But it 
seems to me that a great deal of what is set 
down as mere extravagance is more fitly 
to be called intensity and picturesqueness, 
symptoms of the imaginative faculty in full 
health and strength, though producing, as 



22 INTRODUCTION. 

yet, only the raw aiul formless inatcrial in 
winch ])oeti'y is to work. By and by, per- 
haps, the world will see it fashioned into 
poem and picture, and Kurope, which will 
be hard pnshed for originality erelong, may 
have to thank ns for a new sensation. The 
French continue to lind Shakespeare exag- 
gerated because he treated English just as 
our country-folk do wluni they speak of a 
" steep price,'' or say that they '' freeze to " 
a thing. The first postulate of an original 
literature is that a peo{)le slionld use tlieir 
language instinctively and unconsciously, as 
if it were a lively part of their growth and 
personality, not as the mere tori)id boon of 
education or inheritance. Even Burns con- 
trived to write very j)oor verse and ])rose in 
Kngiish. V^ulgarisnis are often only poetry 
in the egg. The late Mr. Horace Mann, in 
one of his })ubli(^ addresses, commented at 
some length on the beauty and moral sig- 
nificance of the French phrase fi'orlentcr., 
and called on his young friends to practise 
upon it in life. There was not a Yankee in 
his audience whose i)roblem had not always 
been to lind out what was about cast^ and to 
shape his course accordingly. This charm 
which a familiar expression gains by being 



INTRODUCTION. 23 

commented, as it were, and sot in a new ll^^lit 
by a foreign language, is curious and instruc;- 
tive. I cannot helj) thinking that Mr. Mat- 
thew Arnohl forgets this a little too much 
sometimes when he writes of the beauties of 
Frencjh style. It would not be hard to find 
in the works of Frencli Academicians phrases 
as coarse as those he cites from Burke, only 
they are veiled by the unfamiliarity of the 
language. J^ut, however this may be, it is 
certain that poets and peasants please us 
in the same way by translating words back 
again to their primal freshn(;ss, and infusing 
them with a delightful strangeness which is 
anything but alienaticm. What, for example, 
is Milton's " edge of battle " but a doing into 
English of the Latin acies ? Was die Gans 
gedacht dan der t^cJiwan vollhracJd^ what the 
goose but thought, that the swan full brought 
(or, to de-Saxonize it a little, what the goose 
conceived, that the swan achieved), and it 
may well be that the life, invention, and 
vigor shown by our popular speech, and tlie 
freedom with which it is shaped to the in- 
stant want of those who use it, are of the 
best omen for our having a swan at last. 
The part I have taken on myself is that of 
the humbler bird. 



24 INTRODUCTION. 

But it is affirmed that there is something 
innately vulgar in the Yankee dialect. M. 
Sainte-Beuve says, with his usual neatness : 
" Je definis un patois une ancienne langue 
qui a eu des malheicrs, ou encore une langue 
toute jeune et qui rHa pas faite fortune.^'' 
The first part of his definition applies to a 
dialect like the Provencal, the last to the 
Tuscan before Dante had lifted it into a 
classic, and neither, it seems to me, will quite 
fit a p)atois, which is not properly a dialect, 
but rather certain archaisms, proverbial 
phrases, and modes of pronunciation, which 
maintain themselves among the uneducated 
side by side with the finished and universally 
accepted language. Norman French, for ex- 
ample, or Scotch down to the time of James 
VI., could hardly be called patois^ while I 
should be half inclined to name the Yankee 
a lingo rather than a dialect. It has re- 
tained a few words now fallen into disuse in 
the mother country, like to tarry, to pro- 
gress., fleshy^ fall, and some others ; it has 
changed the meaning of some, as in freshet ; 
and it has clung to what I suspect to have 
been the broad Norman pronunciation of e 
(which Moliere puts into the mouth of his 
rustics) in such words as sarvant, parfect, 



INTRODUCTION. 25 

vartoo^ and the like. It maintains some- 
thing of the French sound of a also in words 
like chamber^ danger (though the latter had 
certainly begun to take its present sound so 
early as 1636, when I find it sometimes spelt 
dainger). But in general it may be said 
that nothing can be found in it which does 
not still survive in some one or other of the 
English provincial dialects. I am not speak- 
ing now of Americanisms properly so called, 
that is, of words or phrases which have 
grown into use here either through necessity, 
invention, or accident, such as a carry, a 
one-horse affair, a prairie, to vamose. Even 
these are fewer than is sometimes taken for 
granted. But I think some fair defence 
may be made against the charge of vulgar- 
ity. Properly speaking, vidgarity is in the 
thought, and not in the word or the way of 
pronouncing it. Modern French, the most 
polite of languages, is barbarously vulgar if 
compared with the Latin out of which it has 
been corrupted, or even with Italian. There 
is a wider gap, and one implying greater 
boorishness, between ministerium and mS- 
tier, or sapiens and sachant, than between 
druv and drove, or agin and agai^ist, which 
last is plainly an arrant superlative. Our 



26 INTR OD UCTl ON. 

rustic cove7'Iid is nearer its French original 
than the diminutive covevlet, into which it 
has been ignorantly corrupted in politer 
speech. I obtained from three cultivated 
Englishmen at different times three diverse 
pronunciations of a single word, — cowcum- 
ber, coocumher, and cucumber. Of these the 
first, which is Yankee also, comes nearest to 
the nasality of concombre. Lord Ossory as- 
sures us that Voltaire saw the best society 
in England, and Voltaire tells his country- 
men that handkerchief ^2i^ pronounced hari- 
hercher, I find it so spelt in Hakluyt and 
elsewhere. This enormity the Yankee still 
persists in, and as there is always a reason 
for such deviations from the sound as repre- 
sented by the spelling, may we not suspect 
two sources of derivation, and find an ances- 
tor for hercher in couverture rather than in 
couvrecheff And what greater phonetic va- 
gary (which Dryden, by the way, called fe- 
gary) in our lingua 7mstica than this ker 
for couvre ? I copy from the fly-leaves of 
my books where I have noted them from 
time to time, a few examples of pronuncia- 
tion and phrase which will show that the 
Yankee often has antiquity and very respect- 
able literary authority on his side. My list 



INTRODUCTION. 27 

miglit be largely increased by referring to 
glossaries, but to them every one can go for 
himself, and I have gathered enough for my 
purpose. 

I will take first those cases in which some- 
thing like the French sound has been pre- 
served in certain single letters and diph- 
thongs. And this opens a curious question 
as to how long this Gallicism maintained it- 
self in England. Sometimes a divergence 
in pronunciation has given us two words 
with different meanings, as in genteel and 
jaunty^ which I find coming in toward the 
close of the seventeenth century, and waver- 
ing between genteel and jantee. It is usual 
in America to drop the ic in words ending in 
ou7\ — a very proper change recommended 
by Howell two centuries ago, and carried 
out by him so far as his printers would al- 
low. This and the corresponding changes 
in musique, mitsick, and the like, which he 
also advocated, show that in his time the 
French accent indicated by the superfluous 
letters (for French had once nearly as strong 
an accent as Italian) had gone out of use. 
There is plenty of French accent down to 
the end of Elizabeth's reign. In Daniel we 
have riches' and counsel', in Bishop Hall 



28 mrRODucTJON. 

comet\ chapelain^ in JyormQ pictures^ virtue', 
presence', mortal', metnt', Jiainous', giant', 
with many more, and Marston's satires are 
full of tliem. The two latter, however, are 
not to be relied on, as they may be suspected 
of Chaucerizing. Herrick writes baptlme. 
The tendency to throw the accent backward 
began early. But the incongruities are per- 
plexing, and perhaps mark the period of 
transition. In Warner's " Albion's Eng- 
land " we have creator* and creature' side 
by side with the modern creator and crea- 
ture. E'nvy and e'nvying occur in Campion 
(1602), and yet envy' survived Milton. In 
some cases we have gone back again nearer 
to the French, as in rev'enue for reven'ue. I 
had been so used to hearing hnhecile pro- 
nounced with the accent on the first syllable, 
which is in accordance with the general ten- 
dency in such matters, that I was surprised 
to find imhec'ile in a verse of Wordsworth. 
The dictionaries all give it so. I asked a 
highly cultivated Englishman, and he de- 
clared for imbeceeV, In general it may be 
assumed that accent will finally settle on the 
syllable dictated by greater ease and there- 
fore quickness of utterance. Blas'phemous, 
for example, is more rapidly pronounced 



INTRODUCTION. 29 

than hlasphem' ous^ to which our Yankee 
clings, following in this the usage of many 
of the older poets. Amer'iccm is easier 
than Ameri'ccm, and therefore the false 
quantity has carried the day, though the true 
one may be found in George Herbert, and 
even so late as Cowley. 

To come back to the matter in hand. 
Our " uplandish men " retain the soft or 
thin sound of the u in some words, such as 
rule, truth (sometimes also pronounced truth, 
not trooth^, while he says noo for new, and, 
gives to vieiu and few so indescribable a 
mixture of the two sounds, with a slight nasal 
tincture, that it may be called the Yankee 
sliibboleth. In rule the least sound of a 
precedes the u. I find reide in Pecock's 
" Repressor." He probably pronounced it 
rayoole, as the old French word from which 
it is derived was very likely to be sounded 
at first, with a reminiscence of its original 
regula, Tindal has rueler, and the Coven- 
try Plays have preudent. As for noo, may 
it not claim some sanction in its derivation, 
whether from nouveau or neuf, the ancient 
sound of which may very well have been 
noof, as nearer novus f Beef would seem 
more like to have come from hiiffe than from 



30 JNTROD UC TION. 

hoeuf^ unless the two were mere varieties of 
spelling. The Saxon feio may have caught 
enough from its French cousin J9e2^ to claim 
the benefit of the same doubt as to sound; 
and our slang phrase a feio (as " I licked 
him a few ") may well appeal to im peu for 
sense and authority. Nay, might not lich 
itself turn out to be the good old word lam 
in an English disguise, if the latter should 
claim descent as, perhaps, he fairly might, 
from the Latin lamhere f The New England 
ferce for -fierce^ and perce for pierce (some- 
times heard as fairce and pairce^^ are also 
Norman. For its antiquity I cite the rhyme 
of verse and pierce in Chapman and Donne, 
and in some commendatory verses by a Mr. 
Berkenhead before the poems of Francis 
Beaumont. Our pairlous for jyerilous is of 
the same kind, and is nearer Shakespeare's 
parlous than the modern pronunciation. 
One other Gallicism survives in our pronun- 
ciation. Perhaps I should rather call it a 
semi-Gallicism, for it is the residt of a futile 
effort to reproduce a French sound with 
English lips. Thus ior joint, emj^loy, royal^ 
we have jynt, emply, i^yla-, the last differing 
only from rile (roil^ in a prolongation of 
the y sound. In Walter de Biblesworth I 



INTRODUCTION. 31 

find solives Englished by gistes. This, it is 
true, may have been pronounced jeests^ but 
the pronunciation J?/s^es must have preceded 
the present spelling, which was no doubt 
adopted after the radical meaning was for- 
gotten, as analogical with other words in oi. 
In the same way after Norman- French in- 
fluence had softened the I out of would (we 
already find woud for veut in N. F. poems), 
should followed the example, and then an I 
was put into could ^ where it does not belong, 
to satisfy the logic of the eye, which has af- 
fected the pronunciation and even the spell- 
ing of English more than is commonly sup- 
posed. I meet with eyster for oyster as early 
as the fourteenth century. I find dystrye 
for destroy in the Coventry Plays, viage in 
Bishop Hail and Middleton the dramatist, 
hile in Donne and Chrononhotonthologos, 
line in Hall, ryall and chyse (for choice) in 
the Coventry Plays. In Chapman's "All 
Fools " is the misprint of employ for imjjly^ 
fairly inferring an identity of sound in the 
last syllable. Indeed, this pronunciation was 
habitual till after Pope, and Rogers tells us 
that the elegant Gray said naise for noise 
just as our rustics still do. Our cornish 
(which I find also in Herrick) remembers 



82 INTRODUCTION. 

tlio Froiicli better tli:in cornice docs. While, 
cliii^liijj more closely to the An;;lo-S:ixon in 
(lro])|)inf]j the (j from the end of the jn'csent 
))jirtici|)l(\ tlie Y;inkee now and then jdeases 
himself with an exi)erinicnt in French nasal- 
ity in words cndinij^ in n. It is not, so far 
as my ex|)(Micncc i;()cs, very common, tlioni^h 
it may formerly liavc hccn more so. C<t/)- 
t'uKf^ for Instance, I never licard save in jest, 
th(^ habitnal form hvuv^ hcpjin. But at any 
rate it is no invcMition of ours. In that 
<lell!;litfnl old volume, '' Ane (-ompendions 
13uke of (Jodly and S})irituall Songs," in 
which I Iviiow not whether the piety itself 
or the simi)ricity of its expressiim be more 
charmini;-, 1 iind burdhu/^ (jardlmj^ and cous- 
ituj^ and in tlie State Trials uncertin(j used 
by a j^entleman. The n for mj I confess pre- 
f(MTinn^. 

Of Yankee preterites I find /v'.s.sr and rize 
for ?v;,s7' in Middlcton and Dryden, vllm, in 
Spenser, checs (^chosc^ in Sir tJohn Man- 
devil, give Q/(fve') in the Coventry Plays, 
s/icf (^shnt') in (folding's Ovid,^ het in Chap- 
man and in Wcever's Kpitaplis, thriv and 
sniit in Drayton, (put in Hen donson and 
Henry More, and 'j>/cd in the fastidious Lan- 

1 CiU-d ill \yarloii'.s Ohs. Fain/ Q. 



INTRODUCTION. 33 

(lor. Rid for roda was anciently common. 
So likewise was see for saw?, but I find it in 
no writer of authority, unless Chaucer's .se^e 
was so sounded. Shaw is used by Hector 
Boece, Giles Fletcher, and Drummond of 
Hawthornden. Similar strong preterites, 
like snaw^ thew^ and even mew^ are not with- 
out example. I find sew for sowed in Piers 
Ploughman. Indeed, the anomalies in Eng- 
lish preterites are perplexing. We have 
probably transferred flew from flov) (as 
the preterite of which I have heard it) to 
fly because we had another preterite in 
fled. Of weak preterites the Yankee retains 
growed^ hlowed^ for which he has good au- 
thority, and less often knowed. His sot is 
merely a broad sounding of sat^ no more in- 
elegant than the common got for gat^ which 
he further degrades into gut. When he says 
darst^ he uses a form as old as Chaucer. 

The Yankee has retained something of the 
long sound of the a in such words as axe., 
wax., pronouncing them exe, wex (shortened 
from aix., waix^. He also says hev and hed 
(have had) for have and had. In most 
cases he follows an Anglo-Saxon usage. In 
aix for axle he certainly does. I find wex 
and aisches (ashes) in Pecock, and exe in the 



34 INTRODUCTION. 

Paston letters. Chaucer wrote hendy. Dry- 
den rhymes can with men^ as Mr. Biglow 
would. Alexander Gill, Milton's teacher, in 
his " Lagonomia " cites hez for hath as pecu- 
liar to Lincolnshire. I find hayth in Col- 
lier's " Bibliographical Account of Early 
English Literature " under the date 1584, 
and Lord Cromwell so wrote it. Sir Chris- 
topher Wren wrote helcony. Tha'im for 
them was common in the sixteenth century. 
We have an example of the same thing 
in the double form of the verb thrash., 
thresh. While the New-England er cannot 
be brought to say instead for instid (com- 
monly ^stid where not the last word in a sen- 
tence), he changes the i into e in red for rid.) 
tell for till^ hender for hinder., rense for 
riiise. I find red in the old interlude of 
"Thersytes," tell in a letter of Daborne 
to Henslowe, and also, I shudder to men- 
tion it, in a letter of the great Duchess 
of Marlborough, Atossa herself ! It occurs 
twice in a single verse of the Chester Plays, 
which I copy as containing another Yankee- 
ism : — 

" Tell the day of dome, tell the heames blow." 

From this word hloio is formed hlowth, 
which I heard again this summer after a 



INTR OD U CTION. 35 

long interval. Mr. Wright ^ explains it as 
meaning " a blossom." With us a single blos- 
som is a hloiD^ while hloioth means the blos- 
soming in general. A farmer would say that 
there was a good blowth on his fruit-trees. 
The word retreats farther inland and away 
from the railways, year by year. Wither 
rhymes hinder with slender^ and Lovelace 
has renched for rinsed. In " Gammer 
Gurton " is sence for since ; Marlborough's 
Duchess so writes it, and Donne rhymes 
since with Amiens and patience., Bishop 
Hall and Otway with 'pretence., Chapman 
with citizens^ Dry den with providence. In- 
deed, why should not sithence take that 
form? 

^ sometimes takes the place of u, asjedge 
tredge^ bresh. I find tredge in the interlude 
of " Jack Jugler," hresJi in a citation by 
Collier from " London Cries " of the middle 
of the seventeenth century, and rescJie for 
rush (fifteenth century) in the very valu- 
able " Volume of Vocabularies " edited by 
Mr. Wright. Resce is one of the Anglo- 
Saxon forms of the word in Bosworth's A. 
S. Dictionary. The Yankee always shortens 
the u in the ending tui^e^ making ventur^ na- 

1 Dictionary of Obsolete aiid Provincial English. 



36 INTRODUCTION. 

tur^ pictur, and so on. This was common, 
also, among the educated of the last genera^ 
tion. I am inclined to think it may have 
been once universal, and I certainly think it 
more elegant than the vile vencher, naycher, 
pickchei', that have taken its place, sounding 
like the invention of a lexicographer with 
his mouth full of hot pudding. Nash in his 
" Pierce Penniless " has ventm\ and so spells 
it, and I meet it also in Spenser, Drayton, 
Ben eTonson, Herrick, and Prior. Spenser 
has torfrest, which can only be contracted 
from tortur and not from torcJier. Quarles 
rhj^mes nature with creator^ and Dryden 
with sath'e, which he doubtless pronounced 
according to its older form of satyr. 

I shall now give some examples which can- 
not so easily be ranked under any special 
head. Gill charges the Eastern counties 
with kiver for cover, and ta for to. The 
Yankee pronounces both too and to like ta 
(like the ton in touchy where they are not 
emphatic. In that case, both become tu. In 
old sjielling, to is the common (and indeed 
correct) form of to, which is only to with 
the sense of 171 addition. I suspect that the 
sound of our too has caught something from 
the French tout, and it is possible that the old 



INTRODUCTION. 37 

too-too is not a reduplication, but a reminis- 
cence of the feminine form of the same word 
(toutes) and as anciently pronounced, with 
the e not yet silenced. Gill gives a North- 
ern origin to geaun for gown and waund for 
wound (vulnus). Lovelace has waund^ but 
there is something too dreadful in suspecting 
Spenser (who horecdized in his pastorals) of 
having ever been guilty of geaun! And 
yet some delicate mouths even now are care- 
ful to observe the Hibernicism of ge-ard for 
guards and ge-url for girl. Sir Philip Sid- 
ney (credite posteri !) wrote furr iorfar. I 
would hardly have believed it had I not seen 
it in facsimile. As some consolation, I find 
furder in Lord Bacon and Donne, and 
Wither rhymes y«r with eur. The Yankee 
who omits the final d in many words, as do 
the Scotch, makes up for it by adding one in 
geound. The purist does not feel the loss of 
the d sensibly in lawn and yon., from the 
former of which it has dropped again after 
a wrongful adoption (retained in laundry}., 
while it properly belongs to the latter. But 
what shall we make of git^ yit^ and yis f I 
find yis and git in Warner's " Albion's Eng- 
land," yet rhyming with wit^ admit., and fit 
in Donne, with loit in the " Revenger's Trag- 



38 INTRODUCTION. 

edy," Beaumont, and Suckling, with writ in 
Dryden, and latest of all with wit in Sir 
Hanbury Williams. Prior rhymes fitting 
and begetting. Worse is to come. Among 
others, Donne rhymes again with sin, and 
Quarles repeatedly with in. Ben for heen^ 
of which our dear Whittier is so fond, has 
the authority of Sackville, " Gammer Gur- 
ton " (the work of a bishop). Chapman, 
Dryden, and many more, though bin seems 
to have been the common form. Whit- 
tier's accenting the first syllable of rom'- 
ance finds an accomplice m Drayton among 
others, and though manifestly wrong, is an- 
alogous with Rom'ans. Of other Yankee- 
isms, whether of form or pronunciation, 
which I have met with I add a few at 
random. Pecock writes sowdiers (^sogers, 
soudoyers)^ and Chapman and Gill sodder. 
This absorption of the I \^ common in vari- 
ous dialects, especially in the Scottish. Pe- 
cock writes also biyende^ and the authors 
of " Jack Jugler " and " Gammer Gurton " 
yender. The Yankee includes " yon " in 
the same category, and says " hither an' 
yen," for '•' to and fro." (Cf. German Je?^- 
seits.^ Pecock and plenty more have wras- 
tle. Tindal has agynste, gretter, shett, on- 



INTRODUCTION. 39 

done^ dehyte\ and scace. " Jack Jugler " 
has scacely (which I have often heard, 
though skurce is the common form), and 
Donne and Dryden make great rhyme with 
set. In the inscription on Caxton's tomb I 
find ynd for end., which the Yankee more 
often makes eend^ still using familiarly the 
old phrase " right anend " for " continu- 
ously." His " stret (straight) along " in 
the same sense, which I thought peculiar to 
him, I find in Pecock. Tindal's dehyte for 
deputy is so perfectly Yankee that I could 
almost fancy the brave martyr to have been 
deacon of the First Parish at Jaalam Centre. 
"Jack Jugler" further gives us playsent 
and sartayne. Dryden rhymes certain with 
parting., and Chapman and Ben Jonson use 
certain^ as the Yankee always does, for cer- 
tainly. The " Coventry Mysteries " have 
occapied, massage, nateralle, materal (ma- 
terial), and meracles, all excellent Yankee- 
isms. In the " Quatre fils, Aymon " (1504) ^ 
is vertus for virtuous. Thomas Fuller called 
volume vollum, I suspect, for he spells it vol- 
umne. However, per contra, Yankees habit- 
ually say colume for column. Indeed, to 

1 Cited ill Collier. (I give my authority where I do not 
quote from the original book.) 



40 INTRODUCTION. 

prove that our ancestors brought their pro- 
nunciation with them from the Old Country, 
and have not wantonly debased their mother 
tongue, I need only to cite the words scrip- 
ttir, Is7'aU, athists, and chcrfuhiess from 
Governor Bradford's " History." Brampton 
Gurdon writes shet in a letter to Winthrop. 
So the good man wrote them, and so the 
good descendants of his fellow-exiles still 
pronounce them. Purtend (^ pretend^ has 
crept like a serpent into the " Paradise of 
Dainty Devices ; '' 2)iirvlde, which is not so 
bad, is in Chaucer. These, of course, are 
universal vulgarisms, and not peculiar to the 
Yankee. Butler has a Yankee phrase and 
pronunciation too in " To which these carr'- 
ings-on did tend." Langham or Laneham, 
who wrote an account of the festivities at 
Kenilworth in honor of Queen Bess, and 
who evidently tried to spell phonetically, 
makes sorrows into sororz. Herrick writes 
Jiolloio for halloo^ and perhaps pronounced it 
(horresco suggerins /) holla^ as Yankees do. 
Why not, when it comes from hold? I find 
.ffelascliyppe (fellowship) in the Coventry 
Plays. Spenser and his queen neither of 
them scrupled to write afore ^ and the former 
feels no inelegance even in chaw, ^Fore 



INTRODUCTION. 41 

was common till after Herrick. Af eared was 
once universal. Warner has ery for ever a ; 
nay, he has also illy^ with which we were once 
ignorantly reproached by persons more famil- 
iar with Murray's grammar than with Eng- 
lish literature. And why not illy f Mr. Bart- 
lett says it is " a word used by writers of an 
inferior class, who do not seem to perceive 
that ill is itself an adverb, without the ter- 
mination ^2/5" and quotes Dr. Messer, Pres- 
ident of Brown University, as asking tri- 
umphantly, "Why don't you say welly .^ " I 
should like to have had Dr. Messer answer 
his own question. It would be truer to say 
that it was used by people who still remem- 
bered that ill was an adjective, the shortened 
form of evil^ out of which Shakespeare ven- 
tured to make evilly. The objection to illy 
is not an etymological one, but simply that 
it is contrary to good usage, a very sufficient 
reason. Ill as an adverb was at first a vul- 
garism, precisely like the rustic's when he 
says, " I was treated had^ May not the 
reason of this exceptional form be looked 
for in that tendency to dodge what is hard 
to pronounce, to which I have already al- 
luded ? If the letters were distinctly uttered 
as they should be, it would take too much 



42 INTRODUCTION. 

time to say ///-///, well-h/^ aiul it is to be ob- 
served that we have avoided tiDialJy and tally 
in the same way, though we add ish to them 
without liesitation in i^maJIish and tallish. 
We have, to be sure, dully and fully ^ but 
for the one we prefer stupidly, and the other 
(though this may have come from eliding 
the // before as) is giving nwny to full. Tlie 
uneducated, whose utterance is slower, still 
make adverbs when they will by adding like^ 
to all manner of adjectives. We have had big 
charged upon us, because we use it where an 
Englishman would now use great. I fully 
admit that it were better to distinguish be- 
tween them, allowing to big a certain con- 
temptuous quality, but as for authority, I 
want none better than that of Jeremy Tay- 
lor, who, in his noble sermon *' On the Ke- 
turn of Prayer," speaks of "Jesus, whose 
spirit was meek and gentle up to the great- 
ness of the biggest example." As for our 
double negative, I shall waste no time in 
quoting* instances of it, because it was once 
as universal in English as it still is in the 
neo-Latiu languages, where it does not strike 
us as vulgar. 1 am not sure that the loss of 
it is not to be regretted. But surely I shall 
admit the vulgarity of slurring or altogether 



INTRODUCTION. 43 

eliding certain terminal consonants ? I ad- 
mit that a clear and sharp-cut enunciation 
is one of the crowning charms and elegancies 
of speech. Words so uttered are like coins 
fresh from the mint, compared with the 
worn and dingy drudges of long service, — 
I do not mean American coins, for those 
look less badly, the more they lose of their 
original ugliness. No one is more painfully 
consci(ms than I of the contrast between the 
rifle-crack of an Englishman's yes and iio^ 
and the wet-fuse drawl of the same monosyl- 
lables in the mouths of my countrymen. 
But I do not find the dropping of final con- 
sonants disagreeable in Allan Ramsay or 
Burns, nor do I believe that our literary an- 
cestors were sensible of that inelegance in 
the fusing them together of which we are 
conscious. How many educated men pro- 
nounce the t in cJiestimtf how many say 
jientise for penthouse, as they should? When 
a Yankee skipper says that he is " boun' for 
Gloster" (not Gloucester, with the leave of 
the Universal Schoolmaster), he but speaks 
like Chaucer or an old ballad-singer, though 
they would have pronounced it hoo7i. This 
is one of the cases where the d is surrepti- 
tious, and has been added in compliment to 



44 INTRODUCTION. 

the verb hind^ with which it has nothing to 
do. If we consider the root of the word, 
(though of course I grant that every race 
has a right to do what it will with what is so 
peculiarly its own as its speech,) the d has 
no more right there than at the end of gone^ 
where it is often put by children, who are 
our best guides to the sources of linguistic 
corruption, and the best teachers of its pro- 
cesses. Cromwell, minister of Henry VIII.," 
writes worle for world. Chapman has wan 
for wand, and lanm has rightfully displaced 
laund, though with no thought, I suspect, of 
etymology. Kogers tells us that Lady Ba- 
thurst sent him some letters written to Wil- 
liam III. by Queen Mary, in which she ad- 
dresses him as ''''Dear IluabanJ' The old 
form ex2)oun\ which our farmers use, is more 
correct than the form with a barbarous d 
tacked on which has taken its place. Of the 
kind opposite to this, like our goumd for 
gown, and the London cockney's iclnd for 
wine, I find dro'W7id for drown in the " Mis- 
fortunes of Arthur " (1584), and in Swift. 
And, by the way, whence came the long 
sound of wmd which our poets still retain, 
and which survives in " winding " a horn, a 
totally different word from " winding' " a kite- 



INTRODUCTION. 45 

string ? We say hehmd and hinder (compar- 
ative), and yet to hinder. SLakespeare pro- 
nounced kind klnd^ or what becomes of his 
play on that word and kin in Hamlet ? 
Nay, did he not even (shall I dare to hint 
it?) drop the final d as the Yankee still 
does ? John Lilly plays in the same way on 
kindred and kindness. But to come to some 
other ancient instances. Warner rhymes 
hounds with crowns^ grounds with towns^ 
text with sex^ icorst with crusty interrui^ts 
with cups ; Drayton, defects with sex ; Chap- 
man, amends with cleanse ; Webster, de~ 
fects with checks ; Ben Jonson, minds with 
combines ; Marston, trust and obsequious^ 
clothes and shows ; Dryden gives the same 
sound to clothes, and has also minds with 
designs. Of course, I do not affirm that 
their ears may not have told them that these 
were imperfect rhymes (though I am by no 
means sure even of that), but they surely 
would never have tolerated any such, had 
they suspected the least vulgarity in them. 
Prior has the rhyme Jirst and trust, but puts 
it into the mouth of a landlady. Swift has 
stunted and burnt it, an intentionally imper- 
fect rhyme, no doubt, but which I cite as 
giving precisely the Yankee pronunciation 



46 INTRODUCTION. 

of hinnicil. Doiiiie t'cniplos in imliallowed 
woillook after and matter, tlnis seeming to 
give to both the true Yankee sound, and it is 
not uneonmuHi to ihid after and dauijhter. 
Worse than all, in one of Dodsley's Old 
Plays we have onions rhyming with 7ninions^ 
— I have tears in my eyes while I reeord it. 
And yet what is viler than the universal 
2Iisses (J/as.) for Mistress f This was 
onee a vulgarism, and in '* The Miseries of 
Inforeed Marriage '' the rhyme (printed as 
prose in Dodsley's Old Plays by Collier), 

"To make my young mhtre^, 
Dolighting in A/&Sft5," 

is put in the mouth of the elo^^^l. Our peo- 
ple say /;?;//« for Indian. The tendeney to 
make this eliange where i follows d is eom- 
mou. The Italian giorno and Freneli jour 
from diurnus are familiar examples. And 
yet Injun is one of those depravations wliieli 
the taste ehallenges peremptorily, though it 
have the authority of Charles Cotton, who 
rhpnes '' Indies " with '* eringes,'' and four 
English lexieograpliers, beginning with Dr. 
Sheridan, bid us say invidgeous. Yet after 
all it is no worse than the debasement which 
all our terminations in tio7i and tie nee have 
undergone, which yet we hear with resigna- 



J NT HO DUCT! ON. 47 

shun and j)ay>^hunce^ though it might have 
aroused both impat4-eMce and indigna-ti-on 
m Shakespoare'.s time. When George Iler- 
h(M t t(;lls us that if tfie sermon be dull, 

"God fakf;H a text and pn;a(;li(jth pat i-f; rice," 

th(; prolongation of the word seems to eon- 
vey some hint at the longanimity of the vir- 
tue. (Jonsider what a poor eurtal we have 
jriade of C^eean. There was something of his 
iieave and expanse in o-ce-an^ and Fleteher 
knew how to use it when he wrote so fine a 
verse as the second of these, the best deep- 
sea verse I know, — 

" III desperate Btorms stem with a little rudder 
Tlie tumbling ruins of the ocean." 

C)eeanus was not tlien wholly shorn of his 
divine proportions, and our modern onhun 
sounds like the gush of small-beer in com- 
parison. Some other contractions of ours 
have a vulgar air about them. Mora V/. for 
more, than^ as one of the worst, may stand 
for a tyj)e of such. Yet our old dramatists 
are full of such obscurations felisions they 
can hardly be called) of the th^ making 
wher of v^hether^ hn/r of brother^ Hrnx/r of 
smother^ m/Zr of mother^ and so on. Indeed, 
it is this that explains the word rare (which 



48 INTRODUCTION. 

has Dry den's support), and which we say of 
meat where an Englishman would use under- 
done. I do not believe, with the dictiona- 
ries, that it had ever anything to do witli tlie 
Icelandic Itrdr (/■(/?/?), as it plainly has uot 
in 7'areripe, which means earlier ripe. And 
I do not believe it for this reason, that 
the earlier form of the word with us was, 
and the commoner now in the inland parts 
still is, so far as I can discover, rm^edone. 
I find rather as a monosyllable in Donne, 
and still better as giving the sound, rhym- 
ing with fair in Warner. The contraction 
more ^n I find in the old play " Fuimus Troes," 
in a verse where the measvn-e is so strongly 
accented as to leave it beyond doubt, — - 

"A fjjolden crown whose lieirs 
More than half the world subdue." 

It may be, however, that the contraction is 
in "th' orld." Is our gin for given more 
violent than marl for marvel^ which was 
once common, and which I find as late as 
Herrick ? Nay, Herrick has gin (spelling it 
g^en')., too, as do the Scotch, who agree with 
us likewise in preferring cliimly to chimney. 
I will now leave pronunciation and turn 
to words or ])hrases which have been sup- 
posed peculiar to us, only pausing to pick up 



J NT no DUCT I ON. 49 

a single dropped stitch in the pronunciation 
of the word sujj'reme^ which I had thought 
native till I found it in the well-languaged 
Daniel. I will begin with a word of which 
I have never met with any example in print. 
We express the first stage of withering in a 
green plant suddenly cut down by tlie verb 
to vnlt. It is, of course, own cousin of the 
German welken^ but 1 have never come upon 
it in print, and my own books of reference 
give me faint help. Graff gives welhen^ rriar- 
coHcere^ and refers to meih (icaalc)^ and con- 
jecturally to A. S. hvelan. The A. S. wpjiI- 
vnan (to wither) is nearer, but not so near 
as two words in the Icelandic, which perhaps 
put us on the track of its ancestry, velgi 
(teppfacere) and velki^ with the derivative 
meaning contaminare. Wilt, at any rate, is 
a good word, filling, as it does, a sensible 
gap between drooping and withering, and 
the imaginative phrase " he wilted right 
down," like " he caved right in," is a true 
Americanism. Wilt occurs in English pro- 
vincial glossaries, but is explained by vnther, 
which with us it does not mean. We have a 
few words, such as cache, cohog, carry (port- 
age), nhoot (chute), timber (forest), hush- 
V)hack (to pull a boat along by the bushes 



60 INTRODUCTION. 

on tho edge of a stream), buckeye (a })ictur- 
esque word for the horse-chestnut), but how 
many can w^e be said to have fairly brought 
into the language, as Alexander Gill, who 
first mentions Americanisms, meant it when 
he said, " Sed et ah Amerlcanis nonmdla 
rmituamur ut MAiz et canoa " ? Very few, 
I suspect, and those mostly by borrowing 
from tho French, German, Spanish, or Indian. 
" The Dipper " for the '^ CJreat Bear " strikes 
me as having a native air. Jh)(/i(s^ in the 
sense of worthless^ is undoubtedly ours, but 
is, I more than suspect, a corrui)tion of the 
French bagasse (from low Latin hagasea')^ 
which travelled up tlie Mississippi from New 
Orleans, where it was used for tlie refuse of 
the sugar-cane. It is true we have modified 
the meaning of some words. We w^q freshet 
in the sense of floods for which I have not 
chanced upon any authority. Our New Eng- 
land cross between Ancient Pistol and Du- 
gald Dalgctty, Captain Underhill, uses the 
word (1G38) to mean a current^ and I do 
not recollect it elsewhere in that sense. I 
therefore leave it with a ? for future ex- 
plorers. Crkh for crech I find in Captain 
John Smith and in the dedication of Fuller's 
" Holy Warre," and run^ meaning a siiudl 



INTRODUCTION. r>l 

stream^ in Weymoutli's " Voyage " (1G05). 
Humans for men^ which Mr. Bartlett iii- 
chid(!S in his '' Dictionary of AnKsrioanisinH," 
is Chai)man's habitual plii-aso in liis transla- 
tion of Horner. 1 find it also in the old 
play of "The Hog hath lost his Pearl." 
Dogs for andirons is still cnrrent in New 
England, and in Walter de Biblesworth I 
find chicns glossed in the margin l)y and- 
irons, Gtmniru/ for sliooting is in Drayton. 
We once got credit for the poetical word 
fall for auf/imin^ but Mr. I^artlctt and the 
last edition of We])ster's Dictionary refer 
us to Dry den. It is even older, for I find it 
in Drayton, and Bishop Hall has aiitn/m/n 
fall. Middleton l>lays upon the word : 
" May'st thou have a reasonable good spr'm(/^ 
for thou art like to have many dangerous 
foul falls.'" Lord Herbert of (yhcii'bury 
(more properly perha])S than even Si(hiey, 
the last preux chevalier) has " the Emperor's 
folks " just as a Yank(!(; would say it. Loan 
for lend.) with wliicli we hav(3 hith<irto ])een 
blackened, I must retort upon th(5 mother 
isljind, for it appojirs so long ago as in 
" Albion's England." Fleshy^ in the sense 
of stout^ may claim Ben Jonson's warrant. 
Chore is also Jonson's word, and I am in- 



52 iNrnoDuvTioN. 

c'liiu'd io prefer it to chare imd vli(n\ bceause 
1 (liiiilv tliat I SCO :i more natural ori<^in for 
it in \\w KrtMU'h /V)?/r, wheiioo it inii;"ht oome 
to mean a day's work, and thence a job, 
than anywhere else. At onsf iov (if ()7i,ce 1 
thought a corruption of our own, till 1 found 
it in the (^hester Plays. I am now inclined 
to sus])ect it no corruption at all, but only 
Jill erratic and obsolete sn])erlative at oncst. 
To j>r()(/ri'}<s' was Ihinj;' in our teeth till J\Ir. 
Pickering' retortcnl witli Shakespeare's '^ doth 
pro'i;ress (U)wn thy cheeks.'' I confess that 
I was never satislied with Ihis answer, be- 
cause the accent was dilViM'cnt, and because 
the word inioht hei'c be reckoned a substan- 
tive quite as well as a verb. Mr. J^artlett 
(in his Dictionary above cited) adds a sur- 
rcbnlter in a verse from Ford's '•• Broken 
Heart." Here the word is clearly a verb, 
but with the accent unhappily still on the 
lirst syllable. ]\Ir. Hartlett says that ho 
" cannot say wliether the w\)rd was used in 
Bacon's time or not." It certainly was, and 
with the accent we give to it. Ben «lonsoii, 
in the ''Alchemist," lias this verse, — 

" l*ro<;ivss' so from I'xtri'ino unto oxdvino." 

Sui'cly we may now shu^]) in ])eace, and our 
English cousins will forgive us, since we 



INTUOIXICTION. 68 

havo cl(3ared ourselves froiri any suspicion of 
originality in the matter I Poor for lean^ 
thirds for (lo'wm\ and dry for thirsty I find 
in Middlcton's j)lays. J)ry is also in Skel- 
ton and in the " World " (1754). In a note 
on Middloton, Mr. Dyce thinks it necidfnl 
to explain tlie j)hrase I cant tell (universal 
in America) by the gloss / could not say. 
Middloton also uses sncvkcd., which I had 
believcid an Americanism till 1 saw it there. 
It is, of course, only another form of snatchy 
analogous to thcch and thatch (i'i. the proper 
nam(!S Dekker and TJiacher), hrcak (Jyrach^ 
and hrcacli^ make, (still common with us) 
and rnatch. ^ Lony on for occasioned hy 
C who is this 'h)ng on ? ") occurs likewise 
in Middleton. UJause v)hy is in Chaucer. 
llaislny (an English version of the French 
leav&ri) for yeast is employed by Gayton 
in his " Festivous Notes on Don Quixote." 
I have never seen an instance of our New 
England word emptins in the same sense, 
nor can I divine its original. Gayton has 
limekill ; also shuts for shutters, and the 
latter is used by Mis. Hutchinson in her 
" Life of Colonel 1 lutcliinson." Pnshop Hall, 
and Purchas in his " l*ilgrims," have chist 
for chest, and it is certainly nearer cista as 



64 INTRODUCTION. 

well as to the form in the Teutonic lan- 
guages, whence we probably got it. We 
retain the old sound in cist^ but chest is as 
old as Chaucer. Lovelace says wroj)t for 
wrapt. " Musicianer " I had always associ- 
ated with the militia-musters of my boyhood, 
and too hastily concluded it an abomination 
of our own, but Mr. Wright calls it a Nor- 
folk word, and I find it to be as old as 1642 
by an extract in Collier. " Not worth the 
time of day " had passed with me for native 
till I saw it in Shakespeare's " Pericles." 
For slick (which is only a shorter sound 
of sleeky like crick and the now universal 
britches for breeches^ I will only call Chap- 
man and Jonson. ''That's a sure card!" 
and " That 's a stinger ! " both sound like 
modern slang, but you will find the one in 
the old interlude of '"Thersytes" (1537), 
and the other in Middleton. " liight here," 
a fa\ orite phrase with our orators and with a 
certain class of our editors, turns uy> ^>>a.s\s//yi 
in the Chester and Coventry plays. Mr. 
Dickens found something very ludicrous in 
what he considered our neologism right 
away. But I find a phrase very like it, and 
which I half suspect to be a misprint for it 
in " Gammer Gurton " : — 

" Lyglit it and bring it tite aioay.'^ 



INTRODUCTION. 65 

After all, what is it but another form of 
straightway f Cussedness^ meaning vncked- 
ness, malignity, and moss, a sneaking, ill- 
natured fellow, in such phrases as " lie done 
it out o' pure cussedness," and " He is a 
nateral cuss," have been commonly thought 
Yankeeisms. To vent certain contemptu- 
ously-indignant moods they are admirable 
in their rough-and-ready way. But neither 
is our own. Cur^ydnesse^ in the same sense 
of malignant wickedness, occurs in the Cov- 
entry Plays, and cuss may perhaps claim to 
have come in with the Conqueror. At least 
the term is also French. Saint Simon uses 
it and confesses its usefulness. Speaking of 
the Abbe Dubois he says, '' Qui etoit en plein 
ce qu'un mauvais frangois appelle un sacre, 
mais qui ne se pent guure exprimer autre- 
ment." "-'Not worth a cuss," though sup- 
ported by " not v/orth a damn," may be a 
mere corruption, since " not worth a cress " 
is in " Piers Ploughman." " I don't see it " 
was the popular slang a year or two ago, 
and seemed to spring from the soil ; but 
no, it is in Cibber's " Careless Husband." 
^'' Green sauce'^ for vegetahles I meet in 
Beaumont and Fletcher, Gayton and else- 
where. Our rustic pronunciation sahce (for 



66 LY'iKonrcTiox. 

either tlio diphthong (ttf was anciently pro- 
iionnoed ah^ or else we have followed alnind- 
Jint antdogv iu elianglng it to the latter sound, 
as we have in chinnw (/(nice, and so many 
more) may be the older one, and at least 
gives some hint at its ancestor sahih Warn^ 
in the sense of not'ifi/^ is, 1 believe, now 
peculiar to us, but Pecock so employs it. 
To cotton to is, I rather think, an American- 
ism. The nearest a})proach to it I have 
found is cotton to(/cthcr, in Congreve's " Love 
for Love." To cotton or cottoi, in another 
sense, is old and common. Our word means 
to cling, and its origin, possibly, is to be 
sought in another direction, perhaps in A. S. 
cveail, which means mini, clin/ {both ])i'o- 
verbially clinging), or better yet, in the 
Icelandic qvoda (^otherwise k'(Hl\ meaning 
resin and (/h(c^ which are xar e^'o\>yi' sticky 
substances. To sj)it cotton is, I think, 
American, and also, })erhaps, to .//a.r for to 
heat. To the halccs still survives among us, 
though apparently obsolete in England. It 
means either to let or to hire a piece of land, 
receiving half the profit in money or in kind 
{j)artibiis hcarc). I mention it because 
in a note by some English editor, to which 
I have lost mv reference, I have seen it 



INTR IJ U C riON. 67 

wi'ongly explained. The editors of Nares 
cite Burton. To put^ in the sense of to go^ 
as Put I for Begone ! would seem our own, 
and yet it is strictly analogous to the French 
se mettre a la voie^ and the Italian mettersi 
in via. Indeed, Dante has a verse, 

*' lo sard [for mi sarei] rjm messo per lo sentiero,''^ 

which, but for the indignity, might be trans- 
lated, 

"I Hhould, ere this, hav a put along the way." 

I deprecate in advance any share in Gen- 
eral Banks's notions of international law, but 
we may all take a just pride in his exuber- 
ant eloquence as something distinctly Amer- 
ican. When he spoke a few years ago of 
" letting the Union slide," even those who, 
for political purposes, reproached him with 
the sentiment, admired the indigenous virtue 
of his phrase. Yet I find " let the world 
slide " in Hey wood's " Edward IV." ; and 
in Beaumont and Fletcher's " Wit without 
Money " Valentine says, 

"Will you go drink, 
And let the world slide V" 

In the one case it is put into the mouth of 
a clown, in the other, of a gentleman, and 
was evidently proverbial. It has even higher 
sanction, for Chaucer writes. 



M iNTnonrrrioN. 

" \V.>1I ni'-li III! ulluT niivs let he slide." 

Mr. BaillcU, o'ivos '^ ahovo one's bend " as an 
AniiM-icMuisni ; but conipni'ci llanilcl's "to 
the top of iwy bent." /// his ftufcls for i/u- 
nwdidd'h/ has jicipilrtul ail Ain(M'i(;an accent, 
and passes wlioro ho can for a native, but is 
an iin|)orta,tion UGVortludess ; for what is hc^ 
but the Latin v vcMh/io, or at best th(^ Nor- 
man 1^'i-eneh cncslcspas, both wliieh have the 
same uieanini;? Jlotfoot (provincial also 
in Kni^land) I lind in the ohl romance of 
*' 1 ristan, 

^'Si s'cii luirti ciiAur r,\s." 

Like for lis is never used in New England, 
but is luiivtM'sal in (he South and West. It 
has on its sich' (he au(hori(y of two kings 
{('(JO siuti rc.r lionKinorion cf siipra (/tufni- 
matictf/if ), 1 leury V 111. and Charles 1. This 
were am])le, widiout tlirowiug into tlu» scale 
tht^ scholar and j)oet Danii'l. 77i<'//i was 
used as a nominative by the Majesty of Kd- 
ward VI., by Sir P. lloby, and by Lord 
Taget (in Froudo's "History"). I liavc^ 
never seen any j)assago adduced when^ (/ncss 
was used as the Vankoo uses it. The word 
was familiar in i\n) nu)uths of our ancestors, 
but witli a. dill'erent shade of meaning from 
that we have given it, whicli is something* 



INTRODUCTION. 69 

like rather think^ tliough the Yankee implies 
a confident eertainty l)y it when ho says, " I 
guess 1 du I " There are two exanii)l(is in 
Otway, one of which ('' So in tlie Ktru<4gle, 
1 guess the note was lost ") ])erhaps might 
serve our ])urpose, and Coleridge's 

"I guess t'was fearful there to see" 

certainly comes vc^ry near. But T have a 
higher authority than eitlier in 8(;ld<ai, who, 
in one of his notes to tli(i " Polyolhion," 
writ(\s, "The first inventor of them (I (juchh 
you dislike not the addition) was one Her- 
thold Swartz." Hen; he must meau by it, 
" I take it for granted." Another peculiar- 
ity almost as ])rominent is the Ixjginning sen- 
tences, especially iu ;insw<M* to questions, with 
"well." Put hefore such a phrase as "How 
d'e do?" it is connnonly shoi't, and has the 
sound of vml., but in reply it is deliberative, 
and the various shades of meaning which can 
be conveyed by difference of intonation, and 
by prolonging or abbreviating, I should vain- 
ly attempt to describe. I have heard ooa- 
aJd^ wahl^ ahl^ wdl^ and something nearly 
approa(5hing the sound of the le in able. 
Sometimes before "I" it dwindles to a mere 
Z, as " '1 / dunno." A friend of mine (why 
should 1 not please myself, though 1 dis- 



60 INTRODUCTION. 

please him, by brightening my page with the 
initials of the most exquisite of humorists, 
J. II. ?) told me that he once heard five 
" wells," like pioneers, precede the answer 
to the inquiry about the price of land. The 
first was ordinary icul^ in deference to cus- 
tom ; the second, the long, perpending ooahl^ 
with a falling inflection of the voice ; the 
third, the same, but with the voice rising, as 
if in despair of a conclusion, into a plaintive- 
ly nasal whine ; the fourth, wiilJi^ ending in 
the aspirate of a sigh ; and then, fifth, came 
a short, sharp, wal., showing that a conclu- 
sion had been reached. I have used this lat- 
ter form in the " Biglow Papers," because, 
if enough nasality be added, it represents 
most nearly the average sound of what I may 
call the interjection. 

A locution prevails in the Southern and 
Middle States which is so curious that, though 
never heard in New England, I will give a 
few lines to its discussion, the more readily 
because it is extinct elsewhere. I mean the 
use of alloio in the sense of affirm^ as " I al- 
low that 's a good horse." I find the word 
so used in 1558 by Anthony Jenkinson in 
Hakluyt : " Corne they sowe not, neither doe 
eate any bread, mocking the Christians for 



INTRODUCTION. 61 

the same, and disabling our strengthe, say- 
ing we live by eating the top of a weede, 
and drinke a drinke made of the same, aU 
loiinng theyr great devouring of flesh and 
drinking of milke to be the increase of theyr 
strength. That is, they undervalued our 
strength, and affirmed their own to be the 
result of a certain diet. In another passage 
of the same narrative the word has its more 
common meaning of approving or praising : 
" The said king, much allowing this declara- 
tion, said." Ducange quotes Bracton sub 
voce ADLOCARE for the meaning " to ad- 
mit as proved," and the transition from this 
to " affirm " is by no means violent. At the 
same time, when we consider some of the 
meanings of alloiv in old English, and of al- 
louer in old French, and also remember that 
the verbs 2>ri^^e and praise are from one root, 
I think we must admit allaudare to a share 
in the paternity of allow. The sentence from 
Hakluyt would read equally well, " contemn- 
ing our strengthe, . . . and praising (or 
valuing) their great eating of flesh as the 
cause of their increase in strength." After 
all, if we confine ourselves to allocare^ it may 
turn out that the word was somewhere and 
somewhen used for to het^ analogously to i^ut 



62 INTRODUCTION. 

up^ put down., p>^^^ (^^- l^paiiisb apostar)^ 
and the like. I hear boys in the street con- 
tinually saying, " I bet that 's a good horse," 
or what not, meaning by no means to risk 
anything beyond their oi)inion in the matter. 
The word luiprove, in the sense of '' to oc- 
cupy, make use of, employ," as Dr. Picker- 
ing defines it, he long ago proved to be no 
neologism. He would have done better, I 
think, had he substituted profit hy for em- 
2^Joy. He cites Dr. Franklin as saying that 
the word had never, so far as he knew, been 
used in New England before he left it in 
1723, except in Dr. Mather's " Remarkable 
Providences," which he oddly calls a ^' very 
old book." Franklin, as Dr. Pickerino- aoes 
on to show, was mistaken. Mr. Bartlett in 
his '^ Dictionary " merely abridges Pickering. 
Both of them should have confined the appli- 
cation of the word to material things, its ex- 
tension to wliich is all that is peculiar in the 
supposed American use of it. For surely 
" Complete Letter- AYriters " have been " ini- 
provi?i(/ this opportunity " time out of mind. 
I will illustrate the word a little further, 
because Pickering cites no English authori- 
ties. Skelton has a passage in his '" Phyl- 
lyp Sparowe," which I quote the rather as 



INTRODUCTION. 63 

it contains also the word allowed^ and as it 
distinguishes improve from employ : — 

"His [Chaucer's] Englysh well alowed, 
So as it is enprowed, 
For as it is employd, 
There is no English voyd." 

Here the meaning is to profit by. In Ful- 
ler's "Holy Warre" (1647), we have "The 
Egyptians standing on the firm ground, were 
thereby enabled to improve and enforce their 
darts to the utmost." Here the word might 
certainly mean to make use of. Mrs. Hutch- 
inson (Life of Colonel H.) uses the word in 
the same way : " And therefore did not em- 
proove his interest to engage the country in 
the quarrell." I find it also in, "Strength 
out of Weakness" (1652), and Plutarch's 
" Morals " (1714), but I know of only one 
example of its use in the purely American 
sense, and that is, "a very good improve- 
ment for a mill " in the " State Trials " 
(Speech of the Attorney-General in the Lady 
Ivy's case, 1684). In the sense of employ^ 
I could cite a dozen old English authorities. 
In running over the fly-leaves of those de- 
lightful folios for this reference, I find a note 
which reminds me of another word, for our 
abuse of which we have been deservedly 



64 lyriionrcTJON. 

ridioulod. 1 moan hnlj/. It is true I might 
oito the example of the Italian ilonna^ (^(/o- 
mina^ whieh has been tvt^itod in the same 
way by a whole nation, and not, as /(/(/.// 
among ns, by tJie iiueultivatecl only. It pei^ 
haps grew into use in the half-demoeratio 
republics of Italy in the same way and for 
the same reasons as with us. But 1 admit 
that our abuse of the word is villanous. I 
know of an orator who onei^ said in a public 
meeting where bonnets preponderated, that 
*Mhe hulies were last at the cross and lirst 
at the tond) " I But similar sins were com- 
mitted before our day and in tlie mother 
country. In the "State Trials" 1 learn of 
*' i\ (jvntlcironnin that lives cook with" such 
a one, and I hear tlie Lord High Steward 
speaking of the wife of a waiter at a bagnio 
as a (/enflciroman ! From the same author- 
ity, by the way, I can state that our vile 
habit of chewing tobacco had the somewhat 
unsavory example of Titus Gates, and 1 
know by tradition from an eye-witness that 
tlie elegant Cicneral Burgoyue partook of 
the same vice, llowell, in one of his letters 
(^dated i!l) August, 10i!o), speaks thus of an- 

1 Dame, iu English, is a doonvod gontlowoman of the 
&une faaiilv. 



I NT liO DUCT I ON. 05 

other " institution " which many have thought 
American : " They speak much of tliat bois- 
terous J bishop of Ilalverstadt, (for so they 
term him here,) that, having taken a place 
wher ther were two Monasteries of Nuns and 
Friers, he caus'd divet's feather-beds to be 
rip'd, and all the feathers to b(i thrown in 
a great Hall, whither the Nuns and Friers 
were thrust naked with their bodies oil'd 
and i)it(;h'd, and to tumble among the feath- 
ers." Howell speaks as if the thing were 
new to him, and I know not if the " boister- 
ous " Bishop was the inventor of it, but I 
find it practised in England before our Rev- 
olution. 

Before leaving the subject, I will add a few 
comments made from time to time on the 
margin of Mr. Bartlett's excellent " Diction- 
ary," to which I am glad thus pu})licly to 
acknowledge my many obligations. " Avails " 
is good old English, and the vaih of Sir 
eJoshua Reynolds's porter are famous. A verse 
from^ averse to^ and in connection with them 
the English vulgarism " different to^ The 
corrupt use of to in these cases, as well as 
in the Yankee " he lives to Salem," " to 
home," and others, must be a very old one, 
for in the one case it plainly arose from con- 



GO INTRODUCTION, 

fonmlinp^ tho twt) Imoiu'Ii prt»positions (? (from 
Latin ad and ab)^ antl in the other from 
translatinj;- the iirst of thorn. 1 oneo thoui;lit 
'' ilUViMont to" a uuuhM-n vulgarism, and Mr. 
Thackorav, on my pointhig it out to him in 
'' lloury Ksmond/' confessed it to he an an- 
aehronism. INlr. Hartk^tt rt^iers to "' tht^ ohl 
writers quoted in Kiehardson's Dietionary" 
for " dilYerent to," hut in my edition of that 
work all the examples are witli from. Ihit 
1 iind to used invariably by Sir K. Hawkins 
in llakluyt. luuijo is a ne*;'ro eoniiptlon 
of (). Vj. hitndorv. /ii/Kl-frrcd vim liai'dly 
be modtM'u, for trood-biNd is okl and ratli- 
eally rii^ht, intertwiniui;" itself throu«;h hin^ 
dan and irindan with elassie stems, lioh- 
olink': is this a contraction for Hob o' 
Lincoln ? 1 tind holndi/nvs in ono of the 
poems attributed to Skelton, where it n\ay 
be r(»ndiMvd ijiddi/-patt\ a term very lit for 
the bird in his ecstasies. Cruvl iov (fvvat 
is in llakluyt. Bowlhuj-aUei/ is in Mash's 
""" Pierce IVnnilesse." Oitrious, meanlui;' 
nice, occurs continuaJly in ohl writers, and 
is as old as IVeock's " l\e[)ressor." J)i'0(jcr 
is O. K. dni(j(jci\ Juhicationa/ is in Ihirke. 
JFeeze is only a form of fizz. To Jix, in the 
American sense, I find used b}' the Comnus- 



INTRODUCTION. 07 

Bionors of the United Colonics 80 early as 
107.0, " tij(;Ir anriH well fixed and fit for ser- 
vice." To take. Uiji foot in the. hand in 
German ; ho is to fjo under . (Jundalov) is 
old: I find (juaddo in JIakluyt, and fjurir 
dello in Jiooth's reprint of the folio Shake- 
speare of 1G23. Gonoff is O. K. fjnojfe. 
Ilejj/p is in "Piers Ploughman " (" and other 
names an heep "), and in llakluyt 0' seeing 
such a haa/p of their enemies ready to d(iVour 
them "). To liquor is in the " Puritan " 
(" call 'em in, and liquor 'em a little"). To 
loaf: this, I think, is unquestionably Ger- 
man. Laufen is pronounced lofen in some 
parts of G(irmany, and I once heard one 
German student say to another, /cA la/af^ 
(lofe) hier bis du vrlederkehreHt, and he Ijc- 
gan ac(;ordingly to saunter up and down, in 
short, to loaf. To rauU., Mr. ]>artlett says, 
means "to soften, to dispirit," and quotes 
from " Margaret," — " There has been a 
pretty considerable rnullin going on among 
the doct(jrs," — where it surely cannot mean 
what he says it does. We have always heard 
mulling used for Hiirrimj^ huatlinrj^ some- 
times in an underhand way. It is a metar 
phor derived probably from mullimj wine, 
and the word itself must be a corruption of 



68 iM-RonrcrioN. 

W(7/, from (). F. nn'slcr. J\nr of stairs is 
in llakluyt. To puU up utak'c^ is in Our- 
won's Journal, and thorofoiv piv-Kovolntion- 
arv. 1 think 1 have wwi with it oarlior. 
Jiaisc : nndor this word Mr. .l>artlott omits 
'* to raiso a honso," that is, tlio frame of a 
wooden one, and iilso the substantive formed 
from it, a niit<ui\ Sttthitj-poJca eannot be 
new, for 1 tind *' some f^ct [the boats] with 
hmg /)()/(',»i " in llakhiyt. iShouJihi'-Iiittvrs : 
1 find that shouldcr-atrikrr is ohl, though I 
have hist tlie referenee to my authority. 
StHH/ is no new word, thongli }H^rha[>s the 
Western applieation of it is so : but 1 lind 
in Ci ill the proverb, " A bird in the bag- is 
worth two on the snai;/' Trail: llakluyt 
has "'many wayes (rdlcd by the wilde 
beastes." 

1 subjoin a few j>hrases not in Mr. Ixirt- 
h^tt's book whieli I have heard. luild- 
h ended : *' to go it bahl-headed '* : in great 
haste, as where one rnshes out without his 
hat. J)0(/iie : "I don't git nuieh done 'thout 
I boffue right in along 'th my men." Carri/ : 
a portofje. Cat-nap : a short doze. Cat- 
iifick : a small stiek. C/ioirder-head : a 
muddle-brain. Clnuj-Jolni : a soft cake of 
rye. Cocoa-nut : the head. Co/ices': ap- 



J NT HO DUCT ION. 69 

plied to the people of certain settlements in 
Western Pennsylvania, from their use of the 
archaic form (^u// ha, JJunw/tn?^ I Icnovi : 
the nearest your true Yankee ever comes 
to afjknowledging ignorance. EHH(iW-(Wf)ed- 
ler : a skunk. FiraWaUi o/ad a half, 
Finh-flakes^ for drying fish: O. E. fleck 
(^cratisy (Jande/r-party : a social gathenng 
of men only. (JavmicMH : a dolt. IIay> 
kinn'H v^hetatone : rum ; in derision of one 
Hawkins, a well-known temperance-lecturer, 
Jlyper : to bustle : " I mus' hypar about an' 
git tea." KcAdar-tuh : one in which dishes 
are washed. (" And Greasy Joan doth ked 
the pot."^ LaptpJi: where the guests are 
too many to sit at table. Laat of pefi-tinte : 
to be hard-up. Lose-laid (loose-laid) : a 
weaver's term, and probably English ; weak- 
willed. Malahddk: to cut up hastily or 
awkwardly. Moonglade : a beautiful word 
for the track of moonlight on the water. 
Off-ox : an unmanageable, cross-grained fel- 
low. Old Driver^ Old Splitfoot ; the Devil. 
Onhitch: to pull trigger fcf. Spanish dis- 
parar). Popular: conceited. liote : sound 
of surf before a storm. Itot-gut : cheap 
whiskey; the word occurs in Heywood's 
" English Traveller " and Addison's " Drum- 



70 INTRODUCTION. 

mor,*' for a poor kliul of drluU. Srt^ni : it 
is habitual Nvith (ho Mo\v-KuL;laiulor to }>u(. 
this verb t(> strani;v uses, UvS, " 1 oan'i svrnt 
to bt^ suitod,' *' I 4'ouhl u't .s< < ;/? to know 
hin\." N/(/(7;///, (ov /ni/sidr. Sf(ft('-/u>us(' : 
tliis siHMusan Amorioanisiu, whothor iuvoiitod 
tM'thM-ivoil from (hi> Dutch N/(/<M////.s, 1 know 
not. /Strike aiul sh'imj : {vom th(\s;:uno of 
iiiuopins ; to niakt* a sfrikr is to knock down 
all tl\o pins widi oui^ ball, hiMii'i> it \n\s oonio 
to moan fortunato, suooossfuk Sfr(fni/)crs : 
moil who broak out roads for bnnborors. 
2\)nncn(((I : ouphoinism for tlanuuHl, as, 
*'iu)t a toriuontoil oont." I'injinidj'cnrc^ to 
9fKd'o (f : to walk bko a ilruukon man. 

It is always wi>r(h whilo to noto down tho 
erratic words or phrases which one moots 
with in any dialect. Thoy may tlirow light 
on tho moanini;' of other words, on the re- 
lationship oi lani^ua^os, ov oven on history 
itself. In so com[>osito a lani;uaL;e as ours 
they i>ften supply a ditVtM\Mit form to ox- 
pivss a. ditWMHMit shade t>f nuMuint;, as in rii>/ 
and ji(I(i!<\ thnd and thrciul^ s/not/icr and 
smot(!(hi\ w hero tho / has crept in by a false 
amilogy with woidi/. Wo have j^iven back 
to Kngland the oxoollont ad joi'tivo IcfH/t/ii/^ 
formed honestly like cartln/s drouthij^ and 



iN'/nohf/frnoN. 71 

others, thiw cnabJIn;.^ tlunv jwimaliHt^ t/> 

vh'Ai'd/i'.U-A'mt our i'rohid^jrit'H rncHKa^oH by a 
word cjvijly ('A>ti\\>v<)U\\h\u^/ \)(-Awh('Ji l</n/j am] 

U'/J/UyUH^ HI) flH not, t/> (JKUlU'^i-S tJjO [>f:Ji/;^J of 

thf; two rj^>ijijtrif;.H f>y woundlij;.^ our natiorjaJ 
ta^nHiUvanc.HH to Hritinh criticism. Let me 
give two curirnjH cxarnplcu of the aritlHejitic 
j)roj)<;rt,y of dialcctH at whir;}) I ftavc al really 
glanrMMl. Dant*; Jian dindi an a chil/Jinh or 
lr>w word for dana/n Cmoricy j, and in ,Shroj:>- 
nhire nrnall J{/jfnan coinn arc HtiJl du^ up 
wliich the [jcaKaritH call dAndc/rn. '^I'hin can 
liardly he a chance (^oincidenr^;, hut wjcnifi 
railuiv to ann-y i}ui word ha(;k to the Ronjan 
H^>ldiery. So our farni(;rH Hay chu/c, cA///;, to 
their pi^H, and ciaf/yj is one of the Italian 
wordn for Aoy. When a countryman teJl-: 
n« that he " fell 6^// o/* a kcjij)^' \ cannot 
lielp thirjkin;^ that he unconfK;iou.Hly jKjintn 
to arj affinity between oin- word t/arriMe^ and 
the Latin lam/aluH^ that in older than moHt 
otherH. J believe that word.s, or even the 
rrjere inUjnation of thc;m, have an aHtonish- 
ing vitality arjd powf^r of propaj^ation by 
the root, like the g^ardener's pent, quitch- 
graHH,^ while the application or combination 

1 Which, vfhfdluir in that farm, w und«r it« alia«ft« w'<<rA- 
j;fra«K and coc»c/t-^fraH», f>omt« u« back to it« original Sax/m 



72 INTRODLJCTION. 

of them may be new. It is in these last that 
my ecMintrynion seem to mo full of humor, 
invention, quickness of wit, and that sense of 
subtle analogy which needs only refining- to 
become fancy and imagination. Prosaic as 
American life seems in maiw of its aspects 
to a European, bleak and bare as it is on the 
side of tradition, and ntterly orphaned of the 
solemn inspiration of antiquity, I caimot help 
tliinkiug that the oi'dinary talk of unlettered 
men among ns is fuller of metaphor and of 
phrases that snggest lively images than that 
of any othei* people I have seen. Very many 
snch will be fonnd in ]\Ir. Bartlett's book, 
though his short list of proverbs at the end 
seem to me, with one or two exceptions, as 
un-American as possible. Most of them 
have no character at all but coarseness, and 
are quite too long-skirted for working prov- 
erbs, in which language always " takes off 
its coat to it," as a Yankee would say. There 
are plenty that have a more native and puck- 
ery flavor, seedlings from the old stock often, 
and yet new varieties. One hears such not 
seldom among us Easterners, and the West 
would yield many more. " ]\Iean enough to 
steal acorns from a blind hog '' ; '' Cold as 
the north side of a tTenooary gravestone by 



INTRODUCTION. 73 

starlight " ; " Hungry as a graven image " ; 
" Pop'lar as a hen with one chicken " ; 
" Quicker 'n greased lightnin' " ; " Ther 's 
sech a thing ez bein' tu " ; " Stingy enough 
to skim his milk at both eends " ; " Hot as 
the Devil's kitchen " ; " Handy as a pocket 
in a shirt " ; " He 's a whole team and the 
dog under the wagon " ; " All deacons are 
good, but there 's odds in deacons " (to ded- 
con berries is to put the largest atop) ; " So 
thievish they hev to take in their stone walls 
nights " ; ^ may serve as specimens. " I take 
my tea harfoot^^' said a backwoodsman when 
asked if he would have cream and sugar. 
(I find harfoot^ by the way, in the Coventry 
Plays.) A man speaking to me once of a 
very rocky clearing said, " Stone's got a 
pretty heavy mortgage on that land," and I 
overheard a guide in the woods say to his 
companions who were urging him to sing, 
" AVal, I did sing once, but toons gut in- 
vented, an' thet spilt my trade." Whoever 
has driven over a stream by a bridge made 
of slahs will feel the picturesque force of 
the epithet dah-hridged applied to a fellow 

1 And, by the wa}', the Yankee never says "o'nights," 
but uses the older adverbial form, analogoxis to the German 
nachts. 



74 INTRODUCTION. 

of shaky character. Ahiiost every county 
has some good die-sinker in phrase, Avhose 
mintage passes into the currency of the whole 
neighborhood. Such a one described the 
county jail (the one stone building where all 
the dwellings are of wood) as ""the house 
whose underpinnin' come up to the eaves," 
and called hell " the place where they did n't 
rake up their fires nights." I once asked a 
stage-driver if the other side of a hill were as 
steep as the one we were climbing : " Steep ? 
chain-lightnin' could n' go down it 'thout 
puttin' the shoe on ! " And this brings me 
back to the exaggeration of which I spoke 
before. To me there is something very taking 
in the negro *■' so black that charcoal made a 
chalk-mark on him," and the wooden shingle 
"painted so like marble that it sank in 
water," as if its very consciousness or its 
vanity had been over-persuaded by the cun- 
ning of the painter. I heard a man, in order 
to give a notion of some very cold weather, 
say to another that a certain Joe, who had 
been taking mercury, found a lump of quick- 
silver in each boot, when he went home to 
dinner. This power of rapidly dramatizing 
a diy fact into flesh and blood, and the \i\\A 
conception of Joe as a himian thermometer, 



INTROD UCTION. 75 

strike me as showing a poetic sense that may- 
be refined into faculty. At any rate, there 
is humor here, and not mere quickness of 
wit, — the deeper and not the shallower qual- 
ity. The tendency of humor is always to- 
wards overplus of expression, while the very 
essence of wit is its logical precision. Cap- 
tain Basil Hall denied that our people had 
any humor, deceived, perhaps, by their grav- 
ity of manner. But this very seriousness is 
often the outward sign of that humorous 
quality of the mind which delights in finding 
an element of identity in things seemingly 
the most incongruous, and then again in 
forcing an incongruity upon things identical. 
Perhaps Captain Hall had no humor him- 
self, and if so he would never find it. Did 
he always feel the point of what was said 
to himself? I doubt it, because I happen 
to know a chance he once had given him 
in vain. The Captain was walking up and 
down the veranda of a country tavern in 
Massachusetts, while the coach changed 
horses. A thunder-storm was going on, and, 
with that pleasant European air of indirect 
self-compliment in condescending to be sur- 
prised by American merit, which we find so 
conciliating, he said to a countryman loung- 



76 INTRODUCTION. 

ing against the door, " Pretty heavy thunder 
you have here." The other, who had di- 
vined at a glance his feeling of generous 
concession to a new country, drawled gravely, 
" Waal, we du., considerin' the number of 
inhabitants." This, the more I analyze it, 
the more humorous does it seem. The same 
man was capable of wit also, when he would. 
He was a cabinet-maker, and was once em- 
ployed to make some commandment-tables 
for the parish meeting-house. The parson, 
a very old man, annoyed him by looking into 
his workshop every morning, and cautioning 
him to be very sure to pick out " clear ma- 
hogany without any knots in it." At last, 
wearied out, he retorted one day, " Wal, Dr. 
B., I guess ef I was to leave the nots out o' 
some o' the c'man'ments, 't 'ould soot you 
full ezwal!" 

If I had taken the pains to write down 
the proverbial or pithy phrases I have heard, 
or if I had sooner thought of noting the 
Yankeeisms I met with in my reading, I 
might have been able to do more justice to 
my theme. But I have done all I wished in 
respect to pronunciation, if I have proved 
that where we are vulgar, we have the coun- 
tenance of very good company. For, as to 



INTRODUCTION. 



77 



the jus et norma loquends I agree with 
Horace and those who have paraphrased or 
commented him, from Boileau to Gray. I 
think that a good rule for style is Galiani's 
definition of sublime oratory, — " I'art de 
tout dire sans etre mis a la Bastille dans un 
pays ou il est defendu de rien dire." I pro- 
fess myself a fanatical purist, but with a 
hearty contempt for the speech-gilders who 
affect purism without any thorough, or even 
pedagogic, knowledge of the engendure, 
growth, and affinities of the noble language 
about whose mesalliances they profess (like 
Dean Alford) to be so solicitous. If they 
had their way — ! " Doch es sey," says 
Lessing, "dass jene gothische Hoflichkeit 
eine unentbehrliche Tugend des heutigen 
Umganges ist. Soil sie darum unsere 
Schriften eben so schaal und falsch machen 
als unsern Umgang?" And Drayton was 
not far wrong in affirming that 

" 'T is possible to climb, 
To kindle, or to slake, 
Although in Skelton's rhyme." 

Cumberland in his Memoirs tells us that 
when in the midst of Admiral Rodney's great 
searfight. Sir Charles Douglas said to him, 
" Behold, Sir George, the Greeks and Tro- 



78 INTRODUCTION. 

jans contending for the body of Patroclus ! " 
the Admiral answered, peevishly, " Damn 
the Greeks and damn the Trojans ! I have 
other things to think of." After the battle 
was won, Rodney thus to Sir Charles, " Now, 
my dear friend, I am at the service of your 
Greeks and Trojans, and the whole of Ho- 
mer's Iliad, or as much of it as you please ! " 
I had some such feeling of the impertinence 
of our pseudo-classicality when I chose our 
homely dialect to work in. Should we be 
nothing, because somebody had contrived to 
be something (and that perhaps in a provin- 
cial dialect) ages ago ? and to be nothing by 
our very attempt to be that something which 
they had already been, and which therefore 
nobody could be again without being a 
bore ? Is there no way left, then, I thought, 
of being natural, of being na'if^ which 
means nothing more than native, of belong- 
ing to the age and country in which you are 
born ? The Yankee, at least, is a new phe- 
nomenon ; let us try to be that. It is per- 
haps a ^9is aller^ but is not No Thorough- 
fare written up everywhere else ? In the 
literary world, things seemed to me very 
much as they were in the latter half of the 
last century. Pope, skimming the cream 



INTRODUCTION. 79 

of good sense and expression wherever he 
could find it, had made, not exactly poetry, 
but an honest, salable butter of worldly wis- 
dom which pleasantly lubricated some of the 
drier morsels of life's daily bread, and see- 
ing this, scores of harmlessly insane people 
went on for the next fifty years coaxing his 
buttermilk with the regular up and down of 
the pentameter churn. And in our day, do 
we not scent everywhere, and even carry 
away in our clothes against our will, that 
faint perfume of musk which Mr. Tennyson 
has left behind him, or, worse, of Heine's 
pacJiouIi ? And might it not be possible to 
escape them by turning into one of our nar- 
row New England lanes, shut in though it 
were by bleak stone walls on either hand, 
and where no better flowers were to be 
gathered than the golden-rod and the hard- 
hack? 

Beside the advantage of getting out of 
the beaten track, our dialect offered others 
hardly inferior. As I was about to make an 
endeavor to state them, I remembered some- 
thing which the clear-sighted Goethe had 
said about Hebel's AUemamiische Gedichte^ 
which, making proper deduction for special 
reference to the book imder review, ex- 



80 INTRODUCTION. 

presses what I would have said far better 
than I eould hope to do : *' Allen diesen hi- 
nern guten Eigeusehaften kommt die beha- 
gliehe naive Si>raehe sehr zu statten. INIan 
lindet niehreiv sinnlich bedeutende und wohl- 
kliugende AYorte .... von einem, zwei Buch- 
staben, xVbbreviationen, Contraetionen, vielo 
kurze, leiehte Sylben, neue Iveime, welches, 
mehr als man glaubt, ein Vortheil f Ur den 
Diehter ist. Piese Eleniente werden duivli 
gllieldiohe Construetionen nnd lebliafte For- 
men zu einem Styl zusammengedrangt der 
zu diesem Zweeke vor unserer Biieherspraehe 
STOSse Vorziiiie hat." Of course I do not 
mean to imply that I have come near achiev- 
ing aiiy such success as the great critic here 
indicates, but I think the success is theve^ 
and to be plucked by some more fortunate 
hand. 

Nevertheless, I was encouraged by the ap- 
proval of numy whose opinions I valued. 
With a feeling too tender and gi*ateful to be 
mixed with any vanity, T mention as one of 
tliese the late A. II. Clough, who, more than 
any one of those I have known (no longer 
living^, except Hawthorne, impressed me 
with the constant presence of that indefin- 
able thing we call genius. He often sug- 



INTRODUCTION. 81 

f^OHtod that I HliDuld try my hand at Homo 
Yar)k(30 i'aHtoraLs, which would admit of 
more Hontiment and a higher tone without 
forogoin<^ the advantage offered by the dia- 
lect. I have never completed anything of 
the kind, but in this Second Series, both my 
rem(3mbran(;e of his counsel and the deeper 
feeling called up by the great interests at 
stake led me to venture some passages nearer 
to what is calhid poetical than could have 
been admitted without incongruity into the 
former series. The time seemed calling to 
me, witli th(3 old poet, — 

•'Leave, then, your wonted prattle, 
The oaten reed forbear; 
For I hear a sound of battle, 
And trumpets rend the air ! " 

The only attempt I liad ever made at any- 
thing like a pastoral (if that may be called 
an attemj)t whicjh was the result almost of 
pure accident^ was in " The Courtin'." 
While the introduction to the First Series 
was going through the press, I received 
word from tluj printer that there was a blank 
page left which must be filled. I sat down 
at once and improvised another fictitious 
" notice of the press," in which, because 
verse would fill up space more cheaply than 



82 INTRODUCTION. 

prose, I inaerted an extract from a supposed 
ballad of Mr. Biglow. I kept no copy of it, 
and the printer, as directed, cut it off when 
the gap was filled. Presently I began to 
receive letters asking for the rest of it, some- 
times for the balance of it. I had none, but 
to answer such demands, I patched a con- 
clusion upon it in a later edition. Those 
who had only the first continued to impor- 
tune me. Afterward, being asked to write^ 
it out as an autograph for the Baltimore 
Sanitary Connnission Fair, I added other 
verses, into some of which I infused a little 
more sentiment in a homely way, and after 
a fasliion completed it by sketching in the 
characters and making a connected story. 
Most likely I have spoiled it, but I shall put 
it at the end of this Introduction, to answer 
once for all those kindly importunings. 

As I have seen extracts from what pur- 
ported to be writings of Mr. l^iglow, which 
were not genuine, I may properly take this 
o])])ortunity to say, that the two volumes 
now published contain every line I ever 
printed under that pseudonyme, and that I 
have never, so far as 1 can remember, writ- 
ten an anonymous article (elsewhere than 
in the JVorth American Mevieio, and the At- 



INTRODUCTION. 83 

lantic Monthly^ during my editorsliip of It) 
except a review of Mrs. Stowe's '* Minister's 
Wooing," and, somii twenty years ago, a 
sketeli of the anti-slavery movement in 
America for an English journal. 

A word more on pronunciation. I have en- 
deavored to express this so far as I could by 
the types, taking such pains as, I fear, may 
sometimes make the reading harder than 
need be. At the same time, by studying 
uniformity I have sometimes been obliged 
to sacrifice minute exactness. The empha- 
sis often modifies the habitual sound. For 
example, for is commonly far (a shorter 
sound thany^^r for/ar), but when emphatic 
it always becomes for^ as " wut for ? " So 
too is pronounced like to (as it was ancient- 
ly spelt), and to like ta (the sound as in 
the tou of UmcJi)^ but too^ when emphatic, 
changes into tue and to^ sometimes, in sim- 
ilar cases, into toc,^ as, " I did n' hardly know 
wut toe du ! " Where vowels come together, 
or one precedes another following an aspi- 
rate, the two melt together, as was common 
with the older poets who formed their versi- 
fication on French or Italian models. Dray- 
ton is thoroughly Yankee when he says " I 
'xpect," and Pope when he says " t' inspire." 



84 INTRODUCTION. 

With beoomes somclinu's '////, ^ilth., or '^//, 
or even (lisa])])e:irs wholly where it comes 
before the, »ih, " 1 went alon<»- tli' Sqnaro " 
(jilon^' with tlu^ S{juir(0, the (n'c sound behig 
an archaism which 1 have noticanl also in 
c/ioir, like the old Scottish fpthair. (ller- 
rick has, "• Of flowc^rs ne'er sucked by th' 
theeving- bee.") Without becomes aihout 
and ^thout. Afterwards always retains its 
locative .s", and is pronounced always ahtcr- 
wurdti', with a strong accent on the last syl- 
lable. This oddity has some sui)i)ort in the 
erratic towards' instead of to'ioards, which 
we find in the ])octs and sometimes hear. 
The sound given to the first sylhible of to'- 
wards, I may remark, snstains the Yankee 
lengthening of the o in to. At the begin- 
ning of a sentence, (fJitennurds has the ac- 
cent on the lirst syllable ; at the end of one, 
on the last ; as ah'trrirurds he toF me," '^ he 
toF me alUcrwurds',^^ The Yankee never 
makes a mistake in his aspirates. U changes 
in many words to r, always in such, brush, 
tush, hush, rush. Hush, seldom in much, 
oftener in trust and crust, never in mush, 
gust, bust, tumble, or (?) Jlush, in the latter 
case ])robably to avoid confusion with Jlvsh. 
1 have heard Jlush with the c sound, how- 



INTRODUCTION. 85 

ever. For the same reason, 1 suspect, never 
in gush^ (at least, I never heard it,) because 
we have ah-cady one (ye.sA for (janh. A and 
i short frequently become e short. 6^ al- 
ways becomes o in the prefix un (except 
unto}, and o in return changes to u short in 
uv for of, and in some words beginning with 
cm. T and d, h and />, 'o and w, remain 
intact. So much occurs to me in addition 
to what I said on this head in the preface 
to the fornuir volume. 

Of course in wliat I have said I wish to 
be understood as keeping in mind the dif- 
ference between provincialisms properly so 
called and slang. Slang is always vulgar, 
because it is not a natural but an affected 
way of talking, and all mere tricks of speech 
or writing are offensive. I do not think that 
Mr. Biglow can be fairly charged with vul- 
garity, and I should have entirely failed in 
my design, if I have not made it appear that 
high and even refined sentiment may coexist 
with the shrewder and more comic elements 
of the Yankee character. I believe that what 
is essentially vulgar and mean-spirited in 
politics seldom has its source in tlie body of 
the people, })ut nmch rather among tliosfj 
who are made timid by their wealth or self- 



86 INTRODUCTION. 

isli by their love of power. A democracy 
can afford mueli better than an aristocracy 
to follow out its eonvietioiis, and is perhaps 
better qualilied to build those convictions on 
plain principles of right and wrong, rather 
than on the sliifting sands of expediency. I 
had always thought '' Sam Slick " a libel on 
the Yankee character, and a complete fidsi- 
fication of Yankee modes of speech, though, 
for aught I know, it may be true in both 
respects so far as the British Provinces are 
concerned. To me the dialect was native, 
was sj)oken all about me when a boy, at a 
time when an Irish day-laborer was as rare 
as an American one now. Since then I have 
made a study of it so far as o])j)ortunity al- 
lowed. But when 1 write in It, It is as in a 
mother tongue, and 1 am canied back far 
beyond any studies of it to long-ago noonings 
in my father's hay-lields, and to the talk of 
Sam and Job over their jug of blackstrap 
under the shadow of the ash-tree which still 
dapples the grass whence they have been 
gone so long. 

But life is short, and prefaces sliovdd be. 
And so, my good friends, to whom this 
introductory epistle is addressed, farewell. 
Though some of you have remonstrated 



INTRODUCTION. 87 

witli mf3, 1 sliall rKJVcr wrlt(3 any inoro " I>i^- 
low Pajxjr.s," liowovcr ^reat tlio t(;ni[)tatu)n, 
— gi'cat especially at the prenent time, — un- 
1(;hh it be to eornplete the orij^inal plan of 
tlii.s SerieH by Ijrin^iu;^ out Mr. Sawiii as an 
"original Union man." Tlui very favor 
with which they have ])een received i.s a hin- 
drance to ni(;, by forctin;:^ on me a Helf-(ton- 
sciousne.SH from wliieli 1 was (;ntir(;]y free 
when I wrote the First Series. JVIoreov<}r, I 
am no longer the same; car(;l(;ss youth, with 
nothing to do l>ut iive to myself, \\\y books, 
and my frif^nds, that I was then. 1 always 
hated politics, in th(i ordinary sense of the 
word, and I am not likely to grow fonder of 
them, now that I have learned how rare it is 
to find a man who can keep j>rinciple clear 
from party and personal prejudice, or can 
conceive the possibility of another's doing 
so. I feel as if I could in some sort claim 
to be an (mutrituH^ and I am sure that ])olIt- 
ical satire will have fidl justice done it })y 
that genuine and delightful humorist, the 
]tev. Petroleum V. Nasby. I rcjgret that 1 
killed off Mr. Wilbur so soon, for he would 
have enabled me to Ijring into this ]:)reface a 
number of learned quotations, which niust 
now go a-begging, and would have enabled 



88 INTRODUCTION. 

me to (llspersonalize myself into a vicarious 
egotism. He would have helped me also in 
clearing myself from a charge which I shall 
briefly touch on, because my friend Mr. 
Hughes has found it needful to defend me 
in his preface to one of the English editions 
of the ^'Biglow Papers." I thank Mr. 
Hughes heartily for his friendly care of my 
good name, and were his Preface accessible 
to my readers here, (as I am glad it is not, 
for its partialit}' makes me blush,) I should 
leave the matter where he left it. The 
charge is of profanity, brought in by per- 
sons who proclaimed African slavery of Di- 
vine institution, and is based (so far as I 
have heard) on two passages in the Fii'st 
Series, — 

" An' you 'vo gut to git up airly, 
Ef you want to take in God," 

and, 

"God Ml send the bill to you," — 

and on some Scriptural illustrations by Mr. 
Sawin. Now, in the first place, I was writ- 
ing under an assumed character, and must 
talk as the person would whose mouthpiece 
I made myself. AMll any one familiar with 
the New England countryman venture to tell 
me that he does not speak of sacred things 



I NT no DUCT ION. 89 

familiarly? that J*il)lical allusions (allu- 
sions, that is, to the singlo book with whose 
language, from his church-going habits, he 
is intimate) are not frequent on his lips? 
If so, he cannot have pursued his studies of 
the character on so many long-ago muster- 
fields and at so many cattle-shows as I. 
But I scorn any such line of defence, and 
will confess at once that one of the things 1 
am proud of in my countrymen is (I am not 
speaking now of such persons as I have as- 
sumed Mr. Sawin to be) that they do not 
put their Maker away far from them, or in- 
terjirc^t the fear of (lod into being afraid 
of llim. The Talmudists had conceived a 
deep truth when they said, that " all things 
were in the power of God, save the fear of 
God ; " and when people stand in great 
dread of an invisible power, I suspect they 
mistake quite anotlier j)ersonagc for the 
Deity. I might justify myself for the pas- 
sages criticised by many parallel ones from 
Scripture, but I need not. The Keverend 
Homer Wilbur's note-books supply me with 
three apposite quotations. The first is from 
a Father of the Roman Church, the second 
from a Father of the Anglican, and the third 
from a Father of modern English poetry. 



90 INT ROD UC TION. 

The Puritan divines would furnish me with 
many more such. St. Bernard says, Sajnens 
nummularius est Deus : nummum fictum 
non Tecipiet ; " A cunning money-changer is 
God : he will take in no base coin." Lati- 
mer says, " You shall perceive that God, by 
this example, shaketh us by the noses and 
taketh us by the ears." Familiar enough, 
both of them, one would say ! But I should 
think Mr. Bigiow had verily stolen the last 
of the two maligned passages from Dryden's 
" Don Sebastian," where I find 

"And beg of Heaven to charge the bill on me ! " 

And there I leave the matter, being willing 
to believe that the Saint, the Martyr, and 
even the Poet, were as careful of God's 
honor as my critics are ever likely to be. 

J. R. L. 



IN TR OD UCTION, 91 



THE COURTIN'. 



God makes sech nights, all white an' still 

Fur 'z you can look or listen, 
Moonshine an' snow on field an' hill, 

All silence an' aU glisten. 

Zekle crep' up quite unbeknown 
An' peeked in thru' the winder. 

An' there sot Huldy all alone, 
'Ith no one nigh to hender. 

A fireplace filled the room 's one side 
With half a cord o' wood in — 

There warn't no stoves (tell comfort died) 
To bake ye to a puddin*. 

The wa'nut logs shot sparkles out 
Towards the pootiest, bless her, 

An' leetle flames danced all about 
The chiny on the dresser. 

Agin the chimbley crook-necks hung, 

An' in amongst 'em rusted 
The ole queen's-arm thet gran'ther Young 

Fetched back from Concord busted. 



92 INTRODUCTION. 

The very room, coz she was in, 

Seemed warm from floor to ceilin*, 

An' she looked full ez rosy agin 
Ez the apples she was peelin'. 

'T was kin' o' kingdom-come to look 

On sech a blessed cretiir, 
A dogrose blushin' to a brook 

Ain't modester nor sweeter. 

He was six foot o' man, A 1, 
Clean grit an' human natur* ; 

None could n't quicker pitch a ton 
Nor dror a furrer straighter. 

He 'd sparked it with full twenty gals, 
Hed squired 'em, danced 'em, druv 'em, 

Fust this one, an' then thet, by spells — 
All is, he could n't love 'em. 

But long o' her his veins 'ould run 
All crinkly like curled maple. 

The side she breshed felt full o' sun 
Ez a south slope in Ap'il. 

She thought no v'ice hed sech a swing 

Ez hisn in the choir ; 
My ! when he made Ole Hunderd ring, 

She knoived the Lord was nigher. 



IN TR ODUCTl ON. 9 3 

An' she 'd blush scarht, right in prayer, 

When her new meetin'-bimnet 
Felt somehow thru' its crown a pair 

O' blue eyes sot upon it. 

Thet night, I tell ye, she looked some ! 

She seemed to 've gut a new soul, 
For she felt sartin-sure he 'd come, 

Down to her very shoe-sole. 

She heered a foot, an' knowed it tu, 

A-raspin' on the scraper, — 
All ways to once her feelins flew 

Like sparks in burnt-up paper. 

He kin' o' htered on the mat 

Some doubtfle o' the sekle, 
His heart kep' goin' pity-pat. 

But hern went pity Zekle. 

An' yit she gin her cheer a jerk 
Ez though she wished him furder, 

An' on her apples kep' to work, 
Parin' away like murder. 

" You want to see my Pa, I s'pose ? " 

" Wal ... no ... I come dasignin' " — 

" To see my Ma ? She 's sprinkHn' clo'es 
Agin to-morrer's i'nin'." 



94 INTRODUCTION. 

To say why gals acts so or so, 
Or don't, 'ould be presumin* ; 

Mebby to mean ijes an' say no 
Conies nateral to women. 

He stood a spell on one foot fust, 
Then stood a spell on t'other, 

An' on wliicli one he felt the \viist 
He could n't ha' told ye nuther. 

Says he, " I 'd better call agin ; " 
Says she, '' Think likely, Mister ; " 

Thet last word pricked him like a pin, 
An' . . . Wal, he up an' kist her. 

Wlien Ma bimeby upon 'em slips, 

Hiddy sot pale ez ashes. 
All kin' o' smily roun' the lips 

An' teary roun' the lashes. 

For she was jes' the quiet kind 

Whose naturs never vaiy, 
Lilve streams that keep a summer mind 

Snowliid in Jenooary. 

The blood clost roun' her heart felt glued 
Too tight for all expressin'. 

Tell mother see how metters stood. 
And gin 'em both her blessin'. 



INTRODUCTION. 95 

Then her red come back like the tide 

Down to the Bay o' Fundy, 
An' all I know is they was cried 

In meetin' come nex' Sunday. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 



No. I. 

HIRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. 
HOSEA BIGLOW. 

LETTER FROM THE REVEREND HOMER WILBUR, 
M. A., ENCLOSING THE EPIHTLK AFORESAID. 

Jaalam, 15Ui N<^v., 1801. 

It is not from any idle wish to obtrude 
my humble person with undue prominence 
upon the public view that I resume my pen 
upon the present occasion. Junior en ad la- 
bor es. But having been a main instrument 
in rescuing the talent of my young parish- 
ioner from being buried in the ground, by 
giving it such warrant with the world as 
could be derived from a name already widely 
known by several printed discourses (all of 
which I may be permitted without immod- 
esty to state have been deemed worthy of 
preservation in the Library of Harvard Col- 



08 THE BIGLOW PArEliS. 

logo by luy osteomod friend INlr. Sibley), it 
seemed beeoniiiig that I should not only tes- 
tify to the genuineness of the following pro- 
duction, but call attention to it, the more as 
Mr. Higlow had so long been silent as to be 
in danjrer of absolute oblivion. I insinuate 
no claim to any share in the authorship (r/.c 
ea '?iostrii voco^ of the works already pub- 
lished by Mr. Bigiow, but merely talve to 
myself the credit of having fullilled toward 
them the office of taster Qcvpcrto crcile^, 
who, having first tried, could afterward bear 
witness (^crcdctizcn it was aptly named by 
the Germans), an office always arduous, and 
sometimes even dangerous, as in the case of 
those devoted persons who venture their 
lives in the deglutition of patent medicines 
{dolus latct i/i (jcnn'alihiis, there is deceit lu 
the most of them) and thereafter are wonder- 
fully preserved long enough to append their 
signatures to testimonials in the diurnal and 
hebdomadal prints. I say not this as cov- 
ertl}^ glancing at the authors of certain mtiii- 
uscripts which have been submitted to my 
literary judgment (though an epic in twen- 
ty-four books on the " Taking of Jericho " 
might, save for the prudent forethought of 
Mrs. Wilbur in secreting the same just as I 



TJJE liKJLOW PAr£JiS. 99 

had arrived beueath the walls and was be- 
ginning a eatalogue of the various horns and 
their blowers, too ambitiously emulous in lon- 
ganimity of Homer's list of ships, — might, 
I say, have rendered frustrate any hope 1 
eould entertain vacare Musis for the small 
remainder of my days), but only the further 
to secure myself against any imputation of 
unseemly forthputting. I will barely sub- 
join, in this connection, that, whereas Job 
was left to desire, in the soreness of his 
heart, that his adversary had written a book, 
as perchance misanthropically wishing to 
indite a review thereof, yet was not Satan 
allowed so far to tempt him as to send Bil- 
dad, Eliphaz, and Zophar each with an un- 
printed work in his wallet to be submitted 
to his censure. But of this enough. Were 
I in need of other excuse, I might add that 
I write by the express desire of Mr. Big- 
low himself, whose entire winter leisure is 
occupied, as he assures me, in answering 
demands for autograj^hs, a labor exacting 
enough in itself, and egregiously so to him, 
who, being no ready penman, cannot sign so 
much as his name without strange contor- 
tions of the face (his nose, even, being es- 
sential to complete success) and painfully 



100 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

suppressed Saint -Vitus-dance of every mus- 
cle in his body. This, with his having been 
put in the Commission of the Peace by our 
excellent Governor (0, si sic oirines!) im- 
mediately on his accession to office, keeps 
him continually employed. Hand inexper- 
tus loquor^ having for many years written 
myself J. P., and being not seldom applied 
to for specimens of my chirography, a re- 
quest to which I have sometimes over wealdy 
assented, believing as I do that nothing writ- 
ten of set purpose can properly be called an 
autograph, but only these unpremeditated 
sallies and lively runnings which betray the 
fireside Man instead of the hunted Notoriety 
doubling on his pursuers. But it is time 
that I should bethink me of St. Austin's 
prayer, libera me a meipso, if I would ar- 
rive at the matter in hand. 

Moreover, I had yet another reason for 
taking up the pen myself. I am informed 
that the Atlantic 3fonthly is mainly in- 
debted for its success to the contributions and 
editorial supervision of Dr. Holmes, whose 
excellent " Annals of America " occupy an 
honored place upon my shelves. The jour- 
nal itself I have never seen ; but if this be 
so, it might seem that the recommendation 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 101 

of a brother-clergyman (though pa7' magis 
quam similis^ should carry a greater weight. 
I suppose that you have a department for 
historical lucubrations, and should be glad, 
if deemed desirable, to forward for publica- 
tion my " Collections for the Antiquities of 
Jaalam," and my (now happily complete) 
pedigree of the Wilbur family from its /bns 
et origo, the Wild Boar of Ardennes. With- 
drawn from the active duties of my profes- 
sion by the settlement of a colleague-pastor, 
the Reverend Jeduthun Hitchcock, formerly 
of Brutus Four-Corners, I might find time 
for further contributions to general litera- 
ture on similar topics. I have made large 
advances towards a completer genealogy of 
Mrs. Wilbur's family, the Pilcoxes, not, if I 
know myself, from any idle vanity, but with 
the sole desire of rendering myself useful in 
my day and generation. Nulla dies sine 
lined. I inclose a meteorological register, 
a list of the births, deaths, and marriages, 
and a few memorabilia of longevity in Jaa- 
lam East Parish for the last haK-century. 
Though spared to the unusual period of 
more than eighty years, I find no diminution 
of my faculties or abatement of my natural 
vigor, except a scarcely sensible decay of 



102 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

memory and a necessity of recurring to 
younger eyesight or spectacles for the finer 
print in Crutk^n. It woukl gratify me to 
make some further provision for declining 
years from the emoluments of my literary 
labors. I had intended to effect an insur- 
ance on my life, but was deterred therefrom 
by a circular from one of the offices, in 
which the sudden death of so large a propor- 
tion of the insured was set forth as an in- 
ducement, that it seemed to me little less 
than a tempting of Providence. Neque in 
summd inopid levls esse senectus potest^ ne 
sapieyiti quidem. 

Thus far concerning Mr. Biglow ; and so 
much seemed needful (hrevis esse lahoro) 
by way of preliminary, after a silence of 
fourteen years. He greatly fears lest he may 
in tliis essay have fallen below himself, well 
knowing that, if exercise be dangerous on a 
full stomach, no less so is writing on a full 
reputation. Beset as he has been on all 
sides, he could not refrain, and would only 
imprecate patience till he shall again have 
"got the hang " (as he calls it) of an accom- 
plishment long disused. The letter of Mr. 
Sawin was received some time in last June, 
and others have followed which will in due 



TUE BIG LOW PAPERS. 103 

season be submitted to the public. How 
largely his statements are to be depended on, 
I more than merely dubitate. He was al- 
ways distinguished for a tendency to exag- 
geration — it might almost be qualified by 
a stronger term. F'ortiter mentire^ aliquid 
hmret^ seemed to be his favorite rule of rliet- 
oric. That he is actually where he says he 
is the post-mark would seem to confirm ; that 
he was received with the public demonstra- 
tions he describes would appear consonant 
with what we know of the habits of those re- 
gions ; but further than this I venture not to 
decide. I have sometimes suspected a vein 
of humor in him which leads him to speak 
by contraries ; but since, in the unstrained 
intercourse of private life, 1 have never ob- 
served in him any striking powers of inven- 
tion, I am the more willing to put a certain 
qualified faith in the incidents and details 
of life and manners which give to his narra- 
tives some portion of the interest and enter- 
tainment which characterizes a Century Ser- 
mon. 

It may be expected of me that I should 
say something to justify myself with the 
world for a seeming inconsistency with my 
well-known principles in allowing my young- 



>=«(^n to rnlst' :i ('om]):iny foi* ilic war, a fact 
known to all 1.1m"()ii<;Ii Mu^ nKMlliini of iho 
publico piint.s. I did reason with the youni;' 
man, hnt <'.v/><'//(fs iiahirani J't/rcd^ titDnii 
'UH(ji(c rccKrrif. Having myself been :i chap- 
lain ill 1812, I could the less wonder that a 
man of war liad spriini;- from my loins. It 
was, indeed, i^'rievons to send my Boiijamin, 
the child of my oKl a<;e ; bnt after the dis- 
(u>miitnie of Manassas, 1 with my own hands 
did buckle on his armor, trusting' in the i^roat 
Comforter and C\>nimaiidor for strength ao- 
cordini;* to my need. Vov truly the memory 
of a bravo son dead in his shroud were a 
gToator stallf of my deeliniiii»- years than a 
livins;" coward, (if those may be said to havo 
lived wlu) carry all of themselves into tho 
!;rave with them), thoni;h his days mij;ht bo 
loiii;* in the land, and he should i;et much 
H'oods. It is not till our earthen vessels are 
broken that we i\\\d and truly possess the 
treasure that was laid u}) in them. M'ujravi 
in (t/Hfini/n ;//(■</;/?, 1 have soui^ht r(*fui;e in 
my own soul ; nor wouUl 1 be siiauied by tho 
heathen comedian with his Aet/iKtm Ulud 
vcrliin/i^ bene ri//f^ /lisi bene jfaeit. Puring 
our dark days, 1 n^ad constantly in the in- 
spired book of flob, which 1 believe to con- 



TIIK liiai.OW I'AI'FJiH. 10r> 

tain more food to iiKiintain \\\v, iibro of tlm 
soul for right living* and Jiigli thinking than 
all ]):igan lit(;]'atui'c iog<!tIi(^r, tlioiigh I woidd 
by no ini^anH vilipend tlio .study of the clas- 
sics. There I read that Job said in his de- 
spair, (iven an the fool saith in his heart 
there i.s no (lod, " The taberna(;les of rob- 
bers prosper, and they that ])i'ovoke (iod are 
secure." (Job xii. G.) J^ut 1 sought fartlun* 
till I found this Scrij)tnr(; also, which I wouhl 
have tliose per])en(l who h;iv(; striven to turn 
our Israel aside to the worship of strauge 
gods : " If I did desj)iH(! the (;ause of my 
man-servant or of my niaid-servant when 
they contended with me, wliat tlien shall I 
do wlien (Jod riscith up? ;iud wh(.'ii he visit- 
eth, wliat shall I ausw(!r him?" (»I<)b xxxi. 
13, 14.) ()u this t(!xt I pr(3a(;heda diH(M)urso 
on the last day of P'astiiig and Humiliation 
with general acceptance, though there were 
not wanting one or two Laodiceans who said 
that I shouhl have wait(!d till the President 
announced his ])olicy. But let us hoi)e and 
pray, remembering this of Saint (jJregory, 
Vult Daus r()<jar% milt cof/i, vult qnadma 
importunitata vinci. 

Wo had our first fall of snow on 1^'riday 
last. Frosts have been unusually backward 



106 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

this fall. A singular circumstance occurred 
in this town on the 20th October, in the fam- 
ily of Deacon Pelatiah Tinkham. On the 
previous evening, a few moments before fam- 
ily-prayers, 

[The editors of the Atlantic find it neces- 
sary here to cut short the letter of their val- 
ued correspondent, which seemed calculated 
rather on the rates of longevity in Jaalam 
than for less favored localities. They have 
every encouragement to hope that he will 
write again.] 

With esteem and respect, 
Your obedient servant. 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 



It 's some consid'ble of a spell sence 1 hain't writ 

no letters, 
An' ther' 's gret changes hez took place in all po- 

Ut'cle metters : 
Some canderdates air dead an' gone, an' some 

hez ben defeated, 
Which 'mounts to pooty much the same ; fer it 's 

ben proved repeated 
A betch o' bread thet hain't riz once am't goin' 

to rise agin, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 107 

An' it 's jest money throwed away to put the 

emptins in : 
But thet 's wut folks wun't never larn ; they dunno 

how to go, 
Arter you want their room, no more 'n a bullet- 
headed beau ; 
Ther' 's oilers chaps a-hangin' roun' thet can't 

see pea-time 's past, 
Mis'ble as roosters in a rain, heads down an' 

tails half-mast : 
It ain't disgraceful bein' beat, when a hoU nation 

doos it. 
But Chance is like an amberUl, — it don't take 

twice to lose it. 

I spose you 're km' o' cur'ous, now, to know why 

I hain't writ. 
Wal, I' ve ben where a Htt'ry taste don't some- 
how seem to git 
Th' encouragement a feller 'd think, thet 's used 

to public schools. 
An' where sech things ez paper 'n' ink air clean 

agin the rules : 
A kind o' vicyvarsy house, built dreffle strong an' 

stout, 
So 's 't honest people can't git in, ner t' other sort 

git out. 
An' with the winders so contrived, you 'd prob'ly 

like the view 
Better alookin' in than out, though it seems sin- 

g'lar, tu ; 



108 rin: luaiow papers. 

JmiI tluMi tho lamlloi'tl sets by yo, can't bear ye 

out o' sight. 
Ami locks yo up cz vog'lar C7. an outside door at 

uiolit. 

This woiKl is a wile contrary : the rope may 

stretch your neck 
Thet niebby kep' anotlier chap from washin' off 

a wreck ; 
An' you may see the taters grow in one poor 

feller's patch. 
So small no self-res})ectin' hen thet rallied time 

'ould scratch. 
So small the rot can't find 'em out, an' then aoin' 

nex' door, 
Ez big ez wut hogs dream on when they 're 'most 

too fat to snore. 
But groutin' ain't no kin' o' use ; an' ef the fust 

throw fails, 
AVhy, up an' try agin, tliet 's all, — the coppers 

ain't all tails ; 
Though I /letf seen 'em when I thought they 

hed n't no more head 
Than 'd sarve a nussin' Brigadier thet gits some 

ink to shed. 

"When I writ last, I 'd ben turned loose by thet 

blamed nigger. Pomp, 
Ferlorner than a nuis(|uash, ef you 'd took lui' 

dreened his swamj) : 



TJIK Bid LOW J'APFJIH. 109 

I5ut 1 ain't o' tlic inoocliifi' kind, tliot 8et8 an' 

thinks fer weeks 
The bottom 'h out o' th' univarso cm-a tlioir own 

j^illpot leakn. 
I hod to cross hayou.s an' criks, (wal, it did boat 

all natur',) 
Upon a kin' o' cordcroy, fust lo^, th(;n alli;^ator : 
J^uck'ly the critters warn't nliarji-.sot ; J. ^uchs 

't wuz overruled, 
They 'd done their mornin's marketln' an' gut 

their hunger cool(;d ; 
Fer missionarieH to the Cre(;kH an' runaways are 

viewed 
By them an' folks ez sent express to be their reg- 

'lar food : 
Wutever 't wuz, they laid an' snoozed ez peace- 
fully ez sinners, 
Meek ez disgestin' deacons be at ordination din- 
ners ; 
¥A any on 'em turned an' snapped, I let 'em kin' 

o' taste 
My live-oak leg, an' so, ye see, ther' warn't no 

gret o' waste ; 
Fer they found out in quicker time than if they 'd 

ben to college 
'T warn't heartier food than tliough 't wuz made 

out o' the tree o' knowledge. 
But /tell you my other leg bed larned wut pizon- 

nettle meant, 
An' var'ous other usefle things, afore I reached a 

settlement, 



1 10 /•///• liidLow r.irih's. 

An' all o' WW tlu't wii/. n't. soro an* sontlin' pric- 

klt's linn \uc 
Wn/. jost tiio lot;- I j)arU>il with in licUin' IMonto- 

•/iiniv : 
A nsi>tl(» lin\l) it 's bon t«> \\u\ an' \\\ovo of a smj)- 

Than \\ nt i\\o oiUov \\c: hen, — co/. 1 dvov \vy 
\)cus'um (ov '[. 

\\:\\, 1 ;;(>t ii\ at last \vl\iM\^ folks \\\\/. fiviMll/.od 

an' \vhitt\ 
K/ I iliskivoroil ti> u»y I'ost at'mo t warn't liaiilly 

nioht ; 
For'/. I \\U7. siMtin' in tlu^ har a-takin' snnthin* 

hot. 
An' t'oolin* llko a. man a.i»in. all o\ov in ono -spot, 
A I't^lUM- lht<t sot «>pposito, arttM- a scjnint at nu\ 
lA^j>np an' tlrawoil his |>t'artM\iakor, an', '* Dai^h 

it. Sir," sn/. lu\ 
" 1 '\\\ (lonhloilashoil o( you ain't him th<>t stolo 

my yallor t-lu^ttlo, 
(^Yon 'ro all tho strhiii;vr thot 's arounvl.) so now 

yon *vo <;nt to sottlo : 
It ain't no nsi' to ari;tM-i"v ucv try to I'ut uj) frisky, 
I know yo o/, I know thi' smoll of olo chain lii;ht- 

nin' whiskoy ; 
Wo 'iv loixihitiin' fi>lks ilown hoio. w i> 11 li\ yo 

S(» 's 't a bar 
\\\miU1 n' tiH'h yc^ with a ton-foot polo; ^^Joilgo, 

yon jost warm tlu> tar :) 



THE iiKii.ow I' An: US. Ill 

You '11 Uilnk you M \>ii\Xi-A' ha' ^ol arnori^ a irifuj 

'(> Mon^rol 'i'ailaiH, 
'Koirt w(5 'v<; i\()iMi HJiowin' how v/c raJHf; otjr 

SonlhtjJi f)rI/<; iar-iriariyrH ; 
A moult.iri' f';i,lh;n r,h(;r'ul)ifri, id h(; HhouhJ WM y(5, 

'd Hnickcr, 
ThlnkiM' h(; warri'l, a Hdr-kcrriHtancf;. Corru;, ;^«;nlo 

jfjun l<*/ 'h lifjiior ; 
An' (jlin'ral, when you 'v(; mixed ihf; rlrinkH an' 

chalked 'em up, t/)t,e roun' 
An' Hee ef Uier' 'h a feaUier-hed fthet 'h horrya}>le) 

in t/iwn. 
W(; '11 ii-y ye fair, ole (irafted-h;^, an' e,f the l,ar 

wijfi'l HtJek, 
'I'll' ain't not a juror hen; hut wut, 'II 'rjuit y(j 

douhlequick." 
To cut it Hhort, \ wun't Hay HW(;et, tliey ^i' me a 

^ood dip, 
(Tliey '.iiu^t perfessin' liahptiHtH }iere,j tfien ^ive 

tFie hed a rip, — 
The jury 'd HOt, an quicker 'n a flash they hatchr;d 

me out, a livin' 
Extemp'ry inamnnotfi turkrjy-chick fer a Fejee 

'J'hankH^iven'. 
'rh(;t I felt Home stuck up ih wut it 'h nat'ral to 

HUppOHC, 

When poppylar enthusiasm fied funrjished me 

Hech cIo'oH ; 
(Ner 't ain't without edvantigcH, this kin' o' suit, 

ye see, 



111! THE Biai.OW FAPFRS. 

It *s wator-proof, :in' wator 'v*^ wiit I liUo Uop' out 

o' mo ;) 
Rut uut ooutout with thot. thov took a kovviiloe 

t'roui the fouoo 
Au' vid nio i\nu\' to soo tho plai'o. outiivly troo '£ 

oxpouso, 
AVith fovtv-'lovou uow kiuos o" savso without no 

i'havj;v aoquaiutod uu\ 
Gi" mo throo ohoors, au' vowoil thot I wu/. all 

thoiv tahnoy paiutoil mo : 
Thoy tivatoil mo to all tliolr ou^s ; (thoy koop 

'oui I shouUl thiuk. 
For sooh o\*ations, pooty loug. for thoy wu/. mos* 

distino* :^ 
Thoy starrod uio thiok '/. tho ^lilky-Way with in- 

lUsorinruit ohovity. 
For wut wo call roooptiou ogi^-s aiv suuthiu' of a 

rority ; 
Gvoou ouos is pleutitie auough, sku voo wuth a 

uiggvr's gothoriu'. 
But youv doad-ripo ouos rau^fos high for troatin* 

Nothuu brothoriu : 
A spottodor. riuo-stroakodor ohild tho* warn't in 

Uncle Sam's 
IIoll farm, — a oross of striped pig an' one o' 

Jaoob's lambs : 
'T will Dannil iu the Rous' dou, uow aud 'ularged 

edition. 
An' everythin' fust-rate o' 't^s kind, the* waru't no 

imporsitiou. 



THE li I G I. OW PA I> E RB. 1 1 3 

People 'k irnpulHivfir down ]i(:r('. t}jari wut our folkn 

to hfjrno })(;, 
An' kin' o' ^o it 'it.h a rohli in rainin' Hail Co- 

liiuiliy : 
Thet 'h ho: an' tljf^y Kwar-rnr^d out, liko bfif',H, for 

your roa! Southun mon's 
Time Ih n't o' njuch moro acr;ount than an olo 

Hottin' }jf;n'H; 
(Thfiy jf;Ht work Bonjioccanlinally, or eke don't 

wfjrk at all, 
An' HO tlieir time an' 'tontion both air at Ha^n'ty'H 

call.; 
Talk about honpatality ! wut Nothun trjwn d' ye 

know 
Would take a t<^>tle stranger up an' treat hirn 

g-rati.s HO ? 
You 'd bettf^r b'lieve ther' 'h notbin' like tbin 

Hpendin' dayn an' nigbts 
Along 'ith a dependent rac^e fer civerlizin' whites. 

But tbin wuz all prelirn'nary ; it'n ho Gran' Jurors 

Ijere 
Fin' a true bill, a bendier way than ourn. an' nut 

so dear ; 
So arter this they sentenced me, to make all tight 

'n' snug, 
Afore a reg'lar court o' law, to ten vears in the 

Jug. 
I did n' make no gret defence : you don't feel 

much like speakin', 



114 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

When, ef you let your clamshells gape, a quart 

o' tar will leak in : 
I hev hearn tell o' winged words, but pint o' fact 

it tethers 
The spoutin' gift to hev your words tu thick sot 

on with feathers, 
An' Choate ner Webster would n't ha' made an 

A 1 kin' o' speech 
Astride a Southun chestnut horse sharper 'n a 

baby's screech. 
Two year ago they ketched the thief, 'n' seein' I 

wuz innercent, 
They jest oncorked an' le' me run, an' in my stid 

the sinner sent 
To see how he liked pork 'n' pone flavored with 

wa'nut saplin'. 
An' nary social priv'ledge but a one-hoss, starn- 

wheel chaplin. 
When I come out, the folks behaved mos' gen'- 

manly an' harnsome ; 
They 'lowed it would n't be more 'n right, ef I 

should cuss 'n' darn some : 
The Cunnle he apolergized ; sez he, "I '11 du 

wut 's right, 
I '11 give ye settisfection now by shootin' ye at 

sight. 
An' give the nigger, (when he 's caught,) to pay 

him fer his trickin' 
In gittin' the wrong man took up, a most H fired 

lickin', — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 115 

It 's jest the way with all on 'em, the inconsistent 

critters, 
They 're 'most enough to make a man blaspheme 

his mornin' bitters ; 
I '11 be your frien' thru thick an' thin an' in aU 

kines o' weathers, 
An' aU you '11 hev to pay fer 's jest the waste o' 

tar an' feathers : 
A lady owned the bed, ye see, a widder, tu, Miss 

Shennon ; 
It wuz her mite ; we would ha' took another, ef 

ther' 'd ben one : 
We don't make no charge for the ride an' all the 

other fixins. 
Le' 's liquor ; Gin'ral, you can chalk our friend 

for all the mixins." 
A meetin' then wuz called, where they "Re- 
solved, Thet we respec' 
B. S. Esquire for quallerties o' heart an' intellec' 
Peculiar to Columby's sile, an' not to no one 

else's, 
Thet makes European tyrans scringe in all their 

gilded pel'ces. 
An' doos gret honor to our race an' Southun in- 

stitootions : " 
(I give ye jest the substance o' the leadin' reso- 

lootions :) 
"Resolved, Thet we revere in him a soger 

'thout a flor, 
A martyr to the princerples o' libbaty an' lor : 



116 TEE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Resolved, Thet other nations all, ef sot 'longside 

o' us, 
For vartoo, larnin', chivverlry, ain't noways wuth 

a cuss." 
They gut up a subscription, tu, but no gret come 

o' thet ; 
I 'xpect in cairin' of it roun' they took a leaky 

hat; 
Though Southun genelmun ain't slow at puttin' 

down their name, 
(When they can write,) fer in the eend it comes 

to jes' the same, 
Because, ye see, 't 's the fashion here to sign an' 

not to think 
A critter 'd be so sordid ez to ax 'em for the 

chink : 
I did n't call but jest on one, an' he drawed 

toothpick on me. 
An' reckoned he warn't goin' to stan' no sech 

doggauned econ'my ; 
So nothin' more wuz realized, 'ceptin' the good- 
will shown, 
Than ef 't had ben from fust to last a reg'lar 

Cotton Loan. 
It 's a good way, though, come to think, coz ye 

enjy the sense 
O' lendin' lib'rally to the Lord, an' nary red o' 

'xpense : 
Sence then I got my name up for a gin'rous- 

hearted man 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 117 

By jes' subscribin' right an' left on this high- 
minded plan ; 

I Ve gin away my thousans so to every Southun 
sort 

O' missions, colleges, an' sech, ner ain't no poorer 
for 't. 

I warn't so bad off, arter all ; I need n't hardly 
mention 

That Guv'ment owed me quite a pile for my ar- 
rears o' pension, — 

I mean the poor, weak thing we hed : we run a 
new one now, 

Thet strings a feller with a claim up ta the 
nighes' bough, 

An' prectises the rights o' man, purtects down- 
trodden debtors, 

Ner wun't hev creditors about a-scrougin' o' their 
betters ; 

Jeff 's gut the last idees ther' is, poscrip', four- 
teenth edition, 

He knows it takes some enterprise to run an op- 
persition ; 

Ourn 's the fust thru-by-daylight train, with all 
ou'doors for deepot, 

Yourn goes so slow you 'd think 't wuz drawed 
by a las' cent'ry teapot ; — 

Wal, I gut all on 't paid in gold afore our State 
seceded. 

An' done wal, for Confed'rit bonds warn't jest 
the cheese I needed : 



118 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Nut but wut they 're ez good ez gold, but then 

it 's hard a-breakin' on 'em, 
An' ignorant folks is oilers sot an' wun't git used 

to takin' on 'em; 
They 're wuth ez much ez wut they wuz afore ole 

Mem'nger signed 'em, 
An' go off middlin' wal for drinks, when ther' *s 

a knife behind 'em ; 
We du miss silver, jes' fer thet an' ridin' in a bus. 
Now we 've shook off the desputs thet wuz suck- 
in' at our pus ; 
An' it 's because the South 's so rich ; 't wuz nat'- 

ral to expec' 
Supplies o' change wuz jes' the things we should 

n't recollec' ; 
We 'd ough' to ha' thought aforehan', though, o' 

thet good rule o' Crockett's, 
For 't 's tiresome cairin' cotton-bales an' niggers 

in your pockets, 
Ner 't ain't quite handy to pass off one o' your 

six-foot Guineas 
An' git your halves an' quarters back in gals an' 

pickaninnies : 
Wal, 't ain't quite all a feller 'd ax, but then 

ther' 's this to say, 
It 's on'y jest among ourselves thet we expec* to 

pay; 

Our system would ha' caird us thru in any Bible 

cent'ry, 
Fore this onscripterl jDlan come up o' books by 

double entry ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 119 

We go the patriarkle here out o' all sight an' 

hearin', 
For Jacob warn't a suckemstance to Jeff at finan- 

cierin' ; 
He never 'd thought o' borryin' from Esau like 

all nater 
An' then cornfiscatin' all debts to sech a small 

pertater ; 
There 's p'litickle econ'my, now, combined 'ith 

morril beauty 
Thet saycrifices privit eends (your in'my's, tu) 

to dooty ! 
Wy, Jeff 'd ha' gin him five an' won his eye-teeth 

'fore he knowed it, 
An', stid o' wastin' pottage, he 'd ha' eat it up 

an' owed it. 
But I wuz goin' on to say how I come here to 

dwall ; — 
'Nough said, thet, arter lookin' roun', I liked the 

place so wal. 
Where niggers does a double good, with us atop 

to stiddy 'em, 
By bein' proofs o' prophecy an' suckleatin' me- 
dium. 
Where a man 's sunthin' coz he 's white, an' 

whiskey 's cheap ez fleas. 
An' the financial poUercy jes' sooted my idees, 
Thet I friz down right where I wuz, merried the 

Widder Shennon, 
(Her thirds wuz part in cotton-land, part in the 

curse o' Canaan,) 



120 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' here I be ez lively ez a chipmunk on a wall, 
With notliin' to feel riled about much later 'n 
Eddam's fall. 

Ez fur ez human foresight goes, we made an 

even trade : 
She got an overseer, an' I a fem'ly ready-made, 
(The youngest on 'em 's 'mos' growed up,) rug- 
ged an' spry ez weazles. 
So 's 't ther' 's no resk o' doctors' bills fer hoop- 

in'-cough an' measles. 
Our farm 's at Turkey-Buzzard Roost, Little Big 

Boosy River, 
Wal located in all respex, — fer 't ain't the chills 

'n' fever 
Thet makes my writin' seem to squirm ; a South- 

uner 'd allow I 'd 
Some call to shake, for I 've jest hed to meller a 

new cowhide. 
Miss S. is all 'f a lady; th' ain't no better on 

Big Boosy, 
Ner one with more accomplishmunts 'twixt here 

an' Tuscaloosy; 
She 's an F. F., the tallest kind, an' prouder 'n 

the Gran' Turk, 
An' never hed a relative thet done a stroke o' 

work ; 
Hern ain't a scrimpin' fem'ly sech ez you git up 

Down East, 
Th' ain't a growed member on 't but owes his 

thousuns et the least : 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 121 

She is some old ; but then agin ther' 's draw- 
backs in my sheer : 
Wut 's left o' me ain't more 'n enough to make a 

Brigadier : 
Wust is, thet she liez tantrums ; she 's like Seth 

Moody's gun 
(Him thet wuz nicknamed from his limp Ole Dot 

an' Kerry One) ; 
He 'd left her loaded uj) a spell, an' hed to git 

her clear, 
So he onhitched, — Jeerusalem ! the middle o' 

last year 
Wus right nex' door compared to where she 

kicked the critter tu 
(Though jest where he brought up wuz wut no 

human never knew) ; 
His brother AsajDh jiicked her up an' tied her to 

a tree, 
An' then she kicked an hour 'n' a half afore she 'd 

let it be : 
Wal, Miss S. (loos hev cuttins-up an' pourins-out 

o' vials, 
But then she hez her widder's thirds, an' all on 

us hez trials. 
My objec', though, in writin' now warn't to al- 
lude to sech. 
But to another suckemstance more dellykit to 

tech, — 
I want thet you should grad'Uy break my mer- 

riage to Jerushy, 



l*Jl^ THE liiaiOW FAPFRS. 

An* tluMv 's a heap of avovmiiiits thot 's oiuple to 

iuilooi'O yo : 
Fust ]>lai'o, Stato'j? Prison. — wal, it 's triio it 

>varirt tor orinio, o' oourso. 
Init tluui it 's jest the smue for lior in gittiu' a 

disvoroo ; 
Nox' place, luy State's seeedin' out he/, leo'lly 

let" lue free 
To merry any one I please, pervidln' it 's a 

she : 
Fin'lly, I never >vuu"t eonie baek. she need n't 

hev m^ fear on "t. 
l>ut then it 's wal to tix tliiuo-s right fer fear ^liss 

S. should hear on *t : 
Lastly. 1 've g-ut relii^ion South, an' Kushy she 's 

a pagan 
Thet sets l\v tii' graven iniiges o* the gret Nothun 

Dagou : 
(^^sow 1 hain't seen one in six munts, for, seuee 

our Tivashry Loan, 
Though yaller boys is tliiek anough. eagles he/, 

kind o* tlown :) 
An' ef d. wants a stronger pint than them thet I 

hev statet.'. 
AVy, she *s an aliun in'my now, an' 1 've been 

corntisoateil, — 
For senee we *ve entered on th' estate o' the late 

nayshnul eagle. 
She hain't no kin' o' right but jes' wut 1 allow ez 

legle : 



77/ A' niClJjW I'AI'KRH. 123 

Wut dooH Secedin' moan, of 't ain't thot nat'rul 

rightH hoz riz, 'n' 
Thet wxit Ih mino 'h my owrj, but wiit \ another 

man's ain't his'n ? 

BesidcK, 1 ooulfl n't do no cIho ; Miss 8. huz hHo 

to rrifj, 
"You've hheered my hed," [thet 'h wlien J paid 

my interduction fee 
To Southun riteH,] "an' kep' your nlieer," [wal, 

I allow it Btieked 
So 'h 't 1 wuz most Hix week.s in jail afore I jnjt 

me pi eked,] 
" Ner never paid no demmlgen ; but thet wun't 

do \\u harm, 
Pervidin' thet you '11 ondertake to overFiee the 

f aiTn ; 
(My eldeH' boy Ih so took up, wut with the Ring- 
tail Rangers 
An' settin' in the Jestice-Court for welcomin' o' 

strangers ; ") 
[He sot on me /] " an' so, ef you '11 jest onder- 
take the care 
Upon a mod'rit sellery, we '11 up an' call it 

square ; 
But ef you cjinH conclude," suz she, an' give a 

kin' o' gi'in, 
" Wy, the Gran' Jurymen, I 'xpect, '11 hev to set 

agin." 
Thet 's the way metters stood at fust ; now wut 

wuz I to du. 



124 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

But jes' to make the best on 't an' off coat an' 

buckle tu ? 
Ther' ain't a livin' man thet finds an income 

necessarier 
Than me, — bimeby I 'U tell ye how I fin'lly 

come to merry her. 

She bed another motive, tu : I mention of it 

here 
T' encourage lads thet 's growin' up to study 'n' 

persevere, 
An' show 'em how much better 't pays to mind 

their winter-schoolin' 
Than to go off on benders 'n' sech, an' waste 

their time in foolin' ; 
Ef 't warn't for studyin' evenins, I never 'd ha' 

been here 
An orn'ment o' saciety, in my approprut spear : 
She wanted somebody, ye see, o' taste an' culti- 
vation, 
To talk along o' preachers when they stopt to the 

plantation ; 
For folks in Dixie th't read an' rite, onless it is 

by jarks, 
Is skurce ez wut they wuz among th' oridgenle 

patriarchs ; 
To fit a feller f ' wut they call the soshle higher- 

archy, 
All thet you've gut to know is jes' beyund an 

evrage darky ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 125 

Schoolin' 's wut they can't seem to stan', they 're 

tu consarned high-pressure, 
An' knowin' t' much might spile a boy for bein' 

a Secesher. 
We hain't no settled preachin' here, ner minis- 

teril taxes ; 
The min'ster's only settlement 's the carpet-bag 

he packs his 
Razor an' soap-brush intu, with his hymbook an' 

his Bible, — 
But they du preach, I swan to man, it 's puf 'kly 

indescrib'le ! 
They go it like an Ericsson's ten-hoss-power col- 
eric ingine. 
An' make Ole Split-Foot winch an' squirm, for 

all he 's used to singein' ; 
Hawkins's whetstone ain't a pinch o' primin' to 

the inards 
To hearin' on 'em put free grace t' a lot o' tough 

old sinhards ! 
But I must eend this letter now : 'fore long I '11 

send a fresh un ; 
I 've lots o' things to write about, perticklerly 

Seceshun : 
I 'm called off now to mission-work, to let a leetle 

law in 
To Cynthy's hide : an' so, till death, 
Yourn, 

BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN. 



No. II. 

MASON AND SLIDELL: A YANKEE 
IDYLL. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 

Jaalam, 6th Jan., 1862. 

Gentlemen, — I was highly gratified by 
the insertion of a portion of my letter in the 
last number of your valuable and entertain- 
ing Miscellany, though in a type which ren- 
dered its substance inaccessible even to the 
beautiful new spectacles presented to me by 
a Committee of the Parish on New- Year's 
Day. I trust that I was able to bear your 
very considerable abridgment of my lucubra- 
tions with a spirit becoming a Christian. 
My third granddaughter, Rebekah, aged 
fourteen years, and whom I have trained to 
read slowly and with proper emphasis (a 
practice too much neglected in our modern 
systems of education), read aloud to me the 
excellent essay upon " Old Age," the author 
of which I cannot help suspecting to be a 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 127 

young man who has never yet known what 
it was to have snow (canities morosa) upon 
his own roof. Dissolve frigus^ large super 
foco ligna reponens^ is a rule for the young, 
whose wood-pile is yet abundant for such 
cheerful lenitives. A good life behind him 
is the best thing to keep an old man's shoul- 
ders from shivering at every breath of sor- 
row or ill-fortune. But methinks it were 
easier for an old man to feel the disadvan- 
tages of youth than the advantages of age. 
Of these latter I reckon one of the chief- 
est to be this : that we attach a less inor- 
dinate value to our own productions, and, 
distrusting daily more and more our own 
wisdom (with the conceit whereof at twen- 
ty we wrap ourselves away from knowl- 
edge as with a garment), do reconcile our- 
selves with the wisdom of God. I could 
have wished, indeed, that room might have 
been made for the residue of the anecdote 
relating to Deacon Tinkham, which would 
not only have gratified a natural curiosity 
on the part of the public (as I have reason 
to know from several letters of inquiry al- 
ready received), but would also, as I think, 
have largely increased the circulation of 
your magazine in this town. Nihil humani 



128 THE HI a LOW rAVints. 

(tlicinun^ tluM'c is a (MirlosiLy about Mio af- 
fairs of our lUMglibors whicli is not only ])ar- 
ilonablo, but ovcmi coninu'nibible. l^iit 1 
shall abide a niori^ fittini;- season. 

7\s toucbini;- tlu^ followini;- literacy effort 
of Kscjulre l>ii;Io\v, niucli nni;lit b(> profitably 
said on tliC! t()j)ie of Idyllie and Pastoral 
Pocitry, and eoncernini;' the ])ro|>er distinc- 
tions to bo made between tlieni, from Thc- 
oeritns, the inventor of the former, to Collins, 
the latest author I know of who has enndated 
the classics in the latter style. But in the 
time of a Cyivil War worthy a Milton to de- 
fend and a Lucan to sing, it may be reason- 
ably doubtcnl whether the })ublic, never too 
studious of serious instruction, mi<;ht not 
consider other objects more deservin<^ of 
])rcscnt atttMition. C'Oncernini»' the l<lyll, 
which Mr. Billow has adopted at my sui;- 
gestion, it may not be improper to animad- 
vert, that tiie name pro])ci-ly sii;nilies a ])oem 
somewhat rustic in phrase (^for, though the 
learned are not agreed as to the particular 
diabu't emidoycd by T]i(M)critus, they are uni- 
vi^rsanimous both as to its rusticity and its 
capacity of rising now and then to the level 
of more elevated sentiments and expressions), 
while it is also descriptive of real scenery 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 129 

and manners. Yet it must be admitted that 
the production now in question (which here 
and there bears perhaps too pLiinly tlie marks 
of my correcting liand) does partake of the 
nature of a Pastoral, inasmuch as the interlo- 
cutors therein are ])urely imaginary beings, 
and the whole is little blotter than Kairvov cTKLa<s 
ovap. The plot was, as I believe, suggested 
by the " Twa Brigs " of Robert Burns, a Scot- 
tish poet of the last century, as that found 
its prototype in the " Mutual Complaint of 
Plainstanes and Causey " by Fergusson, 
though the metre of this latter be different 
by a foot in each verse. I reminded my 
talented young parishioner and friend that 
Concord Bridge had long since yielded to 
the edacious tooth of Time. But he an- 
swered me to this effect: that there was no 
greater mistake of an author than to sup- 
])ose the I'eader had no fancy of his own ; 
that, if once that faculty was to be called 
into activity, it were hctter to be in for the 
whole sheep than the shoulder ; and that he 
knew Concord like a book, — an ex])i'cssion 
(piestionable in j)i'()i)riety, since there are 
few things with which he is not more famil- 
iar than with the printed page. In proof of 
what he affirmed, he showed me some verses 



130 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

which with others he had stricken out as too 
much (lehiyliig tlic action, but which I com- 
municate in this phice because they rightly 
define " punkin-seed " (which Mr. Bartlett 
wouhl have a kind of perch, — a creature to 
which I have found a rod or pole not to be 
so easily equivalent in our iidand waters as 
in the books of arithmetic), and because it 
conveys an culogium on the worthy son of 
an excellent father, with whose acquaintance 
(^eheu fugaces anni /) 1 was formerly hon- 
ored. 

" But nowadays the Bridn^e ain't wiit they show, 
So much ez Em' son, Hawthorne, an' Thoroau. 
I know tlie village, though ; was sent there once 
A-schoolin', 'cause to home I played the dunce ; 
An' I 've ben sence a-visitin' the Jedgc, 
Whose gardiug whispers with the river's Q^ga, 
Where I 've sot mornin's lazy as the bream, 
Whose ou'y business is to head up-stream, 
(We call 'em punkin-seed,) or else in chat 
Along 'th the Jedge, who covers with his hat 
More wit an' gumption an' shrewd Yankee sense 
Than there is mosses on an ole stone fence." 

Concerning the subject - matter of the 
verses, I have not tlie leisure at present to 
write so fully as I could wish, my time be- 
ing occupied with the preparation of a dis- 
course for the forthcoming bi-centenary cel- 
ebration of the first settlement of Jaalam 



THE DIG LOW rAPEIiS. 131 

East Parish. It may gratify the public in- 
terest to mention the circumstance, that my 
investitrations to this end have enabled me 
to verify the fact (of much historic im- 
portance, and hitherto hotly debated) that 
Shear jashub Tar box was the first child of 
white parentage born in this town, being 
named in his father's will under date Au- 
gust 7"', or 9"S 1662. It is well known that 
those who advocate the claims of Mehetable 
Goings are unable to find any trace of her 
existence prior to October of that year. As 
respects the settlement of the Mason and 
Slidell question, Mr. Biglow has not incor- 
rectly stated the popular sentiment, so far 
as I can judge by its expression in this local- 
ity. For myself, I feel more sorrow than 
resentment ; for I am old enough to have 
heard those talk of England who still, even 
after the unhappy estrangement, could not 
unschool their lips from calling her the 
Mother-country. But England has insisted 
on ripping up old wounds, and has undone 
the healing work of fifty years ; for nations 
do not reason, they only feel, and the spretce 
injuria formm rankles in their minds as bit- 
terly as in that of a woman. And because 
this is so, I feci the more satisfaction that 



182 TlIK lUai.OW VAl'lRS. 

our i;ov(Mnin(Mit. lias \\vU\\ (^as all (lovorii- 
nuMits should, standliiL;- as Ihoy do botweon 
tlui ])Ooi)lo and IIumt passions) as if it had 
arrivtul at yoars of discrolion. Thoro aro 
thnH> short and slniidi* Avords, (lio hardost of 
all (o prononnco in any lani;'uai;v (^and I sns- 
poi't thoy woiv no easier hefoiv tho confusion 
of toui^uos), hut whiv'h no man or nation 
thai cannot uticM- can claim to have arrived 
at manhood. Those words arc, / y/v^*< 
irrofK/ ; and 1 am proud that, while Eng- 
land played the boy, our rulers had strens;(h 
onou<;li from the IVople below and wisilom 
enou<;li from (rod above to quit thomsclves 
like men. 

The sore ]>oints on both sides have been 
ski! fully exasperated by interested and un- 
scrupulous piM'sons, who saw in a war be- 
tween the two countries the only hopt* of 
profitable n»turn for their invivstmcnt in 
C\>nfederaie stoi'k, whetluM* political or Unan- 
eial. The* always suptM'cilious, ofttMi insult- 
ini;', and sometimes i^vtMi brutal tt>ne of Brit- 
ish journals autl public uumj lias certainly 
nt>t tended to sooth(» whatever ri^sentment 
n\iiiht exist in Anuu-ii-a. 



O" 



TiMliMps it was rii;Ii( to dissiMuMo your lovo, 
lint whv dill von kirlv ino tiowii stairs V" 



Till': liici.ow rAriuH. \\V.\ 

We, lijivo IK) rc.aHoii to (roiiiplniii UimI, I^'^n^- 
l:ui(l, .'IS a ncccHHury (joiiKiMjiKiiiccr of Ih;i- ('IiiI)H, 
Ji.'is Ik',<',()1ii() a ^r(!at Hcxrirty lor tli(5 iniiidiii^" 
of o(,li(u* ))(!0|)I<!'h ]niHiiM!HH, Mild W(5 can Hinilo 
f^oo(l-natur<Mlly wImii hIk; I<;('.(,iii('.h oUicr ii:i- 
tioiis oil tli« hIiih of arroj»aii(;o and (joncutil, ; 
l)iil w<^ »"«'>y j"Mtly (joiiHidca* it a l)r(!a(^li of ilio 
|)olil,i(ta] ('oiiDV'iianci'n wliiirli arc (5X[)<!(^t<!d to 
r(!^ul;itn ilio ini<!r(M)Ui'H(; of on<; wdl - l)r<Ml 
pjovcjiirncnl, with aMoilHU*, vvIkmi iii(;ii lioldin^ 
|)la<'<'H ill tlio ininiHtry allow tli(!iiiH<dv<!H to dic- 
tai<M)iir(loiiicHti(! policy, to instruct uh in our 
<lnty, an<l to Hti^in;itiz<5 ;ih nnlioly .'», w.'ir for 
tlict r<^S(Mi(i of wii.'itcvcr :i liij^h minded jxtopjo 
HJionld ))old inoHt vit:il and inost Ha<u-<Ml. 
Was it in ^ood taste, that I may use. th<5 
inihhiHt term, for r.arl l»nsH<dl to expound 
our own (Joiistitution lo l*r<^sident Lincoln, 
or to make a now and fallacious a,j)|)lieation 
of an old [)Iira,H<^ for our IxtiKilit, and tcdl us 
that lJi(^ ]i(tl)<'Is W(;re fi^litiii^' for iiKh^jxtn- 
d(-'net) and w<5 for (jnifiiro? Ah if all warn 
for Ind(^j)(inden(;(5 w<M(i hy naturo just and 
deH(;rvin^ of Hympa-thy, and all wars for em- 
pire i<4nohl(5 and worthy only of reprohation, 
or as if tluise (jasy phrases in any way cJiar- 
act(M*iz(*d this tr^rrihhi stru^j^le — t(irril)l(3 
not so truly in any sujM;rfieial S(;ns(!, as from 



134 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

tlie essential and doa^lly enmity of the prin- 
ciples that nnderlio it. His Lordship's bit 
of borrowed rhetoric would justify Smith 
O'Brien, Nana Sahib, and the ^laori chief- 
tains, while it would eondenni nearly every 
war in which Enghind has ever been en- 
gaged. A\ as it so very presumptuous in us 
to think that it would be decorous in Eng- 
lish statesmen if they spared time enough to 
acquire some kind of knowledge, though of 
the most elementary kind, in regard to this 
country and the ipuvstions at issue here, be- 
fore they pronounced so off-hand a judg- 
ment ? Or is politicid information expected 
to come Dogberry-fashion in England, like 
reading and AVTiting, by nature ? 

And now all respectable England is won- 
dering at our irritability, and sees a quite 
satisfactory explanation of it in our national 
vanity. Suace ?nart mag no ^ it is pleasant, 
sitting in tlie easy-chairs of Downing Street, 
to sprinkle pepper on the raw wounds of a 
kindred people struggling for life, and phil- 
osophical to lind in self-conceit the cause of 
our instinctive resentment. Surely we were 
of all nations the least liable io any tempta- 
tion of vanity at a time when the gravest 
anxiety and the keenest sorrow were never 



THE B J GLOW PAPERS. 135 

absent from our hearts. Nor is conceit the 
exclusive attribute of any one nation. The 
earliest of Enj^lish travellers, Sir John Man- 
deville, took a less provincial view of the 
matter when he said, "For fro what partie 
of the erthe that men duellen, other aboven 
or beneathen, it semethe alweys to hem that 
duelleu that thei gon more righte than any 
other folke." The English have always had 
their fair share of this amial)le quality. We 
may say of them still, as the author of the 
Lettres CabalistiqueH said of them more 
than a century a^^o, " Ces derniers disent 
naturdlcnumt (pi' II n^y a qu^eux qui soient 
estimahles.'' And, as he also says, "./V/ime- 
roi.s presque autant tornher eiitre las mains 
d^un Jnquisiteur que dhin Anglois qui me 
fait sentir sans cesse comhien II s'estime plus 
que moi^ et qui ne daigne me parler que pour 
injurier ma Nation et pour mi'ennuyer du re- 
cit des (jrandes qualitSs de la sienney Of 
tJds Bull we may safely say with Horace, 
hahetfcenum in cornu. What we felt to be 
especially insulting was the quiet assumption 
that the descendants of men who left the 
Ohl World for tlie sake of principle, and 
who had made the wilderness into a New 
World patterned after an Idea, could not 



18() TllF liiai.OW VAVl'liS. 

possibly bo susi'optlblo of a j^iMiorous or lofty 
sentiinont, oouUl \va\c no foolini»* of iiatiou- 
alifcy deeper than that ot" a tratlesnian for his 
shop. One would have thought, in listening 
to England, that we were ])resuniptuous in 
faneying that we wert» a nation at all, or 
had any other prinelple oT union than that 
of booths at a fair, when* tluMV is no higher 
notion ot" governnieut tliau the t'onstable, or 
blotter image of (lod tlian that stamped upon 
the eurrent eoiu. 

It is time for Knglishmen to eonsider 
whether there was nothing in the spirit of 
their press and of their loading public men 
ealeulated to rouse a just imlignation, and 
to eause a pernianent estrangement on the 
)>art of any nation capable of self-respect, 
and sensitively jealous, as ours then w\as, of 
foreign interference. Was there nothing in 
the indecent haste with whieh belligerent 
rights were conceded to the llcbels, nothing 
in the abrupt tone assumed in the Trent 
ease, nothing in the titting out of Confeder- 
ate })rivateers, that miglit stir the blood of 
a people already overehargiHl with doubt, 
suspicion, and terribh* res])onsibility ? The 
laity in any country do not stoi> to consider 
points of law, but they have an instinctive 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 137 

appreciation of the animus that actuates the 
policy of a foreign nation ; and in our own 
case they remembered that the British au- 
thorities in Canada did not wait till diplo- 
ma(;y could send home to England for her 
slow official tinder-}x)x to fire the " Caro- 
line." Add to this, what every sensible 
American knew, that the moral support of 
England was equal to an army of two hun- 
dred thousand men to the Rebels, while it 
insured us another year or two of exhausting 
war. It was not so much the spite of her 
words (though the time might have been 
more tastefully chosen) as the actual power 
for evil in them that we felt as a deadly 
wrong. Perhaps the most immediate and 
efficient cause of mere irritation was the 
sudden and unaccountable change of man- 
ner on the other side of the water. Only 
six months before, the Prince of Wales had 
come over to call us cousins ; and every- 
where it was nothing but "our American 
brethren," that great ofPshoot of British 
institutions in the New World, so almost 
identical with them in laws, language, and 
literature, — this last of the alliterative com- 
pliments being so bitterly true, that perhaps 
it will not be retracted even now. To this 



138 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

outburst of long-repressed affection we re- 
sponded with genuine warmth, if with some- 
thing of tlie awkwarchiess of a poor relation 
bewildered with the sudden tightening of 
the ties of consanguinity when it is rumored 
that he has come into a large estate. Then 
came the Rebellion, and, presto ! a flaw in 
our titles was discovered, the plate we were 
promised at the family table is flung at our 
head, and we were again the scum of crea^ 
tion, intolerably vulgar, at once cowardly 
and overbearing, — no relations of theirs, 
after all, but a dreggy hybrid of the basest 
bloods of Europe. Panurge was not quicker 
to call Friar eTohn \\\s former friend. I can- 
not help thinking of Walter Mapes's jingling 
paraphrase of Petronius, — 

"Diimmodo sim splendidis vestibus ornatus, 
Et multa familia sim circumvallatus, 
Prudons sum et sapiens ot morigoratus, 
Et tuns uopos sum et tu meus cognatus," — 

which I may freely render thus : — 

So long as I was prosperous,, J M dinners by tbe dozen, 
Was well-bred, witty, virtuous, and ever3'body's cousin : 
If luek should turn, as well she may, her fancy is so Hexile, 
Will virtue, coiisinship, and all return with her from exile'? 

There was notliing in all this to exasper- 
ate a philosopher, nuich to make him smile 
rather ; but the earth's surface is not chiefly 



77/ /i' JtKJLOW /'AJ'I'JJiS. 139 

inhabited l>y pliilosophcrs, and I roviv(; tli(3 
recollection of it now in perfect good humor, 
inerely ])y way of Kn^'^<!Htinjj^ to our cA-dc/imnt 
British couninH, that it would have heen 
easier for them to hold th(ilr ton^u(;,s tlian 
for UH to keep our temperH under the circum- 
stances. 

The English Cabinet made a })lund(!r, 
unquestionably, in taking it so hastily for 
granted that the United States liad fallen 
forever from their position as a first-rate 
power, and it was natural that th(;y should 
vent a little of their vexation upr)n the peo- 
ple whose inexplicalde obstinacy in maintain- 
ing freedom and order, and in resisting deg- 
radation, was likely to convict them ^/i their 
mistake. J>ut if bearing a la-adgci l)e the 
sure mark of a small mind in the individual, 
can it be a proof of high sj)irit in a nation? 
If the result of the ])r(iKent estrangement be- 
tween the two countries shall be to make us 
more indej)endent of British twaddle, (^In- 
domito ne<: dlra fcrc/riH Htljjandla Tauro^ 
so much the better ; but if it is to make us 
insensible to the value of British o])inIon, in 
matters where it gives us the judgment of an 
impartial and cultivated outsider, if we are 
to shut ourselves out from the advantages of 



140 77/ A- HI GLOW PAJ'KKS. 

Eii<;lish oulturc, the loss will bo ours, and not 
theirs. Because the door of the old homo- 
stead has boon onee slanuned in our faces, 
shall we in a huff rojeet all future advances 
of conciliation, and cut ourselves foolishly 
off from any share in the humanizing influ- 
ences of the place, with its ineffable riches 
of association, its heirlooms of immemorial 
culture, its historic m(>nunu>nts, ours no less 
than theirs, its noble gallery of ancestral 
portraits? A^'c have only to succeed, and 
England will not only rcs})ect, but, for the 
first time, bcu,ln to undcM-stnnd us. And let 
us not, in our justiliablc imliguation at wan- 
t(>n insult, forgot that England is not the 
England only of snobs wlio dread tlio de- 
mocracy they do not comprehend, but the 
England of history, of heroes, statesmen, 
anil poots, whose names are dear, and their 
intl nonce as salutary to us as to her. 

Let us strengthen the hands of those in 
authority over us, and curb our own tongues, 
remembering that (loneral Wait connnonly 
})roves in the end more than a match for 
(uMioral Headlong, and that the Good Book 
ascribes safety to a nndtitudo, indeed, but not 
to a mob, of counsellors, l^ot us romombor 
anil perpend the words of Paul us Emilius 



Till': n/GLOW j'Ai'iais. 141 

to the j)(30])le of Koino ; that, "if tl»<5y 
judged tli(5y could manage the war to inotc; 
advantage by any oth(;r, lie wouhl willingly 
yield up his (jharge ; but if they con(id(jd in 
him, thet/ were rtot to make ihemselveH his 
colleagues in his office^ or raise rejiorts^ or 
criticise his actions^ Imt^ without talkin/j^ 
8U'j)/)ly Jdmj wit/i means and assistance 'neces- 
sary to the cjirryimj on of the war ; for^ if 
they proposed to cornrna/nd their own c<iin- 
rnandjcr^ they 'mould render this expedition 
more rldieuhras than the former'^ ( Vide 
Phitarch/fbin in Vitd P. K.) Let uh also 
not forget wliat the same excellent author 
says concerning PerscMJs's fear of sj)en(llng 
money, and not p(;rinit tin; eovetoiisne.sB of 
Brotlier Jonatlian to be the; good-fortune of 
Jefferson Davis. For my own part, till I 
am ready to admit tlie (>ommander-in-Chi(;f 
to my pulpit, i shall abstain from planning 
his battles. If courage be the sword, yet is 
patience the armor of a nation ; and in our 
desire for peace, let us never be willing to 
surrender the Constitution bequeathed us by 
fathers at least as wise as ourselves (even 
with Jefferson Davis to help us), and, with 
those degenerate Romans, lata, et presentia 
quarn vetera et periculosa malle. 



142 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

And not only should we bridle our own 
tongues, but the pens of others, which are 
swift to convey useful intelligence to the 
enemy. This is no new inconvenience ; for, 
under date 3d June, 1745, General Pepperell 
wrote thus to Governor Shirley from Louis- 
bourg : " What your Excellency observes of 
the army's being made acquainted with any 
2)lans p7'oposed., until ready to he put in exe- 
cution.^ has always been disagreeable to me, 
and I have given many cautions relating to 
it. But when your Excellency considers 
that our Council of War consists of more 
than twenty members., I am persuaded you 
will think it imjwssible for me to hinder it., 
if any of them will persist in communicating 
to inferior officers and soldiers what ought 
to be kept secret. I am informed that the 
Boston newspapers are filled with paragraphs 
from pi'ivate letters relating to the expedi- 
tion. Will your Excellency permit me to 
say I think it may be of ill consequence ? 
Would it not be convenient, if your Excel- 
lency should forbid the Printers' inserting 
such news ? " Verily, if tempora mutantur^ 
we may question the et nos mutamur in 
illis ; and if tongues be leaky, it will need 
all hands at the pumps to save the Ship of 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 143 

State. Our history dotes and repeats itself. 
If Sassycus (rather than Alcibiades) find a 
parallel in Beauregard, so Weakwash, as 
he is called by the brave Lieutenant Lion 
Gardiner, need not seek far among our own 
Sachems for his antitype. 
With respect, 

Your ob* humble serv*, 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 



I LOVE to start out arter night 's begun, 
An' all the chores about the farm are done, 
The critters milked an' foddered, gates shet fast, 
Tools cleaned aginst to-morrer, supper past, 
An' Nancy darnin' by her ker'sene lamp, — 
I love, I say, to start upon a tramp, 
To shake the kinkles out o' back an' legs, 
An' kind o' rack my life off from the dregs 
That 's apt to settle in the buttery-hutch 
Of folks thet f oiler in one rut too much : 
Hard work is good an' wholesome, past all doubt ; 
But 't ain't so, ef the mind gits tuckered out. 
Now, bein' born in Middlesex, you know, 
There 's certin spots where I like best to go : 
The Concord road, for instance, (I, for one, 
Most gin'lly oilers call it John Bull's Hun,) 
The field o' Lexin'ton, where England tried 
The fastest colors tlict she ever dyed. 



144 Tin: BicLow papkrs. 

An' Concord Briiljjo, tJiet Davis, >vhoii ho eiune, 
Found was tho bee-line traek to heaven an' fame, 
E/. all roads be by natnr', et" your soul 
Don't sneak thru shun-pikes so 's to save tJie toll. 

They 're 'nu)st too fur away, take too much tiuio 

To visit of 'en, ef it ain't in rhyme ; 

But tJie' 's a walk thet 's hendier, a siii^ht, 

An' suits me fust-rate of a winter's night, — 

I mean the round whale's-baek o' Prospeet Hill. 

I love to Titer there while night grows still, 

An' in the twinklin' villages about. 

Fust here, then there, the well-saved lightvS goes 

out. 
An' naiy sound but wateh-dogs' false alarms. 
Or nudlled eoek-i'rows from the drowsy farms, 
AVhere sonu^ wise rooster (men aet jest thet way) 
Stands to 't thet moon-rise is the break o' day : 
(So INIister Seward sticks a thretMnonths pin 
AVhere the war \\ oughto eend, then tries agin; 
My gran'tJier's rule was safer 'n 't is to crow : 
Don't nei^er jrrop/ienj/, — otiless i/e know.) 
I love to muse there till it kind o' seems 
Ez ef the world went eddy in' otV in dreams ; 
The Northwest wind thet twitehes at my baird 
Blows out o' sturdier days not easy seared. 
An' the same moon thet this Deeend^er shines 
Stiirts out tJie tents an' bootlis o' Putnam's lines ; 
The rail-fence posts, aerost tJie hill thet runs, 
Tiu'n ghosts o' sogers should'rin' ghosts o' guns ; 



Tfn<: liioLow PAPERS. 145 

Ez wheels the sentiy, glintH a flash o' light 
Along tlie firelock won at Concord Plight, 
An' 'twixt the HilenccH, now fur, now nigh, 
Rings the sharp chellenge, hums the low reply. 

Ez I was settin' so, it warn't long sence, 
Mixin' the puffict with the present tense, 
I heerd two voices sonn'ers in the air, 
Though, ef I was to die, I can't tell where : 
Voices I call 'era : 't was a kind o' sough 
Like pine-trees thet the wind 's ageth'rin' through ; 
An', fact, I thought it vmh the wind a sj>ell, 
Then some misdoubted, could n't fairly tell, 
Fust sure, then not, jest as you hold an eel, 
I knowed, an' did n't, — lin'lly seemed to feel 
'T was Concord Bridge a-talkin' off to kill 
With the Stone Spike thet 's druv thru Bunker 

HiU: 
Whether 't was so, or ef I on'y dreamed, 
I could n't say ; I tell it ez it seemed. 

THK I'.HIDOE. 

Wal, neighbor, tell us, wut 's turned up thet 's 

new ? 
You 're younger 'n I be, — nigher Boston, tu : 
An' down to Boston, ef you take their showin', 
Wut they don't know ain't hardly wuth the know- 
in'. 
There 's sunthin' goin' on, I know : las' night 
The British sogers killed in our gret fight 



148 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

THE BRIDGE. 

You mean to say, you dus' n't ! 
Changed point o' view ! No, no, — it 's over- 
board 
With law an' gospel, when their ox is gored ! 
I tell ye, England's law, on sea an' land, 
Hez oilers ben, " / 've gut the heaviest hand'' 
Take nary man ? Fine preachin' from her lips ! 
Why, she hez taken hundreds from our ships, 
An' woidd agin, an' swear she had a right to, 
Ef we war n't strong enough to be perlite to. 
Of all the sarse thet I can call to mind, 
England doos make the most onpleasant kind : 
It 's you 're the sinners oilers, she 's the saint ; 
Wut 's good 's all English, all thet is n't ain't ; 
Wut profits her is oilers right an' just, 
An' ef you don't read Scriptur so, you must ; 
She 's praised herself ontil she fairly thinks 
There ain't no light in Natur when she winks ; 
Hain't she the Ten Comman'ments in her pus ? 
Could the world stir 'thout she went, tu, ez 

nus? 
She ain't like other mortals, thet 's a fact : 
She never stopped the habus-corpus act, 
Nor specie payments, nor she never yet 
Cut down the int'rest on her public debt ; 
She don't put down rebellions, lets 'em breed. 
An' 's oilers willin' Ireland should secede ; 
She 's all thet 's honest, honnable an' fair. 
An' when the vartoos died they made her heir. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 149 

THE MONIMENT. 

Wal, wal, two wrongs don't never make a right ; 
Ef we 're mistaken, own up, an' don't fight : 
For gracious' sake, ha'n't we enough to du 
'Thout gettin' up a fight with England, tu ? 
She thinks we 're rabble-rid — 

THE BRIDGE. 

An' so we can't 
Distinguish 'twixt You ought rCt an' You shan't ! 
She jedges by herself ; she 's no idear 
How 't stiddies folks to give 'em their fair sheer : 
The odds 'twixt her an' us is plain 's a steeple, — 
Her People 's turned to Mob, our Mob 's turned 
People. 



THE MONIMENT. 



She 's riled jes' now — 

THE BRIDGE. 

Plain proof her cause ain't strong, — 
The one thet fust gits mad 's most oilers wrong. 
Why, sence she helped in lickin' Nap the Fust, 
An' pricked a bubble jest agoin' to bust, 
With Rooshy, Prooshy, Austry, all assistin', 
Th' aint nut a face but wut she 's shook her fist 

in, 
Ez though she done it all, an' ten times more, 
An' notliin' never hed gut done afore, 
Nor never could agin', 'thout she wuz spliced 



150 THE B J GLOW FAPERS. 

On to one eend an' gin th' old airth a hoist. 
She is some punkins, thet I wun't deny, 
(For ain't she some rehited to you 'n' I ?) 
But there 's a few small intrists here below 
Outside the counter o' John Bull lui' Co., 
An', though they can't conceit how 't should be so, 
I guess the Lord druv down Creation's spiles 
'Thout no (/ret helpin' from the British Isles, 
An' could contrive to keep things pooty stiff 
Ef they witlidrawed from business in a miff ; 
I ha'n't no patience with sech swellin' fellers ez 
Think God can.'t forge 'thout them to blow the 
bellerses. 

TIIK MOMMEKT. 

You 're oilers quick to set your back aridge, — 
Though 't suits a tom-cat more 'n a sober bridge : 
Don't you git het : they thought the thing was 

planned ; 
They '11 cool off when they come to understand. 

THE BRIDGE. 

Ef thet 's wilt you expect, you '11 heu to wait : 
Folks never understand the folks they hate ; 
She'll fin' some other grievance jest ez good, 
'Fore the montli 's out, to git misunderstood. 
England cool off ! She '11 do it, ef she sees 
She 's run her head into a swarm o' bees. 
I ain't so prejudiced ez wut you spose : 
I hev thought England was the best thet goes ; 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 151 

Remember, (no, you can't,) when / was reared, 
God save the King was all the tune you heerd : 
But it 's enough to turn Wachiiset roun', 
This stumpin' fellers when you think they 're 
down. 

THE MONIMENT. 

But, neighbor, ef they prove their claim at law. 
The best way is to settle an' not jaw. 
An' don't le' 's mutter 'bout the awfle bricks 
We '11 give 'em, ef we ketch 'em in a fix : 
That 'ere 's most frequently the kin' o' talk 
Of critters can't be kicked to toe the chalk ; 
Your " You '11 see nex' time ! " an' " Look out 

bumby ! " 
Most oilers ends in eatin' umble-pie. 
'T wun't pay to scringe to England : will it pay 
To fear thet meaner bully, old "They '11 say " ? 
Suppose they du say : words are dreffle bores. 
But they ain't quite so bad ez seventy-fours. 
Wut England wants is jest a wedge to fit 
Where it '11 help to widen out our split : 
She 's found her wedge, an' 't aint' for us to come 
An' lend the beetle thet 's to drive it home. 
For growed-up folks like us 't would be a scandle. 
When we git sarsed, to fly right off the handle. 
England ain't all bad, coz she thinks us blind : 
Ef she can't change her skin, she can her mind ; 
An' we shall see her change it double-quick. 
Soon ez we 've proved thet we 're a-goin' to lick. 
She an' Columby's gut to be fas' friends ; 



152 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

For the world prospers by their privit ends : 
'T would put the clock back all o' fifty years, 
Ef they should fall together by the ears. 

THE BRIDGE. 

I 'gree to thet ; she 's nigh us to wut France is ; 
But then she '11 hev to make the fust advances ; 
We 've gut pride, tu, an' gut it by good rights, 
An' ketch me stoojwn' to pick up the mites 
O' condescension she '11 be lettin' fall 
When she finds out we ain't dead arter all ! 
I tell ye wut, it takes more 'n one good week 
Afore my nose forgits it 's hed a tweak. 

THE MONIMENT. 

She '11 come out right bumby, thet I '11 engage, 

Soon ez she gits to seein' we 're of age ; 

This talkin' down 'o hers ain't wuth a fuss ; 

It 's nat'ral ez nut likin' 't is to us ; 

Ef we 're agoin' to prove we he gi'owed-up, 

'T wun't be by barkin' like a tarrier pup, 

But turnin' to an' makin' things ez good 

Ez wut we 're oilers braggin' that we could ; 

We 're bound to be good friends, an' so we 'd 

oughto, 
In spite of all the fools both sides the water. 

THE BRIDGE. 

I b'lieve thet's so ; but hearken in your ear, — 
I'm older 'n you, — Peace wun't keep house with 
Fear: 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 153 

Ef you want peace, the thing you 've gut to du 
Is jes' to show you 're up to fightin', tu. 
I recollect how sailors' rights was won 
Yard locked in yard, hot gun-lip kissin' gun : 
Why, afore thet, John Bull sot uj) thet he 
Hed gut a kind o' mortgage on the sea ; 
You 'd thought he held by Gran'ther Adam's will, 
An' ef you knuckle down, he '11 think so still. 
Better thet all our ships an' all their crews 
Should sink to rot in ocean's dreamless ooze, 
Each torn flag wavin' chellenge ez it went, 
An' each dumb gun a brave man's moniment, 
Than seek sech peace ez only cowards crave : 
Give me the peace of dead men or of brave ! 

THE MONIMENT. 

I say, ole boy, it ain't the Glorious Fourth : 
You'd oughto larned 'fore this wut talk wuz 

worth. 
It ain't our nose thet gits put out o' jint ; 
It 's England thet gives up her dearest pint. 
We 've gut, I tell ye now, enough to du 
In our own fem'ly fight, afore we 're thru. 
I hoped, las' spring, jest arter Sumter's shame, 
When every flag-staff flapped its tethered flame, 
An' all the people, startled from their doubt. 
Come must'rin' to the flag with sech a shout, — 
I hoped to see things settled 'fore this fall. 
The ReLbles licked, Jeff Davis hanged, an' all ; 
Then come Bull Run, an' sence then I 've ben 

waitin' 



154 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Like boys in Jennooary thaw for skatin', 
Nothin' to dii but watch my sha(Uler's trace 
Swing, like a ship at anchor, roun' my base, 
AVith daylight's flood an' obb : it 's gittin' slow, 
An' I 'most think we \l better let 'em go. 
I tell ye wut, tliis war 's a-goin to cost — 

THE nUIUGK. 

An' I tell you it wun't be money lost ; 
Taxes milks dry, but, neighbor, you '11 allow 
Tliet havin' things onsettled kills the cow : 
We 've gut to fix tliis thing for good an' all ; 
It 's no use buildhi' wnt 's a-goin' to fall. 
I 'm older 'n you, an' I 've seen things an' men, 
An' viy experunce, — tell ye wut it 's ben : 
Folks thet worked thorough was the ones that 

thriv. 
But bad work foUers ye ez long 's ye live ; 
You can't git red on 't ; jest ez sm-e ez sin. 
It 's oilers askin' to be done agin : 
Ef we should part, it would n't be a week 
'Fore your soft-soddered peace would spring 

aleak. 
We 've turned our cuffs up, but, to put her thru, 
We must git mad an' off with jackets, tu ; 
'T wun't do to think thet killin' ain't perlite, — 
You 've gut to be in airnest, ef you tight ; 
Why, two-thirds o' the Rebbles 'ould cut dirt, 
Ef they once thought thet Guv'ment meant to 

hurt ; 



THE in GLOW PAPERS. 155 

An* I du wish our GIri'rals hed in mind 

Tlie folks in front more than the folks behind ; 

You wun't do much ontil you think it 's God, 

An' not constitoounts, thet holds the rod ; 

We want some more o' Gideon's sword, I jedge, 

For ^jroclamations ha'n't no gret of edge ; 

There 's nothin' for a cancer but the knife, 

Onless you set by 't more than by your life. 

/ 've seen hard times ; I see a war begun 

Thet folks thet love their bellies never 'd won ; 

Pharo's lean kine hung on for seven long year ; 

But when 't was done, we did n't (;ount it dear. 

Why, law an' order, honor, civil right, 

Ef they ain't wuth it, wut is wuth a fight ? 

I 'm older 'n you : the plough, the axe, the mill, 

All kin's o' labor an' all kin's o' skill, 

Would be a rabbit in a wile-cat's claw, 

Ef 't warn't for thet slow critter, 'stablished law ; 

Onsettle thet, an' all the world goes whiz, 

A screw 's gut loose in everythin' there is : 

Good buttresses once settled, don't you fret 

An' stir 'em : take a bridge's word for thet ! 

Young folks are smart, but all ain't good thet 's 

new ; 
I guess the gran'thers tliey knowed suntfiin', tu. 

THE MONIMENT. 

Amen to thet ! build sure in the beginnin', 
An' then don't never tech the underpinnin', 
Th' older a Guv'ment is, the better 't suits ; 



156 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

New ones hunt folks's corns out like new boots : 
Change jes' for change, is like them big hotels 
Where they shift plates, an' let ye live on smells. 

THE BRIDGE. 

Wal, don't give up afore the ship goes down : 
It 's a stiff gale, but Providence Avun't drown ; 
An' God wun't leave us yit to sink or swim, 
Ef we don't fail to du wut's right by Him. 
This land o' ourn, I tell ye, 's gut to be 
A better country than man ever see. 
I feel my sperit swellin' with a cry 
Thet seems to say, " Break forth an' prophesy ! " 
strange New World, thet yit wast never young, 
Whose youth from thee by gripin' need was 

wrung. 
Brown foundlin' o' the woods, whose baby-bed 
Was prowled roun' by the Injun's cracklin' tread, 
An' who grew'st strong thru shifts an' wants an' 

pains, 
Nussed by stern men with empires in their brains, 
Who saw in vision their yomig Ishmel strain 
With each hard hand a vassal ocean's mane, 
Thou, skilled by Freedom an' by gret events 
To pitch new States ez Old- World men pitch 

tents, 
Thou, taught by Fate to know Jehovah's plan 
Thet mail's devices can't unmake a man. 
An' whose free latch-string never was drawed in 
Against the poorest child of Adam's kin, — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 157 

The grave 's not dug where traitor hands shall 

lay 
In fearful haste thy murdered corse away ! 
I see — 

Jest here some dogs begun to bark, 
So thet I lost old Concord's last remark : 
I listened long, but all I seemed to hear 
Was dead leaves goss'pin' on some birch-trees 

near ; 
But ez they bed n't no gret tilings to say, 
An' sed 'em often, I come right away, 
An', walkin' home'ards, jest to pass the time, 
I put some thoughts thet bothered me in rhyme : 
I hain't bed time to fairly try 'cm on. 
But here they be — it 's 



JONATHAN TO JOHN. 

It don't seem hardly right, John, 
When both my hands was full. 
To stump me to a fight, John, — 
Your cousin, tu, John Bull ! 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 
We know it now," sez he, 
" The lion's paw is all the law, 
Accordin' to J. B., 
Thet 's fit for you an' me ! " 

You wonder why we 're hot, John? 
Your mark wuz on the guns, 



158 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

The neutral guns, thet shot, John, 
Our brothers an' our sons : 

Ole Uncle 8. sez he, " I guess 

There 's human blood," sez he, 
" By fits an' starts, in Yankee hearts. 

Though 't may surprise J. W. 

More 'n it would you an' me." 

Ef / turned mad dogs loose, John, 

On your front-parlor stairs. 
Would it jest meet your views, John, 
To wait an' sue their heirs ? 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
I on'y guess," sez he, 
*' Thet ef Vattel on his toes fell, 
'T would kind o' rile J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

Who made the law thet hurts, John, 

Heads I tviJi, — ditto tails ? 
'•'J. Br was on his shirts, John, 
Onless my memory fails. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
(I 'm good at thet,) " sez he, 
" Thet sauce for goose ain't jest the juice 
For ganders with J. B., 
No more than you or me ! " 

When your rights was our wrongs, Jolm, 
You did n't stop for fuss, — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 169 

Britanny's trident prongs, John, 
Was good 'nough law for us. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 

Though physic 's good," sez he, 
" It does n't toller thet he can swaller 

Prescriptions signed ' J. B.^ 

Put up by you an' me ! " 

We own the ocean, tu, John : 

You mus' n' take it hard, 
Ef we can't think with you, John, 
It 's jest your own back-yard. 
Ole Uncle 8. sez he, "I guess, 
Ef thet 's his claim," sez he, 
" The fencin'-stuff '11 cost enough 
To bust up friend J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

Why talk so dreffle big, John, 

Of honor, when it meant 
You did n't care a fig, John, 
But jest for ten "per cent ? 

Ole Uncle 8. sez he, " I guess. 
He 's like the rest," sez he : 
" When all is done, it 's number one 
Thet 's nearest to J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

We give the critters back, John, 
Cos Abram thought 't was right ; 



158 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

The neutral guns, thet shot, Jolin, 
Our brothers an' our sons : 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 

There 's human blood," sez he, 
"By fits an' starts, in Yankee hearts, 

Though 't may surprise J. B. 

More 'n it would you an' me." 

Ef / turned mad dogs loose, John, 

On your front-parlor stairs. 
Would it jest meet your views, John, 
To wait an' sue their heirs ? 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
I on'y guess," sez he, 
" Thet ef Vattel on his toes fell, 
'T would kind o' rile J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

Who made the law thet hurts, John, 

Heads I win, — ditto tails ? 
" J. B.^' was on his shirts, John, 
Onless my memory fails. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
(I 'm good at thet,) " sez he, 
" Thet sauce for goose ain't jest the juice 
For ganders with J. B., 
No more than you or me ! " 

When your rights was our wrongs, John, 
You did n't stop for fuss, — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 159 

Britanny's trident prongs, John, 
Was good 'nough law for us. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess, 

Though physic 's good," sez he, 
" It does n't f oiler thet he can s waller 

Prescriptions signed ' J. ^.,' 

Put up by you an' me ! " 

We own the ocean, tu, John : 

You mus' n' take it hard, 
Ef we can't think with you, John, 
It 's jest your own back-yard. 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess, 
Ef thet 's his claim," sez he, 
" The fencin'-stuff '11 cost enough 
To bust up friend J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

Why talk so dreffle big, John, 

Of honor, when it meant 
You did n't care a fig, John, 
But jest for ten per cent? 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
He 's like the rest," sez he : 
" When all is done, it 's number one 
Thet 's nearest to J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

We give the critters back, John, 
Cos Abram thought 't was right ; 



160 TflE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

It warn't your biillyin' clack, John, 
Provokiii' us to liolit. 

Ole Uncle 8. sez he, " I guess 

We 've a hard row," sez he, 
" To hoe jest now ; but thet, somehow. 

May ha})})en to J. B., 

Ez wal ez you iui' me ! " 

We ain't so weak an' poor, John, 

With twenty million people. 
An' close to every door, John, 
A school-house an' a steeple. 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, '' I guess 
It is a fact," sez he, 
" The surest plan to make a Man 
Is, think him so, J. B., 
Ez much ez you or me ! " 

Our folks believe in Law, John ; 

An' it 's for her sake, now. 
They 've left the axe an' saw, John, 
The anvil an' the plough. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
Ef 't warn't for law," sez he, 
*' There'd be one shindy from here to Indy ; 
An' thet don't suit J. B. 
(When 't ain't 'twixt you an' me !) " 

We know we 've gut a cause, John, 
Thet 's honest, just, an' true ; 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 161 

We thought 't would win applause, John, 
Ef nowheres else, from you. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 

His love of right," sez he, 
" Hangs by a rotten fibre o' cotton : 

There 's natur' in J. B., 

Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

The South says, " Poor folks down ! " John, 

An' " All men up ! " say we, — 
White, yaller, bhu^k, an' brown, John : 
Now which is your idee ? 

Ole Uncle S, sez he, " I guess, 
John preaches wal," sez he ; 
" But, sermon thru, an' come to du, 
Why, there 's the old J. B. 
A crowdin' you an' me ! " 

Shall it be love, or hate, John ? 

It 's you thet 's to decide ; 
Ain't your bonds held by Fate, John, 
Like all the world's beside ? 
Ole Uncle S, sez he, " I guess 
Wise men forgive," sez he, 
" But not forget ; an' some time yet 
Thet truth may strike J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

God means to make this land, John, 
Clear thru, from sea to sea, 



!(>: 



Tin: lucLOW iwpfrs. 



Jielievo an' uiulorstmid, .)ohn, 
The truth o' bein' freo. 

Olo Uiu'lo S. so/, ho, " I cfiioas, 

(lod'a prioo is hi^h," so/ lio ; 
"But. nothin' olso than vnit Ho sells 

AVoars h)no-, an' (hot J. \\. 

May larn, like you an' mo ! " 



No. III. 
BIRDOFRKDflM SAW IN, i:SQ., TO MR. 

iiosioA ma LOW. 

With the JoUotoifu/ Jjetter fro?n the Rkviouiond 
lIoMi'Mt WriJUJit,, A. M. 

TO TIIK KlU'l'OltS OK TIIM ATIiANTK,' MONTIII.V. 
.Iaai.am, 7lli I'V.I)., lH(i2. 

lvi':siMO( ri;!) I'imionds, — If I know my- 
self, — and Kur(!ly ;i ni:iii can liaidly Ik; 
Hnj)|)ostMl to iiavo ovcrpjiHStMl tlio limit of 
lourHcon; years without attaining- to aomo 
proiicjeiicy in that moHt uHcful brancli of 
learning, (« caalo desceridit^ nayH the i)H|;an 
])()ot, ) — I have no f;i'eat smaek of that 
wcakneHS wliicrh woiihl j)resH nj)oii the; ])uh- 
li(; attention any matter pertainin*; to my 
])rivat(^ affairs. Hut sincrc; tlie following hot- 
ter of Mr. Savvin contains not only a tlire(;t 
alhision to mysiilf, Imt that in connection 
with a toj)ic of interest to all those (;n/j;ji<j;(!(l 
in the ])nl)lic- iriinistrations of the sancttu- 
ary, 1 may be pardoned for touching briefly 



1G4 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

thereupon. IMr. Sawiii was never a stated 
attendant upon my preaching, — never, as I 
believe, even an occasional one, since the 
erection of the now house (where we now 
worship) in 1845. He did, indeed, for a 
time, suppl}' a not unaccc})tablc bass in the 
choir; but, whether on some umbrage (^om- 
nibus hoc vitium est cantorihus) taken 
against the bass-viol, then, and till his de- 
cease in 1850, (^a't. 11,') under the charge of 
Mr. Asaph Perlcy, or, as was reported by 
others, on account of an imminent sub- 
scription for a new bell, he thenceforth ab- 
sented himself from all outward and visible 
communion. Yet he seems to have pre- 
served, (^(7lt(t mcnte repast lU)}.^ as it were, 
in the pickle of a mind soured by prejudice, 
a lasting scunner, as he would call it, against 
our staid and decent form of worship ; for I 
would rather in that wise interpret his fling, 
than suppose that any chance tares sown by 
my pulpit discourses should survive so long, 
while good seed too often fails to root itself. 
I humbly trust that I have no personal feel- 
ing in the matter ; though I know that, if 
we sound any man deep enough, our lead 
shall bring up the mud of human nature at 
last. The Bretons believe in an evil spirit 



THK BIG LOW PAPERS. 165 

which they call ar c'lumskezik^ whose office 
it is to make the congregation drowsy ; and 
though I have never had reason to think that 
he was specially busy among my flock, yet 
have I seen enough to make me sometimes 
regi'et the hinged seats of the ancient meet- 
ing-house, whose lively clatter, not unwil- 
lingly intensified hy boys })eyond eyeshot 
of the tithing-man, served at intervals as a 
wholesome reveil. It is true, I have num- 
bered among my parishioners some who are 
proof against the prophylactic fennel, nay, 
whose gift of somnolence rivalled that of 
the Cretan Kip Van Winkle, Epimenides, 
and who, nevertheless, complained not so 
much of the substance as of the length of 
my (by them unheard) discourses. Some 
ingenious persons of a philosophic turn have 
assured us that our pulpits were set too high, 
and that the soporific tendency increased 
with the ratio of the angle in which the 
hearer's eye was constrained to seek the 
preacher. This were a curious topic for 
investigation. There can be no doubt that 
some sermons are pitched too high, and I 
remember many struggles with the drowsy 
fiend in my youth. Happy Saint Anthony 
of Padua, whose finny acolytes, however they 



166 THE BIG LOW rAPERS. 

might profit, could never nmriuiir I Quare 
fremuerant gc/ntcfi '^ Who is he that can 
twice a week be inspired, or lias elo(pience 
(jut ltd dlcani) always on tap? A good 
man, and, next to David, a sacred poet, 
(himself, haply, not inexpert of evil in this 
particular,) has said, — 

" Tlu> worst spoak sonictliiiij^ p»od : if nil want sonso, 
(jioil (iikea a text tiiul piv.acliotli patience." 

There are one or two other points in Mr. 
Sawin's letter which 1 would also briefly an- 
imadvert upon. And first, ccmcerning the 
claim he sc^ts u[) to a certain superiority 
of blood and lineage in the people of our 
Soutliern States, now unhap])ily in rebellion 
against lawful authority and their own bet- 
ter interests. There is a sort of opinions, an- 
achronisms at once and anachorisms, foreign 
both to the age and the country, that main- 
tain a feeble and buzzing existence, scarce to 
be called life, like winter Hies, whicli in mild 
weather crawl out from obscure nooks and 
crannies to expatiate in tlie sun, and some- 
times accpiire vigor enough to disturb with 
their enforced fauiiliarity the studious hours 
of the scholar. One of the most stupid and 
pertinacious of these is the theory that the 
Southern States were settled by a class of 



77//'; ma LOW rAPiiuH. 167 

emij^rants Troni llic OJtl World HocitiUy 8xi])c- 
rior to thoso who louiuliul tlu^ iustitulioiis of 
Now Kn«»l:in(l. Tlio Virj;ini:ins (SjuM-Ially lay 
cJaiui io lliis «;('ii('i'()hjily oL" rmcai^c, which 
wcn^ of no possihh^ account, were it not ioi' 
the fact that sucli snpt^istiiiiuis arc somc^tinics 
not without their elVecL on th(M'()ui"S(M)r lui- 
nian affairs. 'V\\v, (^arly adventurc^rs to MaBHO- 
chusetts at h'ast j)ai(l their |)aHsa<;-es; no fc^l- 
ons were ever shipped tliitluM-; and tliou<;li it 
bo true that many d(ihosli(Ml youn^-er hrotluus 
of wliat are calhul j^ood fainiru^s may havo 
sought rcfugo in Virgini:i, it is ecpially cci- 
tam that a grciat ])art of tlu^ i^arly (h;porta- 
tions thitlier wore th(5 sweepings of tin? Lou- 
don streets and the leavings of the London 
stows. It was this \\\y Loid Bacon had in 
mind when he wrote : ''It is a sli:iineful and 
unblessed thing to taUe tli(5 S(uim of p(30])lo 
and wickc^d conchMnned nujn to be tlu^ ])eoplo 
with whom you plant." That certain namc^s 
aro found tlu're is notliing to tlu; ))urpose, 
for, evc^n iiad an (dUts been b(\yond the> in- 
vention of the knaves of that generation, it 
is known that servants weie oftcMi called 
by their masters' nanu^s as slavcis aie now. 
On what the heralds call tln^ spindh; side, 
some, at least, of the oldest Virginian fami- 



108 Tin- Bici.ow rAPERS. 

lios aro dosinMultnl from matrons who were 
o\]HM*loil aiul soKl for so many hoi^slu^ails of 
tobaiHH) tlio hoad. So notorious was this, 
that it biH'anu^ ono t>f tho jokos of oontonipo- 
rarv phiy wrights, not only that mon bankrupt 
in purso anJ charaotor were *' food for the 
PLintations," (^and this before the sottlonient 
of Now Knoland), but also that any drab 
would suffice to wive sui'h pitiful adventui*- 
ers. " Never ehoose a wife as if you were g*o- 
iui;' to Virginia," says Middleton in one of his 
eomedies. The mule is a}>t tt) forget all but 
the equine side oi his peiligree. llow early 
the eounterfeit nobility of the Old noniinion 
beeame a topie of ridieule in the IVIother 
Country may be h^irued from a jday of jNIrs. 
Belm's, foundiHl on the KeboUion of Bacon : 
for even these kennels of literature may 
yield a faet or two to pay the raking. Mrs. 
Flirt, the keeper of a Virginia ordinary, ealls 
herself the daughter of a baronet '' undone 
in the late rebellion," — her father having 
ill truth been a tailor, — and three of the 
Oouneil, assuming to themselves an eipial 
splendor of origin, are shown to have been, 
one '" a broken exeiseman who eame over a 
poor servant," another a tinker transported 
for theft, and the third " a eomnion pick- 



'/'///'; liKJLOW J'AI'EltH. 109 

pocket oft/;rj \\()'^<^i-A Mi tJjf; cart'H tai]." Tlie 
anceBtry of Soutii (yarolina will a» little paHH 
rrinHtor at tho iI<;rald'H ViHitation, t}ioii;^h I 
liold tliorn to Ijavc ljC(;n rnoro rr-.piitahle, in- 
aHrriucJi an rriarjy of tliofn w(;n; lionest trarles- 
rneij and arli.sanH, in Hornr*, nif;a.sijre exIloH for 
eonHci(;nf;o' Hake, who would liave smiled at 
tlir; lii^h-flyin^ non.senHe of their descend ants. 
Sorrir; of the rnr^re resj>ef;ta})le were JewH. 
Tlie abnurdity of HU[)posing^ a population of 
eight niiilionH all sprung from gentle loing 
in the course of a century and a half is 
too manifest for confutation, iiut of what 
use to diHcuss the matt<jr ? A n expert gene- 
alogist will provide any solvent man with a 
fjenuH (it proavoH to order. My Lord Jjur- 
leigh said that " nobility was ancient riches," 
whence also the Spanish were wont to call 
their nobles ricoH hrymhres, and the aris- 
toera/;y of America are the descendants of 
those who first l^eeame wealthy, by whatever 
means. J^etroleum will in this wise be the 
source of much good blood among our pos- 
terity. The aristocracy of the South, such 
as it is, has the shallowest of all foundations, 
for it is only skin-deep, — the most odious of 
all, for, while affecting to despise tra/le, it 
traces its origin to a successful traffic in 



170 THE BIGLOW JWJ'KKS. 

men, woiiumi, ami chililroii, and still draws 
its chief vovonuos thoiu'o. And tliough, as 
Doctor Chainborlayuo consolingly says in 
his Present /State of England^ '' to beoomo 
a INlcivhant of Forcii;n (\>nnncrco, without 
scrvini;any Apprcntisago, hath been allowed 
no disj)arai;vnient to a Cicntlenian born, es- 
pecially to a yonnij^er Ihother," yet I con- 
ceive that he wonkl hardly have made a like 
exception in favor of the particular trade 
in (piestii>n. Oddly enou<:!^h this trade re- 
verses the ordinary standards of social re- 
spectability no less than of morals, for the 
retail and domestii» is as creditable as the 
wholesale and foreign is degradini;- to him 
who follows it. Are our morals, then, no 
better than viorvs after all ? 1 do not be- 
lieve that such aristocracy as exists at the 
South {ioY 1 hold with Marius, /(>;'//.s'.s'/m?;7n 
quemque generofiissi/nuni) will be found an 
element of anything like persistent strength 
in war, — thinking the saying of Lord Bacon 
(^wliom one (piaintly called ifH/urtionis doni- 
ifiNs ct ]\'rul<nni{) as true as it is pithy, 
that " the more gentlemen, ever the more 
books of subsiditis.'' It is odd enough as an 
historical precedent, that, while the fathers 
of New England were laying deep in relig- 



Till': iiirjLOW I'APiJtH. 171 

ion, education, and fi^icdorri Uk; hasis of a 
polity which han Hubstantially outlaHtod any 
then cxiHting, the firHt work of th(; fonTxhjrs 
of Virginia, as may Ix; Hocn in Witigficld'H 
M(tmori(d^ was conspiracy and rclxjilion, — 
od(h;r y(!i, as Hliowing the cliangcH wliich arc 
wrought by cinMinistanei^, that the first in- 
surrection in South Carolina wan against the 
aristocratical Hchcrru; of th<! I*ropri(;t;uy (iov- 
ernnicnt. 1 do not lind that the cuticular 
aristocjracy of the South has added anything 
to the refinements of (civilization (;xc(![)t tlic 
carrying of howic-kniv(}S and tlie chewing of 
tobacco, — a high-toned Southern genthiman 
being commonly not only quadrumartouH but 
(juidrurninant. 

I confess that the ]:)resent letter of Mr. 
Sawin increases my doubts as to the sincer- 
ity of the convictions which he profcisses, and 
I am in(dined to think that i\\it triurnj)h of 
th(; legitimate Government, sun; soon(;r or 
later to take place, will find him and a large 
majority of his newly-adopted fellow-(jitizens 
(who hold with Djedalus, tlic primal sitter- 
on - the - fence, that m/'jliara ic/rhcrc. f/af/tHsi- 
rauia) original Union men. 'J'he criticisms 
towards the close of his letter on cei-tain of 
our failings are worthy to be seriously p(;r- 



172 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

pended ; for he is not, as I think, without a 
spice of vulgar shrewdness. F'as est et ah 
hoste doceri : there is no reckoning without 
your host. As to the good-nature in us 
which he seems to gird at, while I would not 
consecrate a chapel, as they have not scru- 
pled to do in France to NStre Dame de la 
Haine (Our Lady of Hate), yet I cannot 
forget that the corruption of good-nature is 
the generation of laxity of principle. Good- 
nature is our national characteristic ; and 
though it be, perhaps, nothing more than 
a culpable weakness or cowardice, when it 
leads us to put up tamely with manifold im- 
positions and breaches of implied contracts, 
(as too frequently in our public convey- 
ances,) it becomes a positive crime, when it 
leads us to look unresentfully on peculation, 
and to regard treason to the best Govern- 
ment that ever existed as something with 
which a gentleman may shake hands without 
soiling his fingers. I do not think the gal- 
lows-tree the most profitable member of our 
Sylva ; but, since it continues to be planted, 
1 would fain see a Northern limb ingrafted 
on it, that it may bear some otlier fruit than 
loyal Tennesseeans. 

A relic has recently been discovered on 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 173 

the east bank of Bushy Brook in North 
Jaalam, which I conceive to be an inscrip- 
tion in Runic characters relating to the 
early expedition of the Northmen to this 
continent. I shall make fuller investigations, 
and communicate the result in due season. 
Respectfully, 

Your obedient servant. 
Homer Wilbur, A. M. 

P. S. — I inclose a year's subscription 
from Deacon Tinkham. 



I HED it on my min' las' time, when I to write 

ye started, 
To tech the leadin' featurs o' my gittin' me con- 

varted ; 
But, ez my letters hez to go clearn roun' by way 

o' Cuby, 
'T wun't seem no staler now than then, by th' 

time it gits where you be. 
You know up North, though sees an' things air 

plenty ez you please, 
Ther' warn't nut one on 'em thet comes jes' 

square with my idees : 
They all on 'em wuz too much mixed with Cov- 
enants o' Works, 



174 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' would liev answered jest ez wal for Afrildns 

an' Turks, 
Fer where 's a Christian's privilige an' his re- 
wards ensuin', 
Ef 'tain't perfessin' right an eend 'thout nary- 
need o' doin' ? 
I dessay they suit workin'-folks thet ain't noways 

pertic'lar, 
But nut your Southun gen'leman thet keeps his 

parpendic'lar ; 
I don't blame nary man thet casts his lot along 

o' his folks, 
But ef you cal'late to save me, 't must be with 

folks thet is folks ; 
Cov'nants o' works go 'ginst my grain, but down 

here I 've found out 
The true f us'-f em'ly A 1 plan, — here 's how it 

come about. 
When I fus' sot up with Miss S., sez she to me, 

sez she, 
"Without you git religion. Sir, the thing can't 

never be ; 
Nut but wut I respeck," sez she, "your intellec- 

tle part, 
But you wun't noways du for me athout a change 

o' heart : 
Nothun religion works wal North, but it 's ez soft 

ez spruce. 
Compared to ourn, for keepin' sound," sez she, 

" upon the goose ; 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 175 

A day's experunce 'd prove to ye, ez easy 'z pull 
a trigger, 

It takes the Southun pint o' view to raise ten 
bales a nigger ; 

You '11 fin' thet human natur, South, ain't whole- 
some more 'n skin-deep, 

An' once 't a darkie 's took with it, he wun't be 
wuth his keep." 

" How shell I git it. Ma'am ? " sez I. " Attend 
the nex' camp-meetin'," 

Sez she, " an' it '11 come to ye ez cheap ez on- 
bleached sheetin'." 

Wal, so I went along an' hearn most an impres- 
sive sarmon 

About besprinklin' Afriky with fourth-proof dew 
o' Harmon: 

He did n't put no weaknin' in, but gin it to us hot, 

'Z ef he an' Satan 'd ben two bulls in one five- 
acre lot : 

I don't purtend to foUer him, but give ye jes' the 
heads ; 

For pulpit ellerkence, you know, 'most oilers kin' 
o' spreads. 

Ham's seed wuz gin to us in chairge, an' should 
n't we be li'ble 

In Kingdom Come, ef we kep' back their priv'- 
lege in the Bible ? 

The cusses an' the promerses make one gret 
chain, an' ef 



176 THE BTGLOW PAPERS. 

You snake one link out here, one there, how much 

on 't ud be lef ' ? 
All things wuz gin to man for 's use, his sarvice, 

an' delight ; 
An' don't the Greek an' Hebrew words thet mean 

a ]\[an mean AVhite ? 
Ain't it belittlin' the Good Book in all its proudes' 

featurs 
To think 't wuz wrote for black an' brown an' 

lasses-colored creaturs, 
Thet could n' read it, ef they would, nor ain't by 

lor allowed to, 
But ougli' to take wut we think suits their naturs, 

an' be proud to ? 
Warn't it more prof 'table to bring your raw ma- 

teril thru 
Where you can work it inta grace an' inta cotton, 

tu. 
Than sendin' missionaries out where fevers might 

defeat 'em. 
An' ef the butcher did n' call, their p'rishioners 

might eat 'em ? 
An' then, agin, wut airthly use ? Nor 't warn't 

our fault, in so fur 
Ez Yankee skippers would keep on a-totin' on 'em 

over. 
'T improved the whites by savin' 'em from ary 

need o' wurkin'. 
An' kep' the blacks from bein' lost thru idleness 

an' shirkin' ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 177 

We took to 'em ez nat'ral ez a barn-owl doos to 

mice, 
An' hed our hull time on our hands to keep us 

out o' vice ; 
It made us feel ez pop'lar ez a hen doos with one 

chicken, 
An' fill our place in Natur's scale by givin' 'em a 

lickin' : 
For why should Cassar git his dues more 'n Juno, 

Pomp, an' Cuffy ? 
It 's justifyin' Ham to spare a nigger when he 's 

stuft'y. 
Where 'd their soles go tu, like to know, ef we 

should let 'cm ketch 
Freeknowledgism an' Fourierism an' Speritoolisra 

an' sech ? 
When Satan sets himself to work to raise his 

very bes' muss. 
He scatters roun' onscriptur'l views relatin' to 

Ones'mus. 
You 'd ough' to seen, though, how his facs an' 

argymunce an' figgers 
Drawed tears o' real conviction from a lot o' 

pen'tent niggers ! 
It warn't 'like Wilbur's meetin', where you 're 

shet up in a pew. 
Your dickeys sorrin' off your ears, an' bilin' to 

be thru ; 
Ther' wuz a tent clost by thet hed a kag o' sun- 
thin' in it, 



178 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Where you could go, ef you wuz dry, an' damp 

ye in a minute ; 
An' ef you did dror off a spell, ther' wuz n't no 

occasion 
To lose the thread, because, ye see, he bellered 

like all Bashan. 
It 's dry work foUerin' argymunce, an' so, 'twix* 

this an' thet, 
I felt conviction weighin' down somehow inside 

my hat ; 
It gi'owed an' growed like Jonah's gourd, a kin' 

o' whirlin' ketched me, 
Ontil I fin'lly clean giv out an' owned up thet 

he 'd fetched me ; 
An' when nine tenths o' th' perrish took to tum- 

blin' roun' an' hoUerin', 
I did n' fin' no gret in th' way o' turnin' tu an* 

foUerin'. 
Soon ez Miss S. see thet, sez she, " Thet 's wut I 

call wuth seein' ! 
Thet 's actin' like a reasonable an' intellectle 

bein' ! " 
An' so we fin'lly made it up, concluded to hitch 



An' here I be 'n my ellermunt among creation's 

bosses ; 
Arter I 'd drawed sech heaps o' blanks, Fortin at 

last hez sent a prize, 
An' chose me for a shinin' light o' missionary 

entaprise. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 179 

This leads me to another pint on which I 've 

changed my plan 
O' thinkin' so 's 't I might become a straight-out 

Southun man. 
Miss S. (her maiden name wuz Higgs, o' the fus' 

fem'ly here) 
On her Ma's side 's all Juggernot, on Pa's all 

Cavileer, 
An' sence I 've merried into her an' stept into her 

shoes, 
It ain't more 'n nateral thet I should modderfy 

my views : 
I 've ben a-readin' in Debow ontil I 've fairly 

gut 
So 'nlightened thet I 'd full ez lives ha' ben a 

Dook ez nut ; 
An' when we 've laid ye all out stiff, an' Jeff hez 

gut his crown, 
An' comes to pick his nobles out, wurCt this child 

be in town ! 
We '11 hev an Age o' Chivverlry surpassin' Mister 

Burke's, 
Where every fem'ly is fus'-best and nary white 

man works : 
Our system 's sech, the thing '11 root ez easy ez a 

tater ; 
For while your lords in furrin parts ain't noways 

marked by natur', 
Nor sot apart from ornery folks in featurs nor in 

figgers, 



180 riiE in a LOW papkhs. 

Ef ourii '11 keep their faces washed, you '11 know 

'em from their nif^t^ers. 
Ain't seek things wuth secedin' for, an' gittin' 

red o' you 
Thet waller in your low idees, an' will till all is 

blue ? 
Fact is, we air a diff'rent race, an' I, for one, 

don't see, 
Sech havin' oilers ben the case, how w' ever did 

agree. 
It 's sunthin' thet you lab'rin'-folks up North lied 

oiigh' to think on, 
Thet Higgses can't bemean themselves to rulin' 

by a Lincoln, — 
Thet men, (an' guv'nors, tu,) thet hez sech Nor- 
mal names e/- Pickens, 
Accustomed to no kin' o' work, 'thout 't is to giv- 

in' lickins, 
Can't masuro votes with folks thet git tlieir livins 

from their farms, 
An' prob'ly think thet Law 's ez good ez hevin' 

coats o' arms. 
Scnce I 've ben here, I 've hired a chap to look 

about for me 
To git me a transplantable an' thrifty fem'ly- 

tree. 
An' he tells me the Sawins is ez much o' Normal 

blood 
Ez Pickens an' the rest on' em, an' older 'n Noah's 

flood. 



TiiK HI a LOW rAricitn. 181 

Your Normal scIiooIh wiiirt. turn ye into Nor- 
mals, for it 's clear, 
Ef eddykatin' done the thing, they 'd be some 

skurcer here. 
Pickenses, Boggnes, Pettuses, MagolIluK, Letch- 

ern, Polkw, — 
Where can you Hcare up names like them among 

your mudsill folks ? 
Ther' 's nothin' to comi)are with 'em, you 'd fin', 

ef you should glance, 
Among the tip-toj) femerlies in Englan', nor in 

Franco : 
I 've hearn from 'H])onsil)le men whose word wuz 

full e/> good 's their note. 
Men thet can run their fa(;e for drinks, an' keep 

a Sunday coat, 
Thet they wu/, all on 'em come down, and come 

down pooty fur, 
From folks thet, 'thout their crowns wu/ on, ou' 

doors wouhl n' nev(!r stir. 
Nor thet ther' warn't a Southun man hut wut 

wuz primy fdnhy 
O' the hes' blood in Europe, yis, an' Afriky an' 

Asl.y: 

Sech bein' the case, is 't likely we should bend 
like cotton- wickin', 

Or set down under anythin' so low-lived ez a 
lickin' ? 

More 'n this, — hain't we the literatoor an' sci- 
ence, tu, by gorry ? 



182 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Hain't we them intellectle twins, them giants, 

Simms an' Maury, 
Each with full twice the uslile brains, like nothin' 

thet I know, 
'Thout 't wuz a double-headed calf I see once to 

a show ? 

For all thet, I warn't jest at fust in favor o* 

secedin' ; 
I wuz for layin' low a spell to find out where 

't wuz leadin', 
For hevin' South-Carliny try her hand at seprit- 

nationin'. 
She takin' resks an' lindin' funds, an' we co-op- 

erationin', — 
I mean a kin' o' hangin' roun' an' settin' on the 

fence. 
Till Prov'dunce pinted how to jump an' save the 

most expense ; 
I recollected thet 'ere mine o' lead to Shiraz Centre 
Thet bust up Jabez Pettibone, an' did n't want 

to ventur' 
'Fore I wuz sartin wut come out ud pay for wut 

went in, 
For swappin' silver off for lead ain't the sure 

way to win ; 
(An', fact, it doos look now ez though — but folks 

must live an' larn — 
We should git lead, an' more 'n we want, out o' 

the Old Consarn ;) 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 183 

But when I see a man so wise an' honest ez 

Buchanan 
A-lettin' us hev all the forts an' all the arms an' 

cannon, 
Admittin' we wuz nat'lly right an' you wuz nat- 

'lly wrong, 
Coz you wuz lab'rin'-folks an' we wuz wut they 

call hong-tong, 
An' coz there warn't no fight in ye more 'n in a 

mashed potater. 
While two o' us can't skurcely meet but wut we 

fight by natur', 
An' th' ain't a bar-room here would pay for open- 
in' on 't a night, 
Without it giv the priverlege o' bein' shot at 

sight, 
Which proves we 're Natur's noblemen, with 

whom it don't surprise 
The British aristoxy should feel boun' to sympa- 
thize, — 
Seein' all this, an' seein', tu, the thing wuz strik- 

in' roots 
While Uncle Sam sot still in hopes thet some 

one 'd bring his boots, 
I thought th' ole Union's, hoops wuz off, an' let 

myself be sucked in 
To rise a peg an' jine the crowd thet went for 

reconstructin', — 
Thet is, to hev the pardnership under th' ole 

name continner 



184 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Jest ez it wuz, we drorrin' pay, you findin' bone 

an' sinner, — 
On'y to put it in the l)ond, an' enter 't in the 

journals, 
Thet you 're the nat'ral rank an' file, an' we the 

natural kurnels. 

Now this I thought a fees'ble plan, thet 'ud work 

smooth ez grease, 
Suitin' the Nineteenth Century an' Upper Ten 

idees, 
An' there I meant to stick, an' so did most o' th' 

leaders, tu, 
Coz we all thought the chance was good o' puttin' 

on it thru ; 
But Jeff he hit upon a way o' heli)in' on us for- 

rard 
By bein' unanncrmous, — a trick you ain't quite 

up to, Norrard. 
A baldin hain't no more 'f a chance with them 

new a])ple-corers 
Than folks's oppersition views aginst the Ring- 
tail Roarers ; 
They '11 take 'em out on him 'bout east, — one 

canter on a rail , 
Makes a man feel unannermous ez Jonah in the 

whale ; 
Or ef he 's a slow-moulded cuss thet can't seem 

quite t' agree, 
He gits the noose by tellergraph upon the nighes' 

tree : 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 185 

Their mission-work with Afrikins hez put 'em 

up, thet 's sartin, 
To all the mos' across-lot ways o' preachin' an' 

convartin' ; 
I '11 bet my hat th' ain't nary priest, nor all on 

'em together, 
Thet cairs conviction to the min' like Reveren' 

Taranfeather ; 
Why, he sot up with me one night, an' labored 

to sech purpose, 
Thet (ez an owl by daylight 'mongst a flock o' 

teazin' chirpers 
Sees clearer 'n mud the wickedness o' eatin' little 

birds) 
I see my error an' agi-eed to shen it arterwurds ; 
An' I should say, (to jedge our folks by facs in 

my possession,) 
Thet three 's Unannermous where one 's a 'Rigi- 

nal Secession ; 
So it 's a thing you fellers North may safely bet 

your chink on, 
Thet we 're all water-proofed agin th' usurpin' 

reign o' Lincoln. 

Jeff 's some. He 's gut another plan thet hez per- 
tic'lar merits. 

In givin' things a cherfle look an' stiffnin' loose- 
hung sperits ; 

For while your million papers, wut with lyin' an* 
discussin'. 



186 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Keep folks's tempers all on eend a-fumin' an* 

a-fussin', 
A-wondrin' this an' giiessin' thet, an' dreadin', 

every night, 
The breechin' o' the Univarse '11 break afore it 's 

light, 
Our papers don't purtend to print on'y wut Guv- 

ment choose, 
An' thet insures us all to git the very best o' 

noose : 
Jeff hez it of all sorts an' kines, an' sarves it out 

ez wanted. 
So 's 't every man gits wut he likes an' nobody 

ain't scanted ; 
Sometimes it 's vict'ries, (they 're 'bout all ther' 

is that 's cheap down here,) 
Sometimes it 's France an' England on the jump 

to interfere. 
Fact is, the less the people know o' wut ther' is 

a-doin'. 
The hendier 't is for Guv'ment, sence it benders 

trouble brewin' ; 
An' noose is like a shinplaster, — it 's good, ef 

you believe it, 
Or, wut 's all same, the other man thet 's goin' to 

receive it : 
Ef you 've a son in th' army, wy, it 's comfortin' 

to hear 
He '11 hev no gretter resk to run than seein' th* 

in'my's rear, 



rilE BIGLOW PAPERS. 187 

Coz, ef an F. F. looks at 'em, they oilers break 

an' run, 
Or wilt right down ez debtors will thet stumble 

on a dun, 
(An' this, ef an'thin', proves the wuth o' proper 

fem'ly pride, 
Fer sech mean shucks ez creditors are all on 

Lincoln's side ;) 
Ef I hev scrip thet wun't go off no more 'n a 

Belgin rifle, 
An' read thet it 's at par on 'Change, it makes 

me feel deli'fle ; 
It 's cheerin', tu, where every man mus' fortify his 

bed. 
To hear thet Freedom 's the one thing our darkies 

mos'ly dread. 
An' thet experunce, time 'n' agin, to Dixie's Land 

hez shown 
Ther' 's nothin' like a powder-cask f'r a stiddy 

corner-stone ; 
Ain't it ez good ez nuts, when salt is sellin' by 

the ounce 
For its own weight in Treash'ry-bons, (ef bought 

in small amounts,) 
When even whiskey 's gittin' skurce, an' sugar 

can't be found, 
To know thet all the ellerments o' luxury abound ? 
An' don't it glorify sal'-pork, to come to under- 
stand 
It 's wut the Richmon' editors call fatness o' the 

land? 



188 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Nex' tiling to knowin' you 're well off is 7iut to 

know when y' ain't ; 
An' ef Jeff says all 's goin' wal, who '11 ventur* 

t' say it ain't ? 

This cairn the Constitooshun roun' ez Jeff doos 

in his hat 
Is hendier a dreffle sight, an' comes more kin* o' 

pat. 
I tell ye wiit, my jedgment is you 're pooty sure 

to fail, 
Ez long 'z the head keeps turnin' back for counsel 

to the tail : 
Th' advantiges of our consarn for bein' prompt 

air gret, 
Wliile, 'long o' Congress, you can't strike, 'f you 

git an iron het ; 
They bother roun' with argooin', an var'ous sorts 

o' foolin'. 
To make sure ef it 's leg'lly het, an' all the while 

it 's coolin', 
So 's 't when you come to strike, it ain't no gret 

to wish ye j'y on, 
An' hurts the hammer 'z much or more ez wut it 

doos the iron, 
Jeff don't allow no jawin'-sprees for three months 

at a stretch, 
Knowin' the ears long speeches suits air mostly 

made to metch ; 
He jes' ropes in your tonguey chaps an* reg'lar 

ten-inch bores 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 189 

An' lets 'em play at Congress, ef they '11 du it 

with closed doors ; 
So they ain't no more bothersome than ef we 'd 

took an' sunk 'em, 
An' yit enj'y th' exclusive right to one another's 

Buncombe 
'Thout doin' nobody no hurt, an' 'thout its costin' 

nothin', 
Their pay bein' jes' Confedrit funds, they findin' 

keep an' clothin' ; 
They taste the sweets o' jiublic life, an' plan their 

little jobs. 
An' suck the Treash'ry, (no gret harm, for it 's ez 

dry ez cobs,) 
An' go thru all the motions jest ez safe ez in a 

prison. 
An' hev their business to themselves, while Bure- 

gard hez hisn : 
Ez long 'z he gives the Hessians fits, committees 

can't make bother 
'Bout whether 't 's done the legle way or whether 

't 's done the t'other. 
An' / tell you you 've gut to larn thet War ain't 

one long teeter 
Betwixt I wan' to an' 'T wurCt du, debatin' like 

a skeetur 
Afore he lights, — all is, to give the other side a 

millin'. 
An' arter thet's done, th' ain't no resk but wut the 

lor '11 be willin' ; 



190 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

No mettor wut the guv'ment is, ez nigh ez I can 

hit it, 
A lickin' 's constitooshunal, pervidin' We don't 

git it. 
Jeff don't Stan' dilly-dallyin', afore he takes a 

fort, 
(With no one in,) to git the leave o' the nex* 

Soopreine Court, 
Nor don't want forty-'leven weeks o' jawin' an' 

cxpoundin' 
To prove a nigger hez a right to save him, ef he 's 

drowndin' ; 
Whereas ole Abram 'd sink afore he 'd let a darkie 

boost him, 
Ef Taney should n't come along an' hed n't in- 

terdooced him. 
It ain't your twenty millions thet '11 ever block 

Jeff's game. 
But one Man tliet wun't let 'em jog jest ez he 's 

takin' aim : 
Your numbers they may strengthen ye or weaken 

ye, ez 't heppens 
They 're willin' to be helpin' hands or wuss'n- 

nothin' cap'ns. 

I 've chose my side, an' 't ain't no odds ef I wuz 

drawed with magnets, 
Or ef I thought it prudenter to jine the nighes' 

bagnets ; 
1' ve made my ch'ice, an' ciphered out, from all I 

see an' heard, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 191 

Th' ole Constitooshun never 'd git her decks for 

action cleared, 
Long 'z you elect for Congressmen poor shotes 

thet want to go 
Co7. they can't seem to git their grub no other- 
ways than so, 
An' let your bes' men stay to home coz they 

wun't show ez talkers. 
Nor can't be hired to fool ye an' sof '-soap ye at a 

caucus, — 
Long 'z ye set by Rotashun more 'n ye do by 

folks's merits, 
Ez though experunce thriv by change o' sile, like 

corn an' kerrits, — 
Long 'z you allow a critter's " claims " coz, spite 

o' shoves an' tippins. 
He 's kep' his private pan jest where 't would 

ketch mos' public drii)pins, — 
Long 'z A. '11 turn tu an' grin' B. 's exe, ef B. 'II 

help him grin' hisn, 
(An' thet 's the main idee by which your leadin' 

men hev risen,) — 
Long 'z you let ary exe be groun', 'less 't is to 

cut the weasan' 
O' sneaks thet dunno till they 're told wut is an' 

wut ain't Treason, — 
Long 'z ye give out commissions to a lot o' ped- 

dlin' drones 
Thet trade in whiskey with their men an' skin 

'em tf) theii- bones, — 



192 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Long 'z ye sift out "• safe " canderdates thet no 
one ain't afeared on 

Coz they 're so thund'rin' eminent for bein' nev- 
er heard on, 

An' hain't no record, ez it 's called, for folks to 
pick a hole in, 

Ez ef it hurt a man to liev a body with a soul 
in, 

An' it wuz ostentaslmn to be showin' on 't 
about, 

When half his feller-citizens contrive to do with- 
out, — 

Long 'z you suppose your votes can turn biled 
kebbage into brain, 

An' ary man thet 's pop'lar 's fit to drive a light- 
nin'-train, — 

Long 'z you believe democracy means I'm ez 
fjood cz you he. 

An' that a feller from the ranks can't be a knave 
or booby, — 

Long 'z Congress seems purvided, like yer street- 
cars an' yer 'busses. 

With oilers room for jes' one more o' your 
spiled-in-bakin' cusses. 

Dough 'thout the emptins of a soul, an' yit with 
means about 'em 

(Like essence-peddlers *) thet '11 make folks long 
to be without 'em, 

* A rustic euphemism for the American variety of the Me- 
phitis. H. W. 



rnK BIG LOW PAPERS. 193 

Jest lieavy 'nough to turn a scale thet 's doubtfle 

the wrong way, 
An' make their nat'ral arKenal o' hein' nasty 

pay, — 
Long '/ them things last, (an' / don't see no grot 

signs of improvin',) 
I sha' n't up stakes, not hardly yit, nor 't would 

n't pay for movin' ; 
For, 'fore you lick us, it '11 be the long'st day 

ever you see. 
Yourn, [ez I 'xpec' to be nex' spring,] 

B., Makklss o' Big Boosy. 



No. IV. 

A MESSAGE OF JEFF DAVIS IN SE- 
CRET SESSION. 

Conjecturally reported by H. Biglow. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 

Jaalam, 10th March, 1862. 

Gentlemen, — My leisure has been so 
entirely occupied with the hitherto fruitless 
endeavor to decipher the Runic inscription 
whose fortunate discovery I mentioned in 
my last communication, that I have not 
found time to discuss, as I had intended, the 
great problem of what we are to do with 
slavery, — a topic on which the public mind 
in this place is at present more than ever 
agitated. What my wishes and hopes are 
1 need not say, but for safe conclusions I do 
not conceive that we are yet in possession 
of facts enough on which to bottom them 
with certainty. Acknowledging the hand of 
Providence, as I do, in all events, I am some- 
times inclined to think that they are wiser 
than we, and am willing to wait till we have 
made this continent once more a place where 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 195 

freemen can live in security and honor, before 
assuming any further responsibility. This is 
the view taken by my neighbor Habakkuk 
Sloansure, Esq., the president of our bank, 
whose opinion in the practical affairs of life 
has great weight with me, as I have gener- 
ally found it to be justified by the event, and 
whose counsel, had I followed it, would have 
saved me from an unfortunate investment of 
a considerable part of the painful economies 
of half a century in the Northwest-Passage 
Tunnel. After a somewhat animated discus- 
sion with this gentleman, a few days since, 
I expanded, on the audi alteram partem 
principle, something which he happened to 
say by way of illustration, into the following 
fable. 

FESTINA LENTE. 

Once on a time there was a pool 
Fringed all about with flag-leaves cool 
And spotted with cow-lilies garish, 
Of frogs and pouts the ancient parish. 
Alders the creaking redwings sink on, 
Tussocks that house blithe Bob o' Lincoln 
Hedged round the unassailed seclusion, 
Where muskrats piled their cells Carthusian; 
And many a moss-embroidered log, 
The watering-place of summer frog. 
Slept and decayed with patient skill, 
As watering-places sometimes will. 



196 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Now in this Abbey of Theleme, 
Which realized the fairest dream 
That ever dozing bull-frog had, 
Sunned on a half-sunk lily-pad, 
There rose a party with a mission 
To mend the poUiwogs' condition. 
Who notified the selectmen 
To call a meeting there and then. 
" Some kind of steps," they said, " are needed ; 
They don't come on so fast as we did : 
Let 's dock their tails ; if that don't make 'em 
Frogs by brevet the Old One take 'em ! 
That boy, that came the other day 
To dig some flag-root down this way. 
His jack-knife left, and 't is a sign 
That Heaven approves of our design : 
'T were wicked not to urge the step on, 
When Providence has sent the weapon." 

Old croakers, deacons of the mire. 
That led the deep batrachian choir, 
Uk ! Uk ! Caronk ! with bass that might 
Have left Lablache's out of sight, 
Shook nobby heads, and said, " No go ! 
You 'd better let 'em try to grow : 
Old Doctor Time is slow, but still 
He does know how to make a pill." 

But vain was all their hoarsest bass, 
Their old experience out of place, 
And spite of croaking and entreating, 
The vote was carried in marsh-meeting. 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 197 

" Lord knows," protest the polliwogs, 
" We 're anxious to be grown-up frogs ; 
But do not undertake the work 
Of Nature till she prove a shirk ; 
'T is not by jumps that she advances, 
But wins her way by circumstances : 
Pray, wait awhile, until you know 
We 're so contrived as not to grow ; 
Let Nature take her own direction, 
And she '11 absorb our imperfection ; 
You might n't like 'em to appear with, 
But we must have the things to steer with." 

" No," piped the party of reform, 
*' All great results are ta'en by storm ; 
Fate holds her best gifts till we show 
We 've strength to make her let them go ; 
The Providence that works in history, 
And seems to some folks such a mystery, 
Does not creep slowly on incog., 
But moves by jumps, a mighty frog; 
No more reject the Age's chrism, 
Your queues are an anachronism ; 
No more the Future's promise mock. 
But lay your tails upon the block. 
Thankful that we the means have voted 
To have you thus to frogs promoted." 

The thing was done, the tails were cropped, 

And home each philotadpole hopped, 

In faith rewarded to exult. 

And wait the beautiful result. 

Too soon it came ; our pool, so long 

The theme of patriot bull-frog's song, 



198 THE BIG LOW PAPKILS. 

Next day was rcekingf, iii to suiothor, 
With heads and tails that missed each other, — 
Hero snoutloss tails, there tailless snouts : 
The only <;!iintu's were the pouts. 

MORAL. 

From lower to the higher next. 
Not to the top, is Nature's text ; 
And (Mubryo (Jood, to reach full stature, 
Absorbs the I'vil in its nature. 

1 lliink iliat iioiliiiii;- will over oiv(> ]ior- 
inaiUMit |H':uu3 and security to this continent 
l)nt the extirpation of Slavery therefrom, 
and that the occasion is ni<;h ; hnt I would 
do nothing" hastily or vindictively, nor pre- 
sume to jog* the elbow of Providence. No 
desperate measures for mo till we are sure 
that all others are hopeless, — Jlecterc si nc- 
qneo suriCROS, Acheronta inoveho. To make 
Emancipation a reform instead of a revolu- 
tion is worth a little ])atienc(N that we may 
have the i^oi'der States first, and then the 
non-slavehohhM's of the Cotton States, with 
lis in ])rincij)le, — a consuinniation that 
seems to be nearer than many imagines 
Flatjustif'Kt^ rit(ft ('(xluin^ is not to be taken 
in a literal sense by statt\smen, whose prob- 
lem is to get justice done with as little jar 



TIIK JiKILOW l'AI'l':iiH. 199 

as possible to oxiHtln*;- order, wlilcli 1i:ih n,t 
l(%'ist Ko iiiucli of li(!;iv(!n in it lliiil- i(, is not 
cliaoH. Our first duty toward our (;iislav(Hl 
brotJK^r is to cdiicaMi liiiii, wIicLlicr- Jk; bo 
whit(; oi- blade, 'riic, first ii(!(mI of tlio I'nM! 
black is to elovato hiiiisidf according to tlio 
standard of tbis inatiirial generation. So 
soon as tlio Etliioi)ian goes in bis cbariot, li(3 
will find not oidy A|)ostl(3H, biit('bi(!f Priosts 
and Scribes and JMiariscies willing to rido 
witb bini. 

Nil lialxtt iiifc.lix puMpcrfiiH diiriiiH in ho 
Qiiain (|ii()(t I'idiciiloH lioiiiiiMtH fncil. 

I rejoice in the President's bitcj Message, 
wbicb at last pioclairns tbe (ioverniiK^nt on 
tbe side of freedom, justice, and sound pol- 
icy. 

As 1 writ(!, conies tlu; news of our disaster 
at lIani])ton Koads. J do not understand 
the supineness wbicb, after fair warning, 
leaves wood to an nncijual (;onflict witb iron. 
It is not enough rru;rely to have tbe right on 
our side, if we stick to tbe old flint-lock of 
tradition. I have obs(!ived in my parochial 
exp(;rience {JkuuI ujrutniH itKiil) that the 
Devil is ])rompt to adopt the lat(!st inven- 
tions of destructive warfare, and may thus 
take even such a three-decker as Jiisbop 



200 TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Butler at an advantage. It is curious, that, 
as gunpowder made armor useless on sliore, 
so armor is having its revenge by baffling 
its old enemy at sea, — and that, while gun- 
powder robbed land warfare of nearly all its 
picturesqueness to give even greater state- 
liness and sublimity to a sea-fight, armor 
bids fair to degrade the latter into a squab- 
ble between two iron-shelled turtles. 
Yours, with esteem and respect, 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 

P. S. — I had wellnigh forgotten to say 
that the object of this letter is to enclose a 
communication from the gifted pen of Mr. 
Biglow. 

I SENT you a messige, my friens, t' other day, 
To tell you I 'd nothin' pertickler to say : 
'T wuz the day our new nation gut kin' o' still- 
born, 
So 't wuz my pleasant dooty t' acknowledge the 

corn, 
An' I see clearly then, ef I did n't before, 
Thet the augur in inauguration means bore. 
I need n't tell you thet my messige wuz written 
To diffuse correc' notions in France an' Gret 

Britten, 
An' agin to impress on the poppylar mind 
The comfort an' wisdom o' goin' it bhnd, — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 201 

To say thet I did n't abate not a hooter 

O' my faith in a happy an' glorious futur', 

Ez rich in each soshle an' p'litickle blessin' 

Ez them thet we now hed the joy o' possessin', 

With a people united, an' longin' to die 

For wut we call their country, without askin' 

why, 
An' all the gret things we concluded to slope for 
Ez much within reach now ez ever — to hope for. 
"We 've gut all the ellerraents, this very hour, 
Thet make up a fus'- class, self-governin' power : 
We 've a war, an' a debt, an' a flag ; an' ef this 
Ain't to be inderpendunt, why, wut on airth is ? 
An' nothin' now benders our takin' our station 
Ez the freest, enlightenedest, civerlized nation. 
Built up on our bran'-new politickle thesis 
Thet a Gov'ment's fust right is to tumble to 

pieces, — 
I say nothin' benders our takin our place 
Ez the very fus'-best o' the whole human race, 
A spittin' tobacker ez proud ez you please 
On Victory's bes' carpets, or loafin' at ease 
In the Tool'ries front-parlor, discussin' affairs 
With our heels on the backs o' Napoleon's new 

chairs, 
An' princes a-mixin' our cocktails an' slings, — 
Excep', wal, excep' jest a very few things, 
Sech ez navies an' armies an' wherewith to pay, 
An' gittin' our sogers to run t' other way, 
An' not be too over-pertickler in tryin' 
To hunt up the very las' ditches to die in. 



202 TEE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Ther' are critters so base thet they want it ex- 
plained 
Jes' wilt is the totle amount thet we Ve gained, 
Ez ef we could maysure stupenjious events 
By the low Yankee stan'ard o' dollars an' cents : 
They seem to f orgit, thet, sence last year revolved, 
We 've succeeded in gittin seceshed an' dissolved. 
An' thet no one can't hope to git thru dissolootion 
'Thout some kin' o' strain on the best Constitoo- 

tion. 
Who asks for a prospec' more flettrin' an' bright, 
When from here clean to Texas it 's all one free 

fight ? 
Hain't we rescued from Seward the gret leadin' 

featurs 
Thet makes it wuth while to be reasonin' crea- 

turs ? 
Hain't we saved Habus Coppers, improved it in 

fact, 
By suspendin' the Unionists 'stid o' the Act ? 
Ain't the laws free to all ? Where on airth else 

d' ye see 
Every freeman improvin his own rope an' tree ? 
Ain't our piety sech (in our speeches an' mes- 

siges) 
Ez t' astonish ourselves in the bes'- composed pes- 

siges. 
An' to make folks that knowed us in th' ole state 

o' things 
Think convarsion ez easy ez drinkin' gin-slings ? 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 203 

It 's ne'ssary to take a good confident tone 
With the public ; but here, jest amongst us, I own 
Things look blacker 'n thunder. Ther' 's no use 

denyin' 
We 're clean out o' money, an' 'most out o' 

lyin', — 
Two things a young nation can't mennage with- 
out, 
Ef she wants to look wal at her fust comin' out ; 
For the fust supplies physickle strength, while the 

second 
Gives a morril edvantage thet 's hard to be reck- 
oned : 
For this latter I 'm willin' to du wut I can ; 
For the former you '11 hev to consult on a plan, — 
Though OMV fust want (an' this pint I want your 

best views on) 
Is plausible paper to print I. 0. U.s on. 
Some gennlemen think it would cure all our 

cankers 
In the way o' finance, ef we jes' hanged the 

bankers ; 
An' I own the proposle 'ud square with my views, 
Ef their lives wuz n't all thet we 'd left 'em to 

lose. 
Some say thet more confidence might be inspired, 
Ef we voted our cities an' towns to be fired, — 
A plan thet 'ud suttenly tax our endurance, 
Coz 'twould be our own bills we should git for 
th' insurance; 



204 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

But cinders, no metter how sacred we think 'em, 
Might n't strike furrin minds ez good sources of 

income, 
Nor the people, perhaps, would n't like the eclaw 
O' bein' all turned into paytriots by law. 
Some want we should buy all the cotton an' burn 

it. 
On a pledge, when we 've gut thru the war, to 

retm^n it, — 
Then to take the proceeds an' hold them ez 

security 
For an issue o' bonds to be met at maturity 
With an issue o' notes to be paid in hard cash 
On the fus' Monday follerin' the 'tarnal All- 
smash : 
This hez a safe air, an', once hold o' the gold, 
'Ud leave our vile plunderers out in the cold. 
An' might temp' John Bull, ef it warn't for the 

dip he 
Once gut from the banks o' my own Massissippi. 
Some think we could make, by arrangin' the 

figgers, 
A hendy home-currency out of our niggers ; 
But it won't du to lean much on ary sech staff, 
For they 're gittin' tu current a'ready, by half. 
One gennleman says, ef we lef ' our loan out 
Where Floyd could git hold on 't, he 'd take it, no 

doubt ; 
But 't ain't jes' the takin', though 't hez a good 

look, 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 205 

We mus' git sunthin' out on it arter it 's took, 
An' we need now more 'n ever, with sorrer I own, 
Thet some one another should let us a loan, 
Sence a soger wun't fight, on'y jes' while he draws 

his 
Pay down on the nail, for the hest of all causes, 
'Thout askin' to know wut the quarrel 's about, — 
An' once come to thet, why, our game is played 

out. 
It 's ez true ez though I should n't never hev said 

it 
Thet a hitch hez took place in our system o' 

credit ; 
I swear it 's all right in my speeches an' mes- 

siges, 
But ther' 's idees afloat, ez ther' is about ses- 

siges : 
Folks wun't take a bond ez a basis to trade on. 
Without nosin' round to find out wut it 's made 

on. 
An' the thought more an' more thru the public 

min' crosses 
Thet our Treshry hez gut 'mos' too many dead 

hosses. 
Wut 's called credit, you see, is some like a bal- 
loon, 
Thet looks while it 's up 'most ez harnsome 'z a 

moon, 
But once git a leak in 't an' wut looked so grand 
Caves righ' down in a jiffy ez flat ez your hand. 



206 THE BICLOW PAFFES. 

Now the world is a dreffle mean place, for our 

sins. 
AVhere ther' oUus is critters about with lonp; pins 
A-prickin' the bubbles we 've blowed with sech 

care. 
An* provin' ther' "s nothin' inside but bad air : 
Thev 're all Stuai't Millses. poor-white trash, an' 

sneaks. 
Without no more chivverlry 'n Choctaws or 

Creeks. 
Who thinks a real gennleman's promise to pay 
Is meant to be took in tirade's ornery way : 
Them fellers an' I could n' never agree ; 
They 're the nateral foes o' the Southun Idee ; 
I 'd gladly take all of our other resks on me 
To be red o' this low-lived politikle 'con'my ! 

Now a dastardly notion is gittin' about 

Thet our bladder is bust an' tJie gas oozin' out. 

An' onless we can mennage in some way to stop 

it. 
Why, the thing 's a gone coon, an' we might ez 

wal drop it. 
Brag works wal at fust, but it ain't jes' the thing 
For a stiddy inves'ment the shiners to bring, 
An* votin* we *re prosp'rous a hundred times 

over 
Wun*t change bein starved into livin' on clover. 
IManassas done sunthin' tow'rds drawin' the wool 
O'er the green, anti-slavery eyes o' John Bull : 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 207 

Oh, v'fir n't it a godsend, jes' when f>ech tight 

fixes 
Wuz crowdin' us mourners, to throw double- 
sixes ! 
I wuz tempted to think, an' it wuz n't no wonder, 
Ther' wuz reelly a Providence, — over or un- 
der, — 
When, all pac;ked for Nashville, I fust ascer- 
tained 
From the papers up Noilh wut a victory we 'd 

gained. 
'T wuz the time for diffusin' correc' views abroad 
Of our union an' strength an' relyin' on God ; 
An', fact, when I 'd gut thru my fust big surprise, 
I much ez half b'lieved in my own tallest lies, 
An' conveyed the idee thet the whole Southun 

popperlace 
Wuz Spartans all on the keen jump for Ther- 

mopperlies, 
Thet set on the Lincolnites' bombs till they bust, 
An' fight for the priv'lege o' dyin' the fust ; 
But Roanoke, Bufort, Millspring, an' the rest 
Of our recent starn-foremost successes out West, 
Hain't left us a foot for our swellin' to stand 

on, — 
We 've showed too much o' wut Buregard calls 

ahandoUy 
For all our Thermopperlies (an' it 's a marcy 
We hain't hed no more) hev ben clean vicy- 
varsy, 



lIOS THE BICLOW PArKRS. 

\\\ wilt Spartans wii/ lot"' whon tlio battle wiiz 

dono 
Wiii them tliot wii/. too unainbitious to run. 

Oh, ef wo lied on'v jes' i^iit Heei'ognitioii, 
Tliinos now would ha* hen in a ditVerent position I 
You \l ha' lied all you wanted : the j^aper bloek- 

ade 
Smashed up into toothpieks, — unlimited trade 
In the one thing tliet 's needtle, till nio>;ers, I 

swow, 
lied ben thieker 'n provisional shinplastei*s ^ 

now, — 
Quinine bv the ton '^inst the shakes when they 

sei/.e ye, — 
Niee paper to eoin into C. S. A. speeio : 
The voiee of the ilriver W be lieerd in our land, 
An' the univarse seriiii;e, ef we lifted our hand : 
Would n't thet be some like a fultlllin' the proph- 

eeies. 
With all the fus' fem'lies in all the fust otfiees? 
"r wu/. a beautiful dream, an' all sm-rer is idle. — 
But ef Lincoln irouhl ha' hanged Mason jui* 

' Slidell! 
For would n't the Yankees hev found they *d 

ketehed Tartars, 
Ef they 'd raised two seeh critters as them into 

martyrs ? 
JMason u'Kz F. F. V., tJiougli a cheap card to win 

on, 



TIJK liKJlJjW I'AI'KltH. 209 

But tother was j«;h' ^t-.v/ York tiaKh to Ijogin on ; 

Tliey ain't o' no good in Kiii/)pcan polliceH, 

Jiut think wut a liclj) tlu;y 'd lia' Ijon on tfioir gal- 

loWKOH I 

Tliey W ha' Iclt thoy wn/, truly fulfillin' tlioirrnlH- 

KJon, 
An' oh how (log-chcap wo 'd ha' gut Roecogni- 

tion ! 

But Bomehow another, wutevor wo 've tried, 
Thougli tyi(i tho'ry 'h fuKt-rato, the facH vmn't 

coincide : 
FacH are contrary '/. mules, an' ez Iiaid in the 

inoutli, 
An' tli(;y alhjH liev showed a mean Hpite to the 

South. 
Soch hein' the cane, we lied heHt look ahout 
For Home kin' o' way to slip our necks out: 
Le' 's vote our las' dollar, ef one can he found, 
(An', at any rate, votin' it hez a good sound,) — 
Le' 's sware thet to arms all our peoj^le is flyin', 
(The critters can't read, an' wun't know how 

we 're lyiii',) — 
Thet 'J\>o)m})s is advancin' to sack Cincinnater, 
"With arovin' commission to ])illage an' slahter, — 
Thet we 've throwed to the winds all regard for 

wut 'h lawfle. 
An' gone in for sunthin' promiscu'sly awfle. 
Ye see, hitherto, it 's our own knaves an' fools 
Thet we 've used, (those for whetstones, an* 

t' others ez tools,) 



210 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' now our las' chance is in puttin' to test 
The same kin' o' cattle up North an' out West, — 
Your Belmonts, Vallandighams, Woodses, an' 

sech, 
Poor shotes thet ye could n't persuade us to tech, 
Not in ornery times, though we 're willin' to 

feed 'em 
With a nod now an' then, when we happen to 

need 'em ; 
Why, for my part, I 'd ruther shake hands with 

a nigger 
Than with cusses that load an' don't darst dror a 

trigger ; 
They 're the wust wooden nutmegs the Yankees 

produce. 
Shaky everywheres else, an' jes' sound on the 

goose ; 
They ain't wuth a cus, an' I set nothin' by 'em, 
But we 're in sech a fix thet I s'pose we mus' try 

'em. 
I — But, Gennlemen, here 's a dispatch jes' 

come in 
Which shows thet the tide 's begun turnin' 

agin, — 
Gret Cornfedrit success ! C'lumbus eevacooated J 
I mus' run down an' hev the thing properly 

stated, 
An' show wut a triumph it is, an' how lucky 
To fin'lly git red o' thet cussed Kentucky, — 
An' how, sence Fort Donelson, winnin' the day 
Consists in triumphantly gittin' away. 



No. V. 

SPEECH OF HONORABLE PRESERVED 
DOE IN SECRET CAUCUS. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, 12th April, 1862. 

Gentlemen, — As I cannot but hope that 
the ultimate, if not speedy, success of the 
national arms is now sufficiently ascertained, 
sure as I am of the righteousness of our 
cause and its consequent claim on the bless- 
ing of God, (for I would not show a faith 
inferior to that of the pagan historian with 
his Facile evenit quod Dis cordi est,^ it 
seems to me a suitable occasion to withdraw 
our minds a moment from the confusing din 
of battle to objects of peaceful and perma- 
nent interest. Let us not neglect the mon- 
uments of preterite history because what 
shall be history is so diligently making un- 
der our eyes. Cras Ingens itercibimus 
cequor ; to-morrow will be time enough for 
that stormy sea ; to-day let me engage the 
attention of your readers with the Runic 



212 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

inscription to whose fortunate discovery I 
have heretofore aUuded. Well may we say 
with the poet, Midta renascmitiir quce jam 
cecldere. And I would premise, that, al- 
thouoh I can no lonsfer resist the evidence 
of my own senses from the stone before me 
to the ante-Columbian discovery of this con- 
tinent by the Northmen, c/e?is indytissima^ 
as they are called in a Palermitan inscrip- 
tion, written fortunately in a less debatable 
character than that which I am about to de- 
cipher, yet I would by no means be under- 
stood as wishing to vilipend the merits of 
the great Genoese, whose name will never be 
forgotten so long as the inspiring strains of 
" Hail Columbia " shall continue to be heard. 
Though he must be stripped also of what- 
ever praise may belong to the experiment of 
the egg^ which I find proverbially attributed 
by Castilian authors to a certain Juanito or 
Jack, (perhaps an offshoot of our giant-kill- 
ing mythus,) his name will still remain one 
of the most illustrious of modern times. 
But the impartial historian owes a duty like- 
wise to obscure merit, and my solicitude to 
render a tardy justice is perhaps quickened 
by my having known those who, had their 
own field of labor been less secluded, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 213 

might have found a readier acceptance with 
the reading public. I could give an exam- 
ple, but I forbear : forsitan nostris ex ossi- 
bus oritur ultor. 

Touching Runic inscriptions, I find that 
they may be classed under three general 
heads : 1°. Those which are understood by 
the Danish Royal Society of Northern Anti- 
quaries, and Professor Rafn, their secretary ; 
2°. Those which are comprehensible only by 
Mr. Rafn ; and 3°. Those which neither the 
Society, Mr. Rafn, nor anybody else can be 
said in any definite sense to understand, and 
which accordingly offer peculiar temptations 
to enucleating sagacity. These last are nat- 
urally deemed the most valuable by intel- 
ligent antiquaries, and to this class the stone 
now in my possession fortunately belongs. 
Such give a picturesque variety to ancient 
events, because susceptible oftentimes of as 
many interpretations as there are individual 
archaeologists ; and since facts are only the 
pulp in which the Idea or event-seed is softly 
imbedded till it ripen, it is of little conse- 
quence what color or flavor we attribute to 
them, provided it be agreeable. Availing 
myself of the obliging assistance of Mr. 
Arphaxad Bowers, an ingenious photogra- 



214 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

pliic artist, whose liouse-on-wheels has now 
stood for three years on our Meeting-House 
Green, with the somewhat contradictory in- 
scription, — " our motto is onward,^^ — I 
have sent accurate copies of my treasure to 
many learned men and societies, both native 
and European. I may hereafter communi- 
cate their different and (?/ie judice) equally 
erroneous solutions. I solicit also, Messrs. 
Editors, your own acceptance of the copy 
herewith inclosed. I need only promise 
further, that the stone itself is a goodly 
block of metamorphic sandstone, and that 
the Runes resemble very nearly the orni- 
thichnites or fossil bird-tracks of Dr. Hitch- 
cock, but with less regularity or apparent 
design than is displayed by those remarkable 
geological monuments. These are rather 
the non bene junctarum discordia semina 
rerum. Resolved to leave no door open to 
cavil, I first of all attempted the elucidation 
of this remarkable example of lithic litera- 
ture by the ordinary modes, but with no 
adequate return for my labor. I then con- 
sidered myseK amply justified in resorting 
to that heroic treatment the felicity of 
which, as applied by the great Bentley to 
Milton, had long ago enlisted my admira- 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 215 

tion. Indeed, I had already made up my 
mind, that, in case good-fortune should throw 
any such invaluable record in my way, I 
would proceed with it in the following simple 
and satisfactory method. After a cursory 
examination, merely sufficing for an ap- 
proximative estimate of its length, I would 
write down a hypothetical inscription based 
upon antecedent probabilities, and then pro- 
ceed to extract from the characters ens-raven 
on the stone a meaning as nearly as possible 
conformed to this a priori product of my 
own ingenuity. The result more than justi- 
fied my hopes, inasmuch as the two inscrip- 
tions were made without any great violence 
to tally in all essential particulars. I then 
proceeded, not without some anxiety, to my 
second test, which was, to read the Eunic 
letters diagonally, and again with the same 
success. With an excitement pardonable 
under the circumstances, yet tempered with 
thankful humility, I now applied my last 
and severest trial, my experimentiim crucis, 
I turned the stone, now doubly precious in 
my eyes, with scrupulous exactness upside 
down. The physical exertion so far dis- 
placed my spectacles as to derange for a 
moment the focus of vision. I confess that 



216 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

it was with some tremulousness that I read- 
justed them upon my nose, and prepared my 
mind to bear with cahnness any disappoint- 
ment that might ensue. But, O alho dies 
notanda lapillo ! what was my delight to 
find that the change of position had effected 
none in the sense of the writing, even by so 
much as a single letter ! I was now, and 
justly, as I think, satisfied of the conscien- 
tious exactness of my interpretation. It is 
as follows : — 

HERE 

BJARXA GR/mOLFSSON 

FIRST DRANK CLOUD-BROTHER 

THROUGH CHILD-OF-LAND-AND-WATER : 

that is, drew smoke through a reed stem. In 
other words, we have here a record of the 
first smoking of the herb Nicotiana Ta- 
hacum by an European on this continent. 
The probable results of this discovery are 
so vast as to baffle conjecture. If it be ob- 
jected, that the smoking of a pipe would 
hardly justify the setting up of a memorial 
stone, I answer, that even now the Moquis 
Indian, ere he takes his first whiff, bows 
reverently toward the four quarters of the 
sky in succession, and that the loftiest monu- 
ments have been reared to perpetuate fame, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 217 

which is the dream of the shadow of smoke. 
The Saga, it will be remembered, leaves this 
Bjarna to a fate something like that of Sir 
Humphrey Gilbert on board a sinking ship 
in the " wormy sea," having generously given 
up his place in the boat to a certain Ice- 
lander. It is doubly pleasant, therefore, to 
meet with this proof that the brave old man 
arrived safely in Vinland, and that his de- 
clining years were cheered by the respect- 
ful attentions of the dusky denizens of our 
then uninvaded forests. Most of all was I 
gratified, hovv^ever, in thus linking forever 
the name of my native town with one of 
the most momentous occurrences of modern 
times. Hitherto Jaalam, though in soil, 
climate, and geographical position as highly 
qualified to be the theatre of remarkable 
historical incidents as any spot on the earth's 
surface, has been, if I may say it without 
seeming to question the wisdom of Provi- 
dence, almost maliciously neglected, as it 
might appear, by occurrences of world-wide 
interest in want of a situation. And in mat- 
ters of this nature it must be confessed that 
adequate events are as necessary as the rates 
sacer to record them. Jaalam stood always 
modestly ready, but circumstances made no 



218 THE BIGLOW PAVERS. 

fitting response to her generous intentions. 
Now, however, she assumes her place on the 
historic roll. I have hitherto been a zeal- 
ous opponent of the Circean herb, but I 
shall now reexamine the question without 
bias. 

I am aware that the Rev. Jonas Tutchel, 
in a recent communication to the Bos^us 
Four Corners Weekly Meridian, has endeav- 
ored to show that this is the sepulchral in- 
scription of Thorwald Eriksson, who, as is 
well known, was slain in Vinland b}^ the 
natives. But 1 think he has been misled by 
a preconceived theory, and cannot but feel 
that he has thus made an ungracious return 
for my allowing him to inspect the stone with 
the aid of my own glasses (he having by acci- 
dent left his at home) and in my own study. 
The heathen ancients might have instructed 
this Christian minister in the rites of hospi- 
talit}^ but much is to be pardoned to the 
spirit of self-love. He must indeed be ingen- 
ious who can make out the words her livillr 
from any characters in the inscription in 
question, which, whatever else it may be, is 
certainly not mortuary. And even should the 
reverend gentleman succeed in persuading 
some fantastical wits of the soundness of his 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 219 

views, I do not see what useful end lie will 
have gained. For if the English Courts of 
Law hold the testimony of grave-stones from 
the burial-grounds of Protestant dissenters to 
be questionable, even where it is essential in 
proving a descent, I cannot conceive that the 
epitaphial assertions of heathens should be 
esteemed of more authority by any man of 
orthodox sentiments. 

At this moment, happening to cast my eyes 
upon the stone, on which a transverse light 
from my southern window brings out the 
characters with singular distinctness, another 
interpretation has occurred to me, promising 
even more interesting results. I hasten to 
close my letter in order to follow at once the 
clew thus providentially suggested. 

I inclose as usual a contribution from Mr. 
Biglow and remain, 

Gentlemen, with esteem and respect, 
Your Obedient Humble Servant, 
Homer Wilbur, A. M. 



I THANK ye, my friens, for the warmth o' your 

greetin' : 
Ther' 's few airthly blessins but wut 's vain an' 

fleetin' ; 



220 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

But ef ther' is one thet hain't no cracks an* flaws, 
An' is wutli goin' in for, it 's pop'lar applause ; 
It sends ujd the sperits ez lively ez rockets, 
An' I feel it — wal, down to the eend o* my 

pockets. 
Jes' lovin' the people is Canaan in view, 
But it 's Canaan paid quarterly t' hev 'em love 

you; 
It 's a blessin' thet 's breakin' out ollus in fresh_^ 

spots ; 
It 's a-follerin' Moses 'thout losin' the flesh-pots. 
But, Gennlemen, 'scuse me, I ain't such a raw 

cus 
Ez to go luggin' ellerkence into a caucus, — 
Thet is, into one where the call comprehends 
Nut the People in person, but on'y their friends ; 
I 'm so kin' o' used to convincin' the masses 
Of th' edvantage o' bein' self-governin' asses, 
I f orgut thet we 're all o' the sort thet pull wires 
An' arrange for the public their wants an' desires. 
An' thet wut we hed met for wuz jes' to agree 
Wut the People's opinions in futur' should be. 

Now, to come to the nub, we 've ben all disa^?- 

pinted. 
An' our leadin' idees are a kind o' disjinted, — 
Though, fur ez the nateral man could discern. 
Things ough' to ha' took most an oppersite turn. 
But The'ry is jes' like a train on the rail, 
Thet, weather or no, puts her thru without fail, 



THE BTGLOW PAPERS. 221 

While Fac 's the ole stage thet gits sloughed in 

the ruts, 
An' hez to allow for your darned efs an' huts, 
An' so, nut intendin' no pers'nal reflections, 
They don't — don't nut alius, thet is, — make 

connections : 
Sometimes, when it really docs seem thet they 'd 

oughter 
Combine jest ez kindly ez new rum an' water, 
Both '11 be jest ez sot in their ways ez a bagnet, 
Ez otherwise-minded ez th' eends of a magnet. 
An' folks like you 'n me thet ain't ept to be sold, 
Git somehow or 'nother left out in the cold. 

I expected 'fore this, 'thout no gret of a row, 
Jeff D. would ha' ben where A. Lincoln is now, 
With Taney to say 't wuz all legie an' fair, 
An' a jury o' Deemocrats ready to swear 
Thet the ingin o' State g-ut throwed into the ditch 
By the fault o' the North in misplacin' the switch. 
Things wuz ripenin' fust-rate with Buchanan to 

nuss 'em ; 
But the People they would n't be Mexicans, cuss 

'em ! 
Ain't the safeguards o' freedom upsot, 'z you may 

say, 
Ef the right o' rev'lution is took clean away ? 
An' doos n't the right primy-fashy include 
The bein' entitled to nut be subdued ? 
The fact is, we 'd gone for the Union so strong, 



222 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

When Union meant South ollus right an' North 

wrong, 
Thet the people gut fooled into thinkin' it might 
Worry on middlin' wal with the North in the 

right. 
We might ha' ben now jest ez prosp'rous ez 

France, 
Where p'litikle enterprise hez a fair chance, 
An' the people is heppy an' proud et this hour, 
Long ez they hev the votes, to let Nap hev the 

j30wer ; "^ 

But our folks they went an' believed wut we 'd 

told 'em, 
An', the flag once insulted, no mortle could hold 

'em. 
'T wuz provokin' jest when we wuz cert'in to 

win, — 
An' I, for one, wunt trust the masses agin : 
For a people thet knows much ain't fit to be free 
In the self-cockin', back-action style o' J. D. 

I can't believe now but wut half on 't is lies ; 
For who 'd thought the North wuz a-goin' to rise, 
Or take the pervokin'est kin' of a stump, 
'Thout 't wuz sunthin' ez pressin' ez Gabr'el's las' 

trump ? 
Or who 'd ha' supposed, arter sech swell an' blus- 
ter 
'Bout the lick-ary-ten-on-ye fighters they 'd mus- 
ter, 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 223 

Raised by hand on briled lightnin', ez op'lent 'z 

you please 
In a primitive furrest o' femmily-trees, — 
Who 'd ha' thought thet them Southuners ever 

'ud show 
Starns with pedigrees to 'em like tlieirn to the 

foe, 
Or, when the vamosin' come, ever to find 
Nat'ral masters in front an' mean white folks be- 
hind ? 
By ginger, ef I 'd ha' known half I know now, 
When I wuz to Congress, I would n't, I swow, 
Hev let 'em cair on so high-minded an' sarsy, 
'Thout some show o' wut you may call vicy-varsy. 
To be sure, we wuz under a contrac' jes' then 
To be dreffle forbearin' towards Southun men ; 
We hed to go sheers in preservin' the bellance ; 
An' ez they seemed to feel they wuz wastin' their 

tellents 
'Thout some un to kick, 't warn't more 'n proper, 

you know. 
Each should funnish his part; an' sence they 

found the toe. 
An' we wuz n't cherubs — wal, we found the 

buffer. 
For fear thet the Compromise System should 

suffer. 

I wun't say the plan hed n't onpleasant fea- 
turs, — 



224 Tui: ma LOW PArFRs. 

For iiuMi ari' jxM-vorso an' omcasonln' croaturs. 
An' fori>;it thet in this life "t ain't likely to \\c\y- 

Their own prlvit I'ancy shonhl olliis ho caj)pon, — 

Bnt it Avoilvi'il jost e/. snu)oth ez the koy of a 
sal'o. 

An' tho L;iot Union hoarins })layo(l i'vco Uoux all 
chai'o. 

Thoy warn't hard to snit, of thoy hod thoir own 
\vay ; 

An' Ave (thet is, some on us) made the thinj^ 
])ay : 

'T \vu7. a fair t^ivo-an'-take out of Unclo Sam's 
heap ; 

Ef thoy took wut warn't thoirn, wut wo give 
come 07, cheap ; 

The elect gut the otUcos dow^n to tidewaiter, 

The people took skinnin' o/. mild ez a tater, 

Seeniod to choose who Ihoy wanted tu, footed 
the hills. 

An' felt kind o' 'z though thoy wuz havin' thoir 
wills. 

Which kep' 'em ez harmless an' cherilo ez crick- 
ets, 

While all we Invested wuz names on tiie tick- 
ets : 

Wal, ther' 's nothin', for folks fond o' lib'ral con- 
sumption 

Free o' charge, like democ'acy tempered with 
gumption ! 



THE n/fjLow PAPEns. 225 

Now warn't tJici a .syHtorn wul,}) jjalns in prosarv- 

in', 
WPion; Out })(;opl(; found jlritM an' Uiclr fVIonH 

done tlifj narvin', — 
Where tlio many dono all o' tlioir tliinkin' })y 

proxy, 
An' wor(! }>i-onrl on 't f;/ long «;/ 't, wu/ r;hri.st,f;nod 

])(;rn(H;'(',y, — 
Where the few l(;t ijh Hap all o' Vscj'AotnH 

foundationH, 
Kf you fall it reforrnin' witfi pnidenrrf; an' pa- 

tif;nf(;, 
An' w(;r(; vviliin' .icATn nnako-egg should hetch 

with ilif; lOHt, 
Ef you writ " (Jon.stitootional " over tlie nest? 
But it 'h all out o' kilter, ('t wuz too j^ood to 

last,) 
An' all jen' by J. D.'h perceedinf^ too fast; 
Ef he 'd on'y hung on for a month or two more, 
We'd }ia' gut thingH fixed nicer 'n tli(;y lied ben 

b(;fore : 
Afore lie d rawed f>f!" an' l(;f' all in ertn fusion. 
We wu/, safely entrenr;}Kid in the ole Constitoo- 

tion, 
With an outlyin', heavy-gun, casemated fort 
To rake all assailants, — I mean th' S. J. Coui-t. 
Now I never '11 acknowledge fnut ef you sliould 

skin mej 
'T wu'A wise to abandon seeh works to tlie in'my. 
An' let him fin' out thet wut seared him so long, 



2*26 THE BIGLOW FAPERS. 

Our whole line of argyments, lookin' so strong, 
All our Seriptur' an' hiw, evevy tlie'ry an' fac' 
AVuz Quaker-guns daubed with Pro-slavery black. 
"Why, ef the Republicans ever should git 
Andy Johnson or some one to leuil *eui the wit 
An' the spunk jes' to mount Constitootion an' 

Court 
With Columbiad guns, your real ekle-rights sort, 
Or drill out the spike from the ole Declaration 
Thet can kerry a solid shot clearn roun' creation, 
We 'd better take maysures for shettin' uj) shop, 
An' put oft' our stock by a vendoo or swop. 

But they wun't never dare tu ; you '11 see 'em in 

Edom 
'Fore they ventur' to go where their doctrines 

'ud lead 'em : 
They 've ben takin' our princerples up ez we 

dropt 'em. 
An' thought it wuz terrible 'cute to adopt 'em ; 
But they '11 fin' out 'fore long thet their hope 's 

ben deceivin' 'em. 
An' thet princerples ain't o' no good, ef you 

b'lieve in 'em ; 
It makes 'em tu stiff for a party to use. 
Where they 'd ough' to be easy 'z an ole pair o* 

shoes. 
If we say 'n our pletform thet all men are broth- 
ers. 
We don't mean thet some folks ain't, more so 'n 

some others ; 



77/ A- /i/GLOW FAPEIifi. 227 

An' it 's wal understood thot we make a selec- 

tiori, 
An' tlict Iji-otlierliood kin' o' subsides arter 'lec- 
tion. 
The fust thing for sound politicians to lam is, 
Thet Truth, to dror kindly in all sorts o' harness, 
Mus' be kep' in the abstract, — for, come to ap- 

pJy it, 

You 're ept to hurt some folks's interists by it. 
Wal, these 'ere Republicans (some on 'em) acts 
Ez though gineral niexims 'ud suit speshle facts ; 
An' there 's where we '11 nick 'em, there 's where 

they '11 be lost : 
For applyin' your princerple 's wut makes it cost, 
An' folks don't want Fourth o' July t' interfere 
With the buslness-consarns o' the rest o' the 

year, 
No more 'n they want Sunday to pry an' to peek 
Into wut they are doin' the rest o' the week. 

A glnooine statesman should be on his guard, 
Ef he mufit hev beliefs, nut to b'lieve 'em tu 

hard ; 
For, ez sure ez he does, he '11 be blartin 'em out 
'Thout regardin' the natur' o' man more 'n a 

spout, 
Nor it don't ask much gumption to pick out a 

flaw 
In a party whose leaders are loose in the jaw ; 
An' so in our own case I ventur' to hint 



228 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Thet we 'd better nut air our perceedins in print, 
Nor 23ass resserlootions ez long ez your arm 
Thet may, ez things heppen to turn, do us harm ; 
For when you 've done all your real meanin' to 

smother. 
The darned things '11 up an' mean sunthin' or 

'nother. 
Jeff 'son prob'ly meant wal with his " born free 

an' ekle," 
But it 's turned out a real crooked stick in the 

sekle ; 
It 's taken full eighty-odd year — don't you 

see ? — 
From the pop'lar belief to root out thet idee. 
An', arter all, suckers on 't keep buddin' forth 
In the nat'Uy onprincipled mind o' the North. 
No, never say nothin' without you 're compelled 

tu. 
An' then don't say nothin' thet you can be held 

tu, 
Nor don't leave no friction-idees layin' loose 
For the ign'ant to put to incend'ary use. 

You know I 'm a feller thet keeps a skinned eye 

On the leetle events thet go skurryin' by, 

Coz it 's of 'ner by them than by gret ones you '11 

see 
Wut the p'litickle weather is likely to be. 
Now I don't think the South 's more 'n begun to 

be licked, 



TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 229 

But I du think, ez Jeff says, the wind-bag 's gut 

pricked ; 
It 11 blow for a spell an' keep puffin' an' wheez- 

in', 
The tighter our army an' navy keep squeezin', — 
For they can't help spread-eaglein' long 'z ther' 's 

a mouth 
To blow Enfield's Speaker thru lef at the South. 
But it 's high time for us to be settin' our faces 
Towards reconstructing the national basis, 
With an eye to beginnin' agin on the jolly ticks 
We used to chalk up 'hind the back-door o' poli- 
tics ; 
An' the fus' thing 's to save wut of Slav'ry 

ther' 's lef 
Arter this (I mus' call it) imprudence o' Jeff : 
For a real good Abuse, with its roots fur an' 

wide. 
Is the kin' o' thing / like to hev on my side ; 
A Scriptur' name makes it ez sweet ez a rose, 
An' its tougher the older an' uglier it grows — 
(I ain't speakin' now o' the righteousness of it, 
But the p'litickle purchase it gives an' the profit.) 

Things look pooty squally, it must be allowed. 
An' I don't see much signs of a bow in the 

cloud : 
Ther' 's too many Deemocrats — leaders, wut 's 

wuss — 
That go for the Union 'thout carin' a cuss 



230 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Ef it helps ary party thet ever wuz heard on, 
So our eagle ain't made a split Austrian bird on. 
But ther' 's still some consarvative signs to be 

found 
Thet shows the gret heart o' the People is sound : 
(Excuse me for usin' a stump-phrase agin, 
But, once in the way on 't, they ivill stick like 

sin :) 
There 's Phillips, for instance, hez jes' ketched a 

Tartar 
In the Law-'n'-Order Party of ole Cincinnater ; 
An' the Compromise System ain't gone out o' 

reach. 
Long 'z you keep the right limits on freedom o' 

speech. 
'T warn't none too late, neither, to put on the 

For he 's dangerous now he goes in for the flag. 
Nut thet I altogether approve o' bad eggs, 
They 're mos' gin'lly argymunt on its las' legs, — 
An' their logic is ept to be tu indiscriminate. 
Nor don't ollus wait the right objecs to liminate ; 
But there is a variety on 'em, you '11 find, 
Jest ez usefle an' more, besides bein refined, — 
I mean o' the sort thet are laid by the diction- 
ary, 
Sech ez soi)hIsms an' cant, thet '11 kerry convic- 
tion ary 
Way thet you want to the right class o' men, 
An' are staler than all 't ever come from a hen : 



TJIK liKJLOW PArERS. 231 

" Disunion " done wal till our resh Southun 

friends 
Took the savor all out on 't for national ends ; 
But I guess " Al)olition " '11 work a sj)ell yit, 
When the war 's done, an' so will " Forgive-an' 

forgit." 
Times mus' ])e j)ooty thoroughly out o' all jint, 
Ef we can't make a good constitootional pint ; 
An' the good time '11 come to be grindin' our exes, 
When the war goes to seed in the nettle o' texes : 
Ef Jon'than don't squirm, with sech helps to as- 
sist him, 
I give up my faith in the free-suffrage system ; 
Democ'cy wun't be nut a might interestin', 
Nor p'litikle caj)ital much wuth investin' ; 
An' my notion is to keep dark an' lay low 
Till we see the right minute to put in our 
blow. — 

But I 've talked longer now 'n I lied any idee, 
An' ther' 's others you want to hear more 'n you 

du me ; 
So I '11 set down an' give thet 'ere bottle a skrim- 

mage. 
For I 've spoke till I 'm dry ez a real graven 

image. 



No. VI. 
SUNTHIN' IN THE PASTORAL LINE. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, 17th May, 1862. 

Gentlemen, — At the special request o£ 
Mr. Biglow, I intended to enclose, together 
with his own contribution, (into which, at 
my suggestion, he has thrown a little more 
of pastoral sentiment than usual,) some 
passages from my sermon on the day of the 
National Fast, from the text, " Remember 
them that are in bonds, as bound with 
them," Heb. xiii. 3. But I have not leisure 
sufficient at present for the copying of them, 
even were I altogether satisfied with the 
production as it stands. I should prefer, I 
confess, to contribute the entire discourse to 
the pages of your respectable miscellany, if 
it should be found acceptable upon perusal, 
especially as I find the difficulty of selection 
of greater magnitude than I had anticipated. 
What passes without challenge in the fervor 
of oral delivery, cannot always stand the 



TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 233 

colder criticism of the closet. I am not so 
great an enemy of Eloquence as my friend 
Mr. Bigiow would appear to be from some 
passages in his contribution for the current 
month. I would not, indeed, hastily sus- 
pect him of covertly glancing at myself in 
his somewhat caustic animadversions, albeit 
some of the phrases he girds at are not 
entire strangers to my li^DS. I am a more 
hearty admirer of the Puritans than seems 
now to be the fashion, and believe that, if 
they Hebraized a little too much in their 
speech, they showed remarkable practical 
sagacity as statesmen and founders. But 
such Phenomena as Puritanism are the 
results rather of great religious than merely 
social convulsions, and do not long survive 
them. So soon as an earnest conviction has 
cooled into a phrase, its work is over, and 
the best that can be done with it is to bury 
it. /(^e, missa est. I am inclined to agree 
with Mr. Bigiow that we cannot settle the 
great political questions which are now pre- 
senting themselves to the nation by the opin- 
ions of Jeremiah or Ezekiel as to the wants 
and duties of the Jews in their time, nor do 
I believe that an entire community with their 
feelings and views would be practicable or 



234 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

even agreeable at the present day. At the 
same time I could wish that their habit of 
subordinating the actual to the moral, the 
flesh to the spirit, and this world to the other, 
were more common. They had found out, 
at least, the great military secret that soul 
weighs more than body. — But I am sud- 
denly called to a sick-bed in the household 
of a valued parishioner. 

With esteem and respect, 

Your obedient servant. 

Homer Wilbur. 

Once git a smell o' musk into a draw, 
An' it clings hold like precerdents in law : 
Your gra'ma'am put it there, — when, goodness 

knows, — 
To jes' this-worldify her Sunday-clo'es ; 
But the old chist wun't sarve her gran'son's wife, 
(For, 'thout new f unnitoor, wut good in life ?) 
An' so ole clawfoot, from the precinks dread 
0' the spare chamber, slinks into the shed, 
Where, dim with dust, it fust or last subsides 
To holdin' seeds an' fifty things besides ; 
But better days stick fast in heart an' husk, 
An' all you keep in 't gits a scent o' musk. 

Jes' so with poets : wut they 've airly read 
Gits kind 'o worked into their heart an' head, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 235 

So 's 't they can't seem to write but jest on sheers 
With furrin countries or played-out ideers, 
Nor hev a feeUn', ef it doos n't smack 
O' wut some critter chose to feel 'way back : 
This makes 'em talk o' daisies, larks, an' things, 
Ez though we 'd nothin' here that blows an' 

sings, — 
(Why, I 'd give more for one live bobolink 
Than a square mile o' larks in printer's ink,) — 
This makes 'em think our fust o' May is May, 
Which 't ain't, for all the almanicks can say. 

little city-gals, don't never go it 
Blind on the word o' noospaper or poet ! 
They 're apt to puff, an' May-day seldom looks 
Up in the country ez it doos in books ; 

They 're no more like than hornets'- nests an' 

hives, 
Or printed sarmons be to holy lives. 
I, with my trouses perched on cow-hide boots, 
Tuggin' my foundered feet out by the roots, 
Hev seen ye come to fling on April's hearse 
Your muslin nosegays from the milliner's, 
Puzzlin' to find dry ground your queen to choose. 
An' dance your throats sore in morocker shoes : 

1 've seen ye an' felt proud, thet, come wut 

would, 
Our Pilgrim stock wuz pithed with hardihood. 
Pleasure doos make us Yankees kind o' winch, 
Ez though 't wuz sunthin' paid for by the inch ; 



236 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

But yit we du contrive to worry thru, 
Ef Dooty tells us thet the thing 's to du, 
An' kerry a hollerday, ef we set out, 
Ez stiddily ez though 't wuz a redoubt. 

I, country-born an' bred, know where to find 
Some blooms thet make the season suit the 

mind, 
An' seem to metch the doubtin' bluebird's 

notes, — 
Half-vent'rin' liverworts in furry coats, 
Bloodroots, whose roUed-up leaves ef you oncurl. 
Each on 'em 's cradle to a baby-pearl, — 
But these are jes' Spring's pickets ; sure ez sin, 
The rebble frosts '11 try to drive 'em in ; 
For half our May 's so awfully like May n't, 
'T would rile a Shaker or an evrige saint ; 
Though I own up I like our back'ard springs 
Thet kind o' haggle with their greens an' things, 
An' when you 'most give up, 'ithout more words 
Toss the fields full o' blossoms, leaves, an' birds : 
Thet 's Northun natur', slow an' apt to doubt. 
But when it doos git stirred, ther' 's no gin-out ! 

Fust come the blackbirds clatt'rin' in tall trees. 
An' settlin' things in windy Congresses, — 
Queer politicians, though, for I '11 be skinned 
Ef all on 'em don't head against the wind. 
'Fore long the trees begin to show belief, — 
The maple crimsons to a coral-reef. 



TEE BIG LOW PAPERS. 237 

Then saffern swarms swing ofE from all the willers 
So plump they look like yaller caterpillars, 
Then gray hossches'nuts leetle hands unfold 
Softer 'n a baby's be at three days old : 
Thet 's robin-redbreast's almanick ; he knows 
Thet arter this ther' 's only blossom-snows ; 
So, choosin' out a handy crotch an' spouse, 
He goes to plast'rin' his adobe house. 

Then seems to come a hitch, — things lag behind. 
Till some fine mornin' Spring makes up her 

mind, 
An' ez, when snow-swelled rivers cresh their 

dams 
Heaped-up with ice thet dovetails in an' jams, 
A leak comes spirtin' thru some pin-hole cleft, 
Grows stronger, fercer, tears out right an' left. 
Then all the waters bow themselves an' come, 
Suddin, in one gret slope o' shedderin' foam, 
Jes' so our Spring gits everythin' in tune 
An' gives one leap from April into June : 
Then all comes crowdin' in ; afore you think. 
Young oak-leaves mist the side-hill woods with 

pink ; 
The catbird in the laylock-bush is loud ; 
The orchards turn to heaps o' rosy cloud ; 
Red-cedars blossom tu, though few folks know it, 
An' look all dipt in sunshine like a poet ; 
The lime-trees pile their solid stacks o' shade 
An' drows'ly simmer with the bees' sweet trade ; 



»2oS nn: BiaLOir pafees. 

In ellum-jihrouds the flashiu' hangbinl oling-s. 
An' for the sunuuov vv*i;o his hannnook slings; 
All down the loose-wallod lanes in archin' bow- 
ers 
The barb'ry ilroops iUs strings o* golden tlowers. 
^Vhose shrinkin' hearts tiie sehool-gals love to try 
AVlth pins, — thev *11 worry yourn so. boys, 

blnv^by ! 
l>ut 1 don't love yonr eat'logne style, — do 

yon : — 
E/. ef to sell otY Natnr' by vendoo ; 
One word with blood in 't 's twiee ez good ez 

two: 
'NntY sod, Jane's bridesman, poet o' the year. 
Gladness on wings, the bobolink, is here ; 
Half-hid in tip-top apple-blooms he swings. 
Or climbs aginst the breeze with qniverin' wings, 
Or, givin' way to 't in a moek despair, 
Rnns down, a brook o' laughter, thru the air. 

I oUus feel the sap start in my veins 

In Spring, with enrus heats an' priekly pains, 

Thet drive me, wlien I git a ehanee, to walk 

OtY by myself to hev a privit talk 

AVith a queer critter thet can't seem to 'gree 

Along o' me like most folks, — Mister Me. 

Ther' 's times when 1 *m nnsoshle ez a stone. 

An' sort o' sutfocate to be alone. — 

I 'm crowded jes' to think thet folks are nigh, 

An' can't bear notliin' closer tlian the sky ; 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 239 

Now the wind 's full ez shifty in the mind 
Ez wut it is ou'-doors, ef I ain't blind, 
An' sometimes, in the fairest sou'west weather. 
My innard vane pints east for weeks together, 
My natur' gits all goose-flesh, an' my sins 
Come di'izzlin' on my conscience shai-p ez pins : 
Wal, et sech times I jes' slip out o' sight 
An' take it out in a fair stan'-up fight 
With the one cuss I can't lay on the shelf. 
The crook'dest stick in all the heap, — Myself. 

'T wuz so las' Sabbath arter meetin'-time : 

Findin' my feelin's would n't noways rhyme 

With nobody's, but off the hendle flew 

An' took things from an east-wind pint o' view, 

I started off to lose me in the hills 

Where the pines be, up back o' 'Siah's Mills : 

Pines, ef you 're blue, are the best friends I 

know, 
They mope an' sigh an' sheer your feelin's so, — 
They hesh the ground beneath so, tu, I swan, 
You half-forgit you 've gut a body on. 
Ther' 's a small school'us' there where four roads 

meet, 
The door-steps hollered out by little feet, 
An' side-posts carved with names whose owners 

grew 
To gret men, some on 'em, an' deacons, tu ; 
'T ain't used no longer, coz the town hez gut 
A high-school, where they teach the Lord knows 

wut : 



240 Tin: nnu.ow papkrs. 

Throo-ston laniin' 's po|)'hn' wow ; I i;iioss 

Wo tliriv' o/. wal on jos' two storios leSvS, 

For it vslrlkos mo thor' \s sooli a \\\\\v^ o/, sinnin' 

l>v ovorloailUr oluUlron\s mulorplnnin" . 

AVal. lioro it wii/ 1 larnod luy A \\ C, 

All' it 's alviiul o' favorite spot with me. 

We 're cunis orittors : Now ain't jos' the minute 

Thet over fits us easy while wo 'n^ in it ; 

Lono- o/. "t wn/. t'nlur". '1 wouKi lu' piM-i'oot bliss, — 

Soon 07. it 's past, thrt time 's wnth ton o' this; 

An' yit there ain't a nnm thot need he toUl 

Thet Now 's the only bird hiys 0|4i;s o' s;t>ld. 

A knee-hii;h lad, I used to ]»lot an' plan 

An' think 't wiiz life's eap-shoaf to bo a man; 

Now gittin' gray, there 's nothin* I enjoy 

Like droamin' baek ah)no- into a boy : 

So the ole sehoorus' is a phvee I ehoose 

Afore all others, of 1 want to nuise ; 

I set down where I nsod to set, an' git 

My boyhood baek, an' better thino's with it, — 

Faith, Hope, an' sunthin', of it is n't Clierrity, 

It 's want o' guile, an' tliet 's ez grot a rerrity. 

Now, 'foi'e I knowed, thet Sabbath artornoon 
Thet I sot out to trani}> myself in tune, 
I found mo in the sehooVus' on my seat, 
Dnunmin' the mareh to No-wheres with my feet, 
riiinkin' o' nothin', I *vi> hoord ole folks say, 
Is a hard kind o' dootv in its way : 



77//'; iii<nj)W i'Ai'i:iiH. 241 

It 'h Uiinkin' r;v(;ryUiin' yf)U (;vor knf;w, 

Or cv(;r Jicarn, U> niako your loclirrH IjIuc. 

I Hot Uif;rc try in' th<;t on for a Hpcll : 

1 thoii^lit o' the KclMillion, tJi<;n o' IIr;]l, 

Which Home folkH tell ye now in jent a rnet,f,(;ifor 

(A f,he'r-y, |j'r,'j,jjH, it wiin't fncL none tlie [jeller 

iorj ; 
I tlioijj^ht o' ItecoriHtruetion, wut we M win 
Pateliin' our patent He]f-l>low-Uf> a^in : 
I tlif>uf^lit ef thin 'er(j milk in' o' tlie wits, 
So much a rrifuith, war-n't ^vin' Natur' fitn, — 
\'A folkn warn't (Jruv, find in' \\\(.\v own milk fail, 
To wor-k the (;r>w thet he/, an iron tail, 
Jn' ef i(JceH 'thout ripenin' in the pan 
VVouifJ Hend u[) er(;am to luirnor ary man : 
Ffom this tr> thet I let my worryin' er-eej>, 
Till finally I rniist ha' fell asleep. 

Ourlivr;Hin sleep are some like Htrearns tliet glide 
'Twixt fiesli an' Hporrit hound in' on eaefi side, 
Where hoth Hfiores' shadder.s kind o' mix an* 

minfj;le 
In Huntfiin' tfi(;t ain't jes' like (;ither single; 
An' wlien you east off rnoorin'H from 'I'o-flay, 
An' df>wn towardH 'JVrnoner drift away, 
'i'lie iniigeH thet tengle on the stream 
Make a new upHide-ilown'ard world o' dream : 
SometimeH they weem like sunrise-streaks an' 

wjirnin's 
O' wut '11 he in Heaven on Sabhath-inornin'H, 



l!4*2 77//; BiaLow iwrrKS. 

An', luixoil riolil in o/. ot* jost owl o* spite* 
Sunthin* (liot says your siippor ixin't gDno right. 
1 'm grol i>n ilroanis, an' ofton, wlicn I wake, 
I 'vo livoil so nuu'li it makos nu nuMn'ry ache, 
An' oan't skuivo take a oat-nap in my olioor 
'Thout hovin' 'om, some good, some bad, all 
queer. 

Now T WW/, sotlin' where 1 W ben, it seemed, 
An' ain't snre vit whether I r'ally dreamed, 
Nor. ef 1 (lid, how K>ng I nii<;bt ha' sh^p'. 
When 1 liearn some nn stompin' up the step, 
An" lookin' ronntl, ef two an' two make four, 
I see a Pilgrim Kathor in the doov. 
He wore a. steepU^-hat, tall boots, an' spurs 
With rowels to 'em big e/. clios'nnt burrs. 
An' his gret sword behind him slopetl away 
Long 'z a man's speech thet dunno wut to say. — 
" Ef your n.auu^ 's Higlow. an' your given-name 
Ilosee," sez he, " it 's arter you 1 came : 
I 'm your gret-gran'tlier nmltiplied by three." — 
" INIy inif ? " sez I. — '* Your gret-grot-gret," 

sez he : 
" You would n"t ha' noviM- ben hero but for me. 

"Two hundred an' throe year ago this INIay 
The ship I I'ome in sailoil up l>ostt>n l^ay ; 
1 d been a enuule in our Civil War, — 
But wut on airth hev i/ou gut uj) one for? 
Coz we du things in Knglaml, 't ain't for vou 



Till'] fiffJIJjW I'M'I'lltH. 243 

To ^it, a notion yoti can du 'orn tjj : 

1 'm told you wriU; in pu}>Iif; prints : f;f' tnjf;, 

It'H natoral you HlioulfJ l<now a t}ii/jj( or two." — 

" 'V\\t'\, air 'h an ar^^yrniint 1 can't cndor.Hf;, — 

"J' would prove, CO/ you wear HpurK, you kcp' a 

hoi'HO : 
For hrainH," ho/ I, " wut^^vcr yo(j may tliink, 
Ain't boun' to canli tho drafw o' j^cn-an'-ink, — 
'I'hough hioh' folkH write cz cf th'^y Ijoj^ed jcn' 

<juick<',riin' 
'i'lie cJmr-n would :iti/<><> Hkirn-rnllk into tliifkenin' ; 
Hut Hkini-rniik ain't a tfiinj^ U) change itH view 
O' wut it 'h meant for more 'n a Hmoky flue. 
Hut (In pray tell nn;, 'forr; we furder go, 
J low in all Natiir' difl you (tome to know 
'Hout our afTairn," He/. I, " in Kingdom-(Jome ? " — 
" Wal, 1 worked rf>und at Hj)errit>-rappin' Home, 
An' danc(;d the, tatdcH till tlieir l(;g8 wuz gone, 
Jn liopcK o' larnin' wut wuz goin' on," 
Se/ he, " hut mejumH lie ho like all-Hplit 
'J'het I concluded it wu/ hent to fjuit. 
liut, come now, ef you wun't confenH to knowin', 
You've Kornf! con jef;tur(;H how tlie tiling 'h a-go- 

in'." — 
" Gran'ther," hc/a I, "a varx; warn't never known 
Nor anked to h(?v a jedgment of its own ; 
An' yit, ef 't ain't gut ruHty in the jintn. 
It 'h Hafe to triiHt itH nay on certin pintH : 
It known the wind'n ojjiniorjH to a T, 
All' the wind bettloH wut the weather '11 be." 



244 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

" I never thoiiglit u scion of our stock 

Could grow the wood to make a weathercock ; 

When I wuz younger 'n you, skurce more 'n a 

shaver, 
No airthly wind," sez he, '• could make me 

waver I " 
(Ez he said this, he clinched his jaw an' fore- 
head, 
Hitchin' his belt to bring his sword-hilt for- 

rard.) — 
*' Jes' so it wuz with me," sez I, " I swow, 
When / wuz younger 'n wut you see me now, — 
Nothin' from Adam's fall to Huldy's bonnet, 
Thet I warn't full-cocked with my jedgment on 

it; 
But now I'm gittin' on in life, I find 
It 's a sight harder to make up my mind, — 
Nor I don't often try tu, when events 
Will du it for me free of all expense. 
The moral question 's oUus plain enough, — 
It 's jes' the human-natur' side thet 's tough ; 
AVut 's best to think may n't puzzle me nor 

you, — 
The pinch comes in decidin' M'ut to du ; 
Ef you read History, all runs smooth ez grease, 
Coz there the men ain't nothin' more 'n idees, — 
But come to make it, ez we must to-day, 
Th' idees hev arms an' legs an' stop the way : 
It 's easy fixin tilings in facts an' figgers, — 
They can't resist, nor warn't brought up with 

nig^gers ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 245 

But come to try your the'ry on, — why, then 
Your facts an' figgers change to ign'ant men 
Actin' ez ugly " — " Smite 'em Inp an' tliigh ! " 
Sez gran'ther, " and let every man-child die ! 
Oh for three weeks o' Crommle an' the Lord ! 
Up, Isr'el, to your tents an' grind the sword ! " — 
" Thet kind o' thing worked wal in olo Judee, 
But you forgit how long it 's ben A. D. ; 
You think thet 's ellerkence, I call it shoddy, — 
A thing," sez I, " wun't cover soul nor body ; 
I like the plain all-wool o' common-sense, 
Thet warms ye now, an' will a twelvemonth 

hence. 
You took to follerin' where the Prophets beck- 
oned. 
An', fust you knowed on, back come Charles the 

Second ; 
Now wut I want 's to hev all we gain stick, 
An* not to start Millennium too quick ; 
We hain't to punish only, but to keep, 
An' the cure 's gut to go a cent'ry deep." 
" Wal, milk-an' water ain't the best o' glue," 
Sez he, " an' so you '11 find before you 're thru ; 
Ef reshness venters sunthin', shilly-shally 
Loses ez often wut 's ten times the vally. 
Thet exe of ourn, when Charles's neck gut split. 
Opened a gap thet ain't bridged over yit : 
Slav'ry 's your Charles, the Lord hez gin the 

exe " — 
"Our Charles," sez I, "hez gut eight million 
necks. 



24G riiK BicLOW papers. 

The li:u*dest question ain't the Mack man's right. 
The trouble is to 'nianoipato tlie white ; 
One *s ehainoJ in body an' can be sot free. 
But t' other 's chained in soul to an idee : 
It 's a h)ng job, but we shall worry thru it ; 
Ef bag'nets fail, the spellin'-book nuist du it." 
*' Hosee," sez he, " I tliink you 're goin' to fail : 
The rettlesnake ain't dangerous in the tail : 
This 'ere rebellion 's nothin' but the rettle, — 
You'll stomp on tliet an' think you *ve won the 

bettle ; 
It's Slavery tliet's the fangs an' thinkin' head. 
An' ef you want solvation, cresh it dead, — 
An' cresh it suddin, or you 'II larn by waitin' 
Thet Chance wun't stop to listen to debatin' ! " — 
" God's truth ! " sez I, — " an' ef / held the club, 
An' knowed jes' where to strike, — but there 's 

the rub ! " — 
*' Strike soon," sez he, " or you '11 be deadly 

ailin', — 
Folks thet 's afeared to fail ai*e sure o' failin' ; 
God hates your sneakin' creturs tliet believe 
He '11 settle things they run away an' leave ! " 
He brought his foot down fercely, ez he spoke, 
An' give me sech a startle thet 1 woke. 



No. VII. 
LATEST VIEWS OF MR. BIGLOW. 

PRELIMINARY NOTIO. 

[It in with feelings oi tin; liveliont pain 
that wo inform our readers of the dc^ath of 
the Reverend Homer Wilbur, A. M., which 
took place Kuddenly, by an apoi)lectic stroke, 
on the afternoon of Cliristrnas day, 1802. 
CJur venerjible friend (for so wc may ven- 
ture to call him, though we nev(;r enjoyed 
the high privilege of his personal acquaint- 
an(;(}; was in his eighty-fourth year, having 
been l)orn June 12, 1779, at Pigsgusset 
Precinct (now West Jfjrusha^ in the then 
District of Maincj. Graduated with distinc- 
tion at I luliville College in 1805, he pursued 
his theological studies with the late Rev- 
erend Pre8(;rved Thacker, i). I)., and was 
called to the char'ge of the First So(;i(;ty in 
Jaalani in 1809, where he remained till his 
death. 

" As an antiquary he has probably left no 



248 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

superior, if, indeed, an equal," writes his 
friend and colleague, the Reverend Jeduthun 
Hitchcock, to whom we are indebted for 
the above facts ; " in proof of which I need 
only allude to his ' History of Jaalam, Gene- 
alogical, Topogia})hical, and Ecclesiastical,' 
1849, which has won him an eminent and 
enduring place in our more solid and useful 
literature. It is only to be regretted that 
his intense ap])lication to historical studies 
should have so entirely withdrawn him from 
the ])ursuit of i)oetical composition, for 
whicli he was endowed by Nature with a re- 
markable a])titude. His well-known hymn, 
beginning, ' With clouds of care encompassed 
round,' has been attributed in some collec- 
tions to the late President Dwight, and it 
is hardly presumptuous to affirm that the 
simile of the rainbow in the eighth stanza 
would do no discredit to that polished pen." 
We regret that we have not room at pres- 
ent for the whole of Mr. Hitchcock's exceed- 
ingly valuable communication. We hope to 
lay more liberal extracts from it before our 
readers at an early day. A summary of its 
contents will give some notion of its im- 
portance and interest. It contains : 1st, A 
biographical sketch of Mr. Wilbur, with 



THE BIG LOW PAP Kits. 249 

notices of his predecessors in the pastoral 
office, and of eminent clerical contempora- 
ries ; 2d, An obituary of deceased, from the 
Punkin-Falls "Weekly Parallel;" 3d, A 
list of his printed and manuscript produc- 
tions and of projected works ; 4th, Personal 
anecdotes and recollections, with specimens 
of table-talk ; 5th, A tribute to his relict, 
Mrs. Dorcas (Pilcox) Wilbur; 6th, A list 
of graduates fitted for different colleges by 
Mr. Wilbur, with biographical memoranda 
touching the more distinguished ; 7th, Con- 
cerning learned, charitable, and other socie- 
ties, of which Mr. Wilbur was a member, 
and of those with which, had his life been 
prolonged, he would doubtless have been as- 
sociated, with a complete catalogue of such 
Americans as have been Fellows of the 
Royal Society ; 8th, A brief summary of 
Mr. Wilbur's latest conclusions concerning 
the Tenth Horn of the Beast in its special 
application to recent events, for which the 
public, as Mr. Hitchcock assures us, have 
been waiting with feelings of lively anticipa- 
tion ; 10th, Mr. Hitchcock's own views on 
the same topic ; and, 11th, A brief essay on 
the importance of local histories. It will be 
apparent that the duty of preparing Mr. 



250 Till': uiaLow J'apkr.s. 

Wilbur's biograpliy could not have fallen 
into more syin]):itliotl(! IkukIh. 

In ;i privates Ivttcv witli which the reverend 
gentleman has since favored us, he expresses 
the ()])iin()n tliat Mi-. Wilbur's lif(» was short- 
ened by our unliai)i)y civil war. It disturbed 
his studies, dislocated all his habitual associ- 
ations and trains of th()n<;ht, and unsettled 
the foundations of a faith, rather the result 
of habit than conviction, in the capacity of 
man for self-«;*overnnu^nt. ^' Such has been 
the felicity of my life," he said to Mr. 
Ilitclicock, on the very morning of the day 
he died, "tliat, through the divine mercy, I 
could always say /Sfnnmum nee metuo dlcm, 
nee opto. It has been my habit, as you 
know, on every recurrencH^ of this blessed 
anniversary, to read Milton's Hymn of the 
Nativity till its sublinu) harmonies so dilated 
my soul and quickened its spiritual sense 
that I seemed to hear tliat other song which 
gave assnranci^ to the shepherds that there 
was One who would lead them also in green 
pastui'cs and beside the still waters. I hit to- 
day 1 have been unable to think of anything 
but that mournful text, ^ 1 came not to send 
peace, but a sword,' and, did it not smack 
of pagan presumptuousness, could almost 
wish 1 had never lived to see this day." 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 251 

Mr. Hitchcock also informs us that his 
friend " licH buricul in th(; Jaalarn f^ravciyanl, 
under a hir^e red-cedar which he specjiaJly 
admired. A neat and substantial monument 
is to be er(!cted over his reniairiH, with a 
Latin ei)itaph written by himseif; for he 
was accustomed to say, jdeaHantly, ' tliat 
there was at least one occjasion in a scholar's 
life when he might show the advanta^^cs of 
a classical training.' " 

The following fragment of a letter ad- 
dressed to us, and apparently intended to 
accompany Mr. Higlow's contribution to the 
present number, was found u])on liis table 
after his decease. — EDiTOits Atlantic 
Monthly.] 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTTfLY. 

Jaai.am, 21 (li Doc, 1802. 

Respected Sirs, — The infirm state of 
my bodily licalth would be a sufficient apol- 
ogy for not taking up the pen at this time, 
wholesome as 1 de(;m it for the mind to a])ri- 
cate in the shelter oF (Epistolary confiden(;e, 
were it not that a considerable, I might even 
say a large, number of individuals in this 
parish expect from their 2)astor some pub- 



252 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

lie expression of sentiment at this erisis. 
Moreover, Qui taci((t,'< arih't mai/is nritut*. 
In trying times like these, the besetting sin 
of nndiseiplineii minds is to seek refngo 
from inexplieable realities in the dangerons 
stimulant of angry partisanshij) or the indo- 
lent nareotie of vague and hopeful vatici- 
nation : fo)'tinia))iquc suo tcmpcrat arhltno. 
Both by reason of my age and my natural 
temperament, 1 am unfitted for either. Un- 
able to penetrate the inserutable judgments of 
God, I am more than even thankful that my 
life has been prolonged till I could in some 
small measure comprehend His mercy% As 
there is no man who does not at some time 
render himself amenable to the one, — quuin 
vix Justus sit sccurus, — so there is none 
that does not feel himself in daily need of 
the other. 

I confess, I cannot feel, as some do, a per- 
sonal consolation for the manifest evils of 
this war in any remote or contingent advan- 
tages that may spring from it. I am old 
and weak, I can bear little, and can scarce 
hope to see better days ; nor is it any ade- 
quate compensation to know that Nature is 
old and strong and can bear much. Old 
men philosophize over the past, but the pre- 



77/ A' lil<;lJ)W I'Al'F.liH. 253 

sent is only a burthen an<l a wcarine.sH. Tho 
one llfjH befor(} tliern like a pla(;id evening 
lan(lHcaj)e ; tli(; otlier is fnJl of tlie v<txatJon.s 
and anxieties of houHokeeping. It may }>e 
true enough that raiticM lupr. UHh^ 'jtr()ldh<'.t- 
f/ne (JlofJi/) /(/rlMnam Htarc^ but he who said 
it was fain at last to call in AtropoH with 
her Hhear.s b(;fore her time ; and I cannot 
help Hclfinhly mourning that the fortune of 
our Kepublic could not at least stand till my 
days werci numbered. 

Tibullus would find the origin of wars in 
the gr(;at exaggeration of riches, and does 
not sti(jk to say tliat \n the days of the 
beec^hen trencher there was peace. But 
averse as I am by nature from all wars, the 
more as they have been especially fatal to 
libraries, 1 woidd have this on(; go on till we 
are redu(;ed to woo(l(;n j)latterH again, rather 
than surrender the principle to defend which 
it was undertaken. Though I believe Slav- 
ery to have been the cause of it, by so thor- 
oughly demoralizing Northern politics for 
its own purposes as to give; opportunity and 
hope to treason, yet I would not have our 
thought and purpose diver-ted from their 
true object, — the maintenance of the idea 
of Government. We are not merely sup- 



254 riiF. ma LOW j'Ari:ns. 

pressing an cnonnous riot, but contending 
for the possibility of ])crniiinent order co- 
oxistinjjj with (KMuocratlcal licUloncss ; and 
\vl»iU> 1 would not supor.stitiously venerate 
form to the sacrifice of substance, neither 
would I forj^et that an adherence to prece- 
d(Mit and pn»s(Mi]>tion can alone give that 
coulinuily and coherence under a deniocrat- 
ical constitution which are inlierent in the 
person of a dt^spotic monarch and the sel- 
fishness of an aristocratlcal chiss. Sfcf pro 
nrfio/ic ro/unfas Is as dangerous in a major- 
ity as in a tyiaul. 

1 cannot allow (he present ])roduction of 
myyoiini;- friend to go out without a protest 
from n\e against a ctMtaiu extrenu^ui^ss in his 
views, nu)re }>anh)ual)le in the poet than the 
philosopher. While 1 agree with him, that 
the only cure for rebellion is suj^pression by 
force, yet I must animadvert upon certain 
phrases where T seem to see a coincidence 
with a }>opular fallacy en the subject of com- 
promise. On the one hand there are those 
who ilo not see that tiie vital })riuciple of 
(lOverunuMit and tlu^ siMuinal principle of 
Law cannot pro[>tMly be made a subject of 
comj>ronuse at all, and on the other those 
who are equally blind to the truth that witli- 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 255 

out a compromise of individual opinions, in- 
terests, and even riglits, no society would be 
possible. In medio tutissimus. For my 
own part, I would gladly 



Ef I a song or two could make, 

Like rockets druv by their own burnin', 
All leaj) an' light, to leave a wake 

Men's hearts an' faces skyward turnin' ! — 
But, it strikes me, 't ain't jest the time 

Fer stringin' words with settisfaction : 
Wut 's wanted now 's the silent rhyme 

'Twixt upright Will an' downright Action. 

Words, ef you keep 'em, pay their keep, 

But gabble 's the short cut to ruin ; 
It 's gratis, (gals half-price,) but cheap 

At no rate, ef it benders doin' ; 
Ther' 's nothin' wuss, 'less 't is to set 

A martyr-prem'um upon jawrin' : 
Teapots git dangerous, ef you shet 

Their lids down on 'em with Fort Warren. 

'Bout long enough it 's ben discussed 

Who sot the magazine afire, 
An' whether, ef Bob WickUffe bust, 

*T would scare us more or blow us higher. 



256 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

D' ye s'pose the Gret Foreseer's plan 
Wuz settled fer him in town-meetin' ? 

Or thet ther' 'd ben no Fall o' Man, 
Ef Adam 'd on'y bit a sweetin' ? 

Oh, Jon'than, ef you want to be 

A rugged chap agin an' hearty. 
Go fer wutever '11 hurt Jeff D., 

Nut wut '11 boost up ary party. 
Here 's hell broke loose, an' we lay flat 

With half the univarse a-singein'. 
Till Sen'tor This an' Gov'nor Thet 

Stop squabblin' fer the garding-ingin. 

It 's war we 're in, not politics ; 

It 's systems wrastlin' now, not parties ; 
An' victory in the eend '11 fix 

Where longest wiU an' truest heart is. 
An' wut 's the Guv'ment folks about ? 

Tryin' to hope ther' 's nothin' doin', 
An' look ez though they did n't doubt 

Sunthin' pertickler wuz a-brewin'. 

Ther' 's critters yit thet talk an' act 

Fer wut they call Conciliation ; 
They 'd hand a buff'lo-drove a tract 

When they wuz madder than all Bashan. 
Conciliate ? it jest means he kicked. 

No metter how they phrase an' tone it ; 
It means thet we 're to set down licked, 

Thet we 're poor shotes an' glad to own it ! 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 257 

A war on tick 's ez dear 'z the deuce, 

But it wun't leave no lastin' traces, 
Ez 't would to make a sneakin' truce 

Without no moral specie-basis : 
Ef greenbacks ain't nut jest the cheese, 

I guess ther' 's evils thet 's extremer, — 
Fer instance, — shinplaster idees 

Like them put out by Gov'nor Seymour. 

Last year, the Nation, at a word, 

When tremblin' Freedom cried to shield her, 
Flamed weldin' into one keen sword 

Waitin' an' longin' fer a waelder : 
A splendid flash I — but how 'd the grasp 

With sech a chance ez thet wuz tally ? 
Ther' warn't no meanin' in our clasp, — 

Half this, half thet, all shilly-shally. 

More men ? More Man ! It 's there we fail ; 

Weak plans grow weaker yit by lengthenin' : 
Wut use in addin' to the tail, 

When it 's the head 's in need o' strengthenin' ? 
We wanted one thet felt all Chief 

From roots o' hair to sole o' stocking 
Square-sot with thousan'-ton belief 

In him an' us, ef earth went rockin' ! 

Ole Hick'ry would n't ha' stood see-saw 

'Bout doin' things till they wuz done with, — 

He 'd smashed the tables o' the Law 
In time o' need to load his gun with : 



258 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

He could n't see but jest one side, — 

Ef his, 't wuz God's, an' thet wuz plenty ; 

An' so his " Forrards ! " multiplied 
An army's fightin' weight by twenty. 

But this 'ere histin', creak, creak, creak, 

Your cappen's heart up with a derrick, 
This tryin' to coax a lightnin'-streak 

Out of a half-discouraged hay-rick, 
This hangin' on mont' arter mont' 

Fer one sharp purpose 'mongst the twitter, — 
I tell ye, it doos kind o' stunt 

The peth and sperit of a critter. 

In six months where '11 the People be, 

Ef leaders look on revolution 
Ez though it wuz a cup o' tea, — 

Jest social el'ments in solution ? 
This weighin' things doos wal enough 

When war cools down, an' comes to writin' ; 
But while it 's makin', the true stuff 

Is pison-mad, pig-headed fightin'. 

Democ'acy gives every man 

A right to be his own oj^pressor ; 
But a loose Gov'ment ain't the plan, 

Helpless ez spilled beans on a dresser 
I tell ye one thing we might larn 

From them smart critters, the Seceders, — 
Ef bein' right 's the fust consarn, 

The 'fore-the-fust 's cast-iron leaders. 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 259 

But 'pears to me I see some signs 

Thet we 're a-goin' to use our senses : 
Jeff druv us into these hard lines, 

An' ough' to bear his half th' expenses ; 
Slavery 's Secession's heart an' will, 

South, North, East, West, where'er you find 
it, 
An' ef it drors into War's mill, 

D' ye say them thunder-stones sha' n't grind it ? 

D' ye s'pose, ef Jeff giv hiTn a lick, 

Ole Hick'ry 'd tried his head to sof'n 
So 's 't would n't hurt thet ebony stick 

Thet 's made our side see stars so of 'n ? 
" No ! " he 'd ha' thundered. " On your knees, 

An' own one flag, one road to glory ! 
Soft-heartedness, in times like these, 

Shows sof 'ness in the upper story ! '* 

An' why should we kick up a muss 

About the Pres'dunt's proclamation ? 
It ain't a-goin' to lib'rate us, 

Ef we don't like emancipation : 
The right to be a cussed fool 

Is safe from all devices human, 
It 's common (ez a gin'l rule) 

To every critter born o' woman. 

So we 're all right, an' I, fer one, 
Don't think our cause '11 lose in vally 



2(i0 THE iiiaix)]v PArEits. 

\\y rjiininiir S('ri})(.nr' in our []j«in, 
An' gittiu' Natur' for an ally : 

TlianU (J()(l, say 1, for ovon a plan 
To lift ono human boin's level, 

Give ono more chance to make a man, 
Or, anyhow, to spilo a dovil ! 

Not tlu't I 'ni (Mu- thct Muich cxpec' 

INIillcnniuni hy express to-morror ; 
Tlu«v //•/// iniscarry, — 1 roc'loc' 

'i'u many on 'imm, to my sorror : 
JMtMi ain't madi* ani;vls in a day, 

No mattor how you mould an' labor 'em, 
Nor 'riginal ones, I guess, don't stay 

AVith Abe so of'n cz with Abraham. 

Tho'ry thinks l^'act a i)ooty thing, 

An' wants the banns read right ensuin' ; 
But Fact wun't noways wear the ring 

'Thout years o' settin* nj) an' wooin' : 
Tijough, arter all, 'I'lme's dial-plato 

Marks cent'riivs with the minute-lhiger, 
An' (M)od can't never come tu late. 

Though it doos seiMn to try an' linger. 

An' come wnt will, I think it 's grand 
Abe 's gut his will ot last bloom-furnacod 

In trial-flames till it '11 stand 

The strain o' bein' in deadly earnest : 

Thet 's wut wo want, — we want to know 
The folks on our side he/ the bravery 



77//'; ma LOW rAPKia^. 201 

To b'li(3V() ez liard, coino woal, oonio woo, 
In Froedoin cz Jcfr dooH in Slavery. 

Set tlio two ioi'cuH foot to foot, 

An' (ivcry man knowH vvlio 'II ho winner, 
WhoHo faitli ill (iod \\i\v. ary root 

Tliiit j;()(!,s down d(!('])er than his dinner: 
57/Y^/^ 't will be felt from pole; to pole, 

Without no need o' jn-oclaniation, 
Earth'K Hi^}^(^st (country 'h gut h(!r houI 

An' risen u]> Karth'.s (jieatcst Nation I 



No. VIII. 
KETTELOPOTOMACHIA. 

PRELIMINARY NOTE. 

In the montli of February, 1866, the ed- 
itors of the " Atlantic Monthly " received 
from the Rev. Mr. Hitchcock of Jaalam a 
letter enclosing the macaronic verses which 
follow, and promising to send more, if more 
should be communicated. " They were 
rapped out on the evening of Thursday last 
past," he says, " by what claimed to be the 
spirit of my late predecessor in the ministry 
here, the Kev. Dr. Wilbur, through the me- 
dium of a young man at present domiciled 
in my family. As to the possibility of such 
spiritual manifestations, or whether they be 
properly so entitled, I express no opinion, as 
there is a division of sentiment on that sub- 
ject in the parish, and many persons of the 
highest respectability in social standing en- 
tertain opposing views. The young man who 
was improved as a medium submitted himself 
to the experiment with manifest reluctance, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 263 

and is still unprepared to believe in the au- 
thenticity of the manifestations. During his 
residence with me his deportment has always 
been exemplary ; he has been constant in his 
attendance upon our family devotions and 
the public ministrations of the Word, and 
has more than once privately stated to me 
that the latter had often brought him under 
deep concern of mind. The table is an or- 
dinary quadrupedal one, weighing about 
thirty pounds, three feet seven inches and an 
half in height, four feet square on the top, 
and of beech or maple, I am not definitely 
prepared to say which. It had once belonged 
to my respected predecessor, and had been, 
so far as I can learn upon careful inquiry, of 
perfectly regular and correct habits up to 
the evening in question. On that occasion 
the young man previously alluded to had 
been sitting with his hands resting carelessly 
upon it, while I read over to him at his re- 
quest certain portions of my last Sabbath's 
discourse. On a sudden the rappings, as 
they are called, commenced to render them- 
selves audible, at first faintly, but in process 
of time more distinctly and with violent agi- 
tation of the table. The young man ex- 
pressed himself both surprised and pained 



264 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

by the wholly imex23ected, and so far as he 
was concerned unprecedented occurrence. At 
the earnest solicitation, however, of several 
who happened to be present, he consented 
to go on with the experiment, and with the 
assistance of the alphabet commonly em- 
ployed in similar emergencies, the following 
communication was obtained and written 
down immediately by myself. Whether 
any, and if so, how much weight should be^ 
attached to it, I venture no decision. That 
Dr. Wilbur had sometimes employed his 
leisure in Latin versification I have ascer- 
tained to be the case, though all that has 
been discovered of that nature among his pa- 
pers consists of some fragmentary passages of 
a version into hexameters of portions of the 
Song of Solomon. These I had communi- 
cated about a week or ten days previous [ly] 
to the young gentleman who officiated as 
medium in the communication afterwards 
received. I have thus, I believe, stated all 
the material facts that have any elucidative 
bearing upon this mysterious occurrence." 

So far Mr. Hitchcock, who seems perfectly 
master of Webster's unabridged quarto, and 
whose flowing style leads him into certain 
further expatiations for which we have not 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 265 

room. We have since learned tliat the 
young man he speaks of was a sophomore, 
put under his care during a sentence of rus- 
tication from College, where he had 

distinguished himself rather by pliysical ex- 
periments on the comparative power of resis- 
tance in window-glass to various solid sub- 
stances than in the more regular studies of 
the place. In answer to a letter of inquiry, 
the professor of Latin says, " There was no 
harm in the boy that I know of beyond his 
loving mischief more than Latin, nor can I 
think of any spirits likely to possess him ex- 
cept those commonly called animal. He was 
certainly not remarkable for his Latinity, 
but I see nothing in verses you enclose that 
would lead me to think them beyond his ca- 
pacity, or the result of any special inspira- 
tion whether of beech or maple. Had that 
of hhxh been tried upon him earlier and 
more faithfully, the verses would perhaps 
have been better in quality and certainly in 
quantity." This exact and thorough scholar 
then goes on to point out many false quanti- 
ties and barbarisms. It is but fair to say, 
however, that the author, whoever he was, 
seems not to have been unaware of some of 
them himself, as is shown by a great many 



266 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

notes appended to the verses as we received 
them, and purporting to be by Scaliger, 
Bentley and others, — among them the Es- 
prit de Voltaire! These we have omitted 
as clearly meant to be humorous and alto- 
gether failing therein. 

Though entirely satisfied that the verses 
are altogether unworthy of Mr. Wilbur, 
who seems to have been a tolerable Latin 
scholar after the fashion of his day, yet we 
have determined to print them here partly 
as belonging to the res gestae of this collec- 
tion, and partly as a warning to their puta- 
tive author which may keep him from such 
indecorous pranks for the future. 



KETTELOPOTOMACHIA. 

P. Ovidii Nasonis carmen heroicum macaronicum perplex- 
ametriim, inter Getas getico more compostum, denuo per me- 
dium ardentispiritualem, adjuvante mensa diabolice obsessa, 
recuperatum, curaque Jo. Conradi Schwarzii umbrae, aliis 
necnon plurimis adjuvantibus, restitutum. 

LIBER I. 

PuNCTORUM garretos colens et cellara Quinque, 
Gutteribiis quae et gaudes sundayam abstingere 
frontem, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 267 

Plerumque insidos solita fluitare liquore 
Tanglepedem quern homines appellant Di quoque 

rotgut, 
Pimplildis, riibicundaque, Musa, O, bourbono- 

lensque, 5 

Fenianas rixas procul, alma, brogipotentis 
Patricii cyathos iterantis et horrida bella, 
Backos dum virides viridis brigitta remittit, 
Linquens, eximios celebrem, da, Virginienses 
Rowdes, praecipue et Te, heros alte, Polarde ! 10 
Insignes juvenesque, illo certamine lictos, 
Colemane, Tylere, nee vos oblivione relinquam. 

Ampla aquilae invictae fausto est sub tegmine 

terra, 
Backyfer, ooiskeo pollens, ebenoque bipede, 
Socors praesidum et altrix (denique quidrumi- 
nantium), 15 

Duplefveorum uberrima ; illis et integre cordi est 
Deplere assidue et sine proprio incommodo fis- 

cum ; 
Nunc etiam placidum hoc opus invictique secuti, 
Goosam aureos ni eggos voluissent immo necare 
Quae peperit, saltem ac de illis meliora meren- 
tem. 20 

Condidit hanc Smithius Dux, Captinus inclytus 
iUe 
Regis Ulyssse instar, docti arcum intendere Ion- 
gum; 
Condidit ille Johnsmith, Virginiamque vocavit, 



268 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Settledit aiitem Jacobus rex, nomine primus, 
Rascalis implens ruptis, blagardisque deboshtis, 25 
Militibusque ex Falstaffi legione fugatis 
Wenchisque illi quas poterant seducere nuptas ; 
Virgineum, ah, littus matronis talibus impar ! 
Progeniem stirpe ex hoc non sine stigmate ducunt 
Multi sese qui jactant regum esse nepotes : 30 

Hand omnes. Mater, genitos quae nuper habebas 
Bello fortes, consilio cautos, virtute decoros, 
Jamque et habes, sparso si patrio in sanguine vir- 
tus, 
Mostrabisque iterum, antiquis sub astris reducta! 
De illis qui upkikitant, dicebam, rumpora tanta, 35 
Letcheris et Floydis magnisque Extra ordine Bil- 

lis ; 
Est his prisca fides jurare et breakere wordum ; 
Poppere fellerum a tergo, aut stickere clam bowi- 

knifo, 
Haud sane facinus, dignum sed victrice lauro ; 
Larrupere et nigerum, factum prsestantius ullo : 40 
Ast chlamydem piciplumatam, Icariara, flito et 

ineptam, 
Yanko gratis induere, ilium et valido railo 
Insuper acri equitare docere est hospitio uti. 

Nescio an ille Polardus duplefveoribus ortus, 
Sed reputo potius de radice poorwitemanorum ; 46 
Fortuiti proles, ni fallor, Tylerus erat 
Prsesidis, omnibus ab Whiggis nominatus a poor 

cuss ; 
Et nobilem tertium evincit venerabile nomen. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 269 

Ast animosi omnes bellique ad tympana ha ! ha ! 
Vociferant laeti, procul et si proelia, sive so 

Hostem incautum atsito possunt shootere salvi ; 
Imperiiqiie capaces, esset si stylus agmen, 
Pro dulci spoliabant et sine dangere fito. 
Prae ceterisqiie Polardus : si Secessia licta, 
Se nunquam licturum jurat, res et unheardof, 55 
Verbo hsesit, similisque audaci roosteri invicto, 
Dunghilli solitus rex pullos whoppere molles, 
Grantum, hirelingos stripes quique et splendida 

tollunt 
Sidera, et Yankos, territuin et omnem sarsuit or- 

bem. 
Usque dabant operam isti omnes, noctesque, 

diesque, eo 

Samuelem demulgere avunculum, id vero siccum ; 
Uberibus sed ejus, et horum est culpa, remotis, 
Parvam domi vaccam, nee mora minima, quse- 

runt, 
Lacticarentem autem et droppam vix in die dan- 

tem ; 
Reddite avunculi, et exclamabant, reddite pap- 

pam ! <» 

Polko ut consule, gemens, Billy immurmurat Ex- 
tra ; 
Echo respondit, thesauro ex vacuo, pappam ! 
Frustra explorant pocketa, ruber nare repertum ; 
Officia expulsi aspiciunt rapta, et Paradisum 
Occlusum, viridesque haud illis nascere backos ; 7o 
Stupent tunc oculis madidis spittantque silenter. 



270 TEE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Adhibere usu ast longo vires prorsus inepti, 
Si non ut qui grindeat axve traberave revolvat, 
Virginiam excruciant totis nunc mightibu' ma- 

trem ; 
Non melius, puta, nono panis dimidiumne est ? 76 

Readere ibi non posse est casus commoner ullo ; 
Tanto intentius imprimere est opus ergo statuta ; 
Nemo propterea pejor, melior, sine doubto, 
Obtineat qui contractum, si et postea rhino ; 
Ergo Polardus, si quis, inexsuperabilis heros, so 
Colemanus impavidus nondum, atque in purpure 

natus 
Tylerus lohanides celerisque in flito Nathaniel, 
Quisque optans digitos in tantum stickere pium, 
Adstant accincti imprimere aut perrumpere leges : 
Quales os miserum rabidi tres segre molossi, 85 
Quales aut dubium textum atra in veste ministri, 
Tales circumstabant nunc nostri inopes hoc job. 

Hisque Polardus voce canoro talia fatus : 
Primum autem, veluti est mos, praeceps quisque 

liquorat, 
Quisque et Nicotianum ingens quid inserit atrum, 
Heroum nitidum decus et solamen avitum, 9i 

Masticat ac simul altisonans, spittatque profuse : 
Quis de Virginia meruit prsestantius unquam ? 
Quis se pro patria curavit impigre tutum ? 
Speechisque articulisque hominum quis fortior 

UUUS, 95 

Ingeminans pennae lickos et vulnera vocis ? 
Quisnam putidius (hie) sarsuit Yankinimicos, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 271 

Ssepius aut dedit ultro datam et broke his paro- 
1am? 

Mente inquassatus solidaque, tyranno minante, 

Horrisonis (hie) bombis moenia et alta qua- 
tente, loo 

Sese promptum (hie) jactans Yankos lickere cen- 
tum, 

Atque ad lastum invietus non surrendidit un- 
quam ? 

Ergo haud meddlite, posco, mique relinqiiite (hie) 
hoc job, 

Si non — knifumque enormem mostrat spittatque 
tremendus. 
Dixerat : ast alii reliquorant et sine pauso los 

Pluggos incumbunt maxillis, uterque vicissim 

Certamine innocuo valde madidam inquinat as- 
sem: 

Tylerus autem, dumque liquorat aridus hostis, 

Mirum aspicit duplumque bibentem, astante 
Lyaeo; 

Ardens impavidusque edidit tamen impia ver- 
ba ; no 

Duplum quamvis te aspicio, esses atque viginti, 

Mendacem dieerem totumque (hie) thrasherem 
acervum ; 

Nempe et thrasham, doggonatus (hie) sim nisi 
f axem ; 

Lambastabo omnes catawompositer-(hic)-que cha- 
wam! 

Dixit et impulsus Ryeo ruitur bene titus, us 



272 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Uli nam gravidum caput et laterem habet in 
hatto. 
Hunc inhiat titubansque Polar dus, optat et il- 
ium 
Stickere inermem, protegit autem rite Lyaeus, 
Et pronos geminos, oculis dubitantibus, heros 
Cernit et irritus hostes, dumque excogitat utrum 
Primum inpitchere, corruit, inter utrosque re- 
cumbit, 121 

Magno asino similis nimio sub pondere quassus : 
Colemanus hos moestus, triste ruminansque sola- 
men, 
Inspicit hiccans, circumspittat terque cubantes ; 
Funereisque his ritibus humidis inde solutis, 125 
Sternitur, invalidusque illis superincidit inf ans ; 
Hos sepelit somnus et snorunt cornisonantes, 
Watchmanus inscios ast calybooso deinde reponit. 



No. IX. 

[The Editors of the " Atlantic " have received so 
many letters of inquiry concerning the literary re- 
mains of the late Mr. Wilbur, mentioned by his col- 
league and successor, Rev. Jeduthun Hitchcock, in a 
communication from which we made some extracts 
in our number for February, 1863, and have been so 
repeatedly urged to print some part of them for the 
gratification of the public, that they felt it their duty 
at least to make some effort to satisfy so urgent a de- 
mand. They have accordingly carefully examined 
the papers intrusted to them, but find most of the 
productions of Mr. Wilbur's pen so fragmentary, and 
even chaotic, written as they are on the backs of let- 
ters in an exceedingly cramped chirography, — here 
a memorandum for a sermon ; there an observation 
of the weather ; now the measurement of an extraor- 
dinary head of cabbage, and then of the cerebral 
capacity of some reverend brother deceased ; a calm 
inquiry into the state of modern literature, ending in 
a method of detecting if milk be impoverished with 
water, and the amount thereof ; one leaf beginning 
with a genealogy, to be interrupted half-way down 
with an entry that the brindle cow had calved, — that 
any attempts at selection seemed desperate. His 
only complete work, ' ' An Enquiry concerning the 
Tenth Horn of the Beast," even in the abstract of it 
given by Mr. Hitchcock, would, by a rough computa- 
tion of the printers, fill five entire numbers of our 



274 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

journal, and as he attempts, by a new application of 
decimal fractions, to identify it with the Emperor 
Julian, seems hardly of immediate concern to the 
general reader. Even the Table-Talk, though doubt- 
less originally highly interesting in the domestic cir- 
cle, is so largely made up of theological discussion 
and matters of local or preterite interest, that we 
have found it hard to extract anything that would at 
all satisfy expectation. But, in order to silence 
further inquiry, we subjoin a few passages as illus- 
trations of its general character.] 

I think I could go near to be a perfect 
Christian if I were alwa^^s a visitor, as I 
have sometimes been, at the house of some 
hospitable friend. I can show a great deal 
of self-denial where the best of everything 
is urged upon me with kindly importunity. 
It is not so very hard to turn the other 
cheek for a kiss. And when I meditate 
upon the pains taken for our entertainment 
in this life, on the endless variety of seasons, 
of human character and fortune, on the cost- 
liness of the hanoinsfs and furniture of our 
dwelling here, I sometimes feel a singular joy 
in looking upon myself as God's guest, and 
cannot but believe that we should all be wiser 
and happier, because more grateful, if we 
were always mindful of our privilege in this 
regard. And should we not rate more cheaply 



THE B J GLOW PAPERS. 275 

any honor that men could pay us, if we re- 
membered that every day we sat at the table 
of the Great King ? Yet must we not forget 
that we are in strictest bonds His servants 
also ; for there is no impiety so abject as 
that which expects to be dead-headed (iit 
ita dicarii) through life, and which, calling 
itself trust in Providence, is in reality ask- 
ing Providence to trust us and taking up all 
our goods on false pretences. It is a wise 
rule to take the world as we find it, not al- 
ways to leave it so. 

It has often set me thinking when I find 
that I can alwaj^s pick up plenty of empty 
nuts under my shagbark-tree. The squirrels 
know them by their lightness, and I have sel- 
dom seen one with the marks of their teeth 
in it. What a school-house is the world, if 
our wits would only not play truant ! For 
I observe that men set most store by forms 
and symbols in proportion as they are mere 
shells. It is the outside they want and not 
the kernel. What stores of such do not 
many, who in material things are as shrewd 
as the squirrels, lay up for the spiritual win- 
ter-supply of themselves and their children ! 
I have seen churches that seemed to me 
garners of these withered nuts, for it is won- 



276 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

derfiil how prosaic is the approhension of 
symbols by the minds of most men. It is 
not one sect nor another, but all, who, like 
the dog of the fable, have let droj) the spir- 
itual substance of symbols for their material 
shadow. If one attribute miraculous virtues 
to mere holy water, that beautiful emblem 
of inward purification at the door of God's 
house, another cannot comprehend the sig- 
nificance of baptism without being ducked 
over head and ears in the liquid vehicle 
thereof. 

[Perhaps a word of historical comment 
may be permitted here. ^ly late revered 
predecessor was, I would humbly affirm, 
as free from prejudice as falls to the lot of 
the most highly favored individuals of our 
species. To be sure, I have heard him say 
that "what were called strong prejudices 
were in fact only the repidsion of sensitive 
organizations from that moral and even 
physical effluvium by which some natures 
by providential apjiointment, like certain 
unsavory quadrupeds, gave warning of their 
neighborhood. Better ten mistaken suspi- 
cions of this kind than one close encounter." 
This he said somewhat in heat, on being 
questioned as to his motives for always re- 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 277 

fusing his pulpit to those itinerant profes- 
sors of vicarious benevolence who end their 
discourses by taking up a collection. But 
at another time I remember his saying 
" that there was one large thing which small 
minds always found room for, and that was 
great prejudices." This, however, by the 
way. The statement which I purposed to 
make was simply this. Down to a. d. 1830, 
Jaalam had consisted of a single parish, 
with one house set apart for religious ser- 
vices. In that year the foundations of a 
Baptist Society were laid by the labors of 
Elder Joash Q. Balcom, 2d. As the mem- 
bers of the new body were drawn from the 
First Parish, Mr. Wilbur was for a time 
considera})ly exercised in mind. He even 
went so far as on one occasion to follow the 
reprehensible practice of the earlier Puritan 
divines in choosing a punning text, and 
preached from Hebrews xiii. 9 : "Be not 
carried about with divers and strange doc- 
trines." He afterwards, in accordance with 
one of his own maxims, — " to get a dead 
injury out of the mind as soon as is decent, 
bury it, and then ventilate," — in accordance 
with this maxim, I say, he lived on very- 
friendly terms with Rev, Shearjashub Scrim- 



278 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

goiir, present pastor of the Baptist Society 
ill eTaalaiii. Yet I think it was never un- 
pleasing to liiiii that the church edifice of 
that society (though otherwise a creditable 
specimen of architecture) remained without 
a bell, as indeed it does to this day. So 
much seemed necessary to do away with any 
appearance of acerbity toward a respect- 
able community of professing Christians, 
which might be suspected in the conclusion 
of the above paragraph. J. II.] 

In lighter moods he was not averse from 
an innocent play upon words. Looking up 
from his newspaper one morning as I en- 
tered his study he said, *' When I read a de- 
bate in Congress, I feel as if I were sitting 
at the feet of Zeno in the shadow of the 
Portico." On my expressing a natural sur- 
prise, he added, smiling, '' Why, at such 
times the only view which honorable mem- 
bers give me of what goes on in the world 
is through their intercalumniations." I 
smiled at this after a moment's reflection, 
and he added gravely, " The most punctil- 
ious refinement of manners is the only salt 
that will keep a democracy from stinking ; 
and what are we to expect from the people, 
if their representatives set them such les- 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 279 

sons ? Mr. Everett's whole life has been a 
sermon from this text. There was, at least, 
this advantage in duelling, that it set a cer- 
tain limit on the tongue." In this connea-, 
tion, I may be permitted to recall a plfvr*Lul 
remark of his upon another occasion i The 
painful divisions in the First Parish, A. D. 
1844, occanioned by the wild notions in re- 
spect to the rights o^ i^what Mr. Wilbur, so 
far as concerned the reasoning faculty, al- 
ways called) the unfairer part of creation, 
put forth by Miss Parthenia Almira Fitz, 
are too well known to need more than a 
passing allusion. It was during these heats, 
long since happily allayed, that Mr. Wilbur 
remarked that " the Church had more trou- 
ble in dealing with one sAeresiarch than with 
twenty Aeresiarchs," and that the men's con- 
scia recti, or certainty of being right, was 
nothing to the women's. 

When I once asked his opinion of a poeti- 
cal composition on which I had expended no 
little pains, he read it attentively, and then 
remarked, " Unless one's thought pack more 
neatly in verse than in prose, it is wiser to 
refrain. Commonplace gains nothing by be- 
ing translated into rhyme, for it is something 



280 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

which no hocus-pocus can transubstantiate 
with the real presence of living thought. 
You entitle your piece, 'My Mother's 
crave,' and expend four pages of useful 
pap'e'- in detailing your emotions there. But, 
my deya? sir, watering does not improve the 
quality oi ink, even though you should do 
it with tears. To publish a sor^ox/ to Tom, 
Dick, and Harry is in some sort td adver- 
tise its unreality, for I have observed in my 
intercourse with the afflicted that the deepr 
est grief instinctively hides its face with 
its hands and is silent. If your piece were 
printed, I have no doubt it would be popular, 
for people like to fancy that they feel much 
better than the trouble of feeling. I would 
put all poets on oath whether they have 
striven to say everything they possibly could 
think of, or to leave out all they could not 
help saying. In your own case, my wor- 
thy young friend, what you have written is 
merely a deliberate exercise, the gymnastic 
of sentiment. For your excellent maternal 
relative is still alive, and is to take tea with 
me this evening, D. V. Beware of simu- 
lated feeling ; it is hypocrisy's first cousin ; 
it is especially dangerous to a preacher ; for 
he who says one day, ' Go to, let me seem to 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 281 

be pathetic,' may be nearer than he thinks 
to saying, ' Go to, let me seem to be vir^-aous, 
or earnest, or under sorrow for-yin.' Depend 
upon it, Sappho loved her verses more sin- 
cerely than she aid I liaon, and Petrarch his 
sonnets better than Laura, who was indeed 
but his poetical stalking-horse. After you 
shall have once heard that muffled rattle of 
the clods on the coffin-lid of an irreparable 
loss, you will grow acquainted with a pathos 
that will make all elegies hateful. When I 
was of your age, I also for a time mistook 
my desire to write verses for an authentic 
call of my nature in that direction. But one 
day as I was going forth for a walk, with 
my head full of an * Elegy on the death of 
Flirtilla,' and vainly groping after a rhyme 
for lily that should not be silly or chilly, I 
saw my eldest boy Homer busy over the rain- 
water hogshead, in that childish experiment 
at parthenogenesis, the changing a horsehair 
into a water-snake. An immersion of six 
weeks showed no change in the obstinate fil- 
ament. Here was a stroke of unintended 
sarcasm. Had I not been doing in my study 
precisely what my boy was doing out of 
doors ? Had my thoughts any more chance 
of coming to life by being submerged in 



282 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

ihjme than his hair by soaking in water? 
I bur.T?i^d my elegy and took a course of Ed- 
wards on thfc Will. People do not make 
poetry ; it is made out of them by a process 
for which I do not find myself fitted. Never- 
theless, the writing of verses is a good rhetor- 
ical exercitation, as teaching us what to shun 
most carefully in prose. For prose bewitched 
is like window-glass with bubbles in it, dis- 
torting what it should show with pellucid 
veracity." -^ 

It is unwise to insist on doctrinal points 
as vital to religion. The Bread of Life is 
wholesome and sufficing in itself, but gulped 
down with these kickshaws cooked up by 
theologians, it is apt to produce an indiges- 
tion, nay, even at last an incurable dyspepsia 
of skepticism. 

One of the most inexcusable weaknesses 
of Americans is in signing their names to 
what are called credentials. But for my in- 
terposition, a person who shall be nameless 
would have taken from this town a recom- 
mendation for an office of trust subscribed 
by the selectmen and all the voters of both 
parties, ascribing to him as many good qual- 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 283 

ities as if it had been his tombstone. The 
excuse was that it would be well for the town 
to be rid of him, as it would erelong be 
obliged to maintain him. I would not refuse 
my name to modest merit, but I would be as 
cautious as in signing a bond. [I trust I 
shall be subjected to no imputation of un- 
becoming vanity, if I mention the fact that 
Mr. W. indorsed my own qualifications as 
teacher of the high-school at Pequash Junc- 
tion. J. H.] When I see a certificate of 
character with everybody's name to it, I re- 
gard it as a letter of introduction from the 
Devil. Never give a man your name unless 
you are willing to trust him with your repu- 
tation. 

There seem nowadays to be two sources 
of literary inspiration, — fulness of mind 
and emptiness of pocket. 

I am often struck, especially in reading- 
Montaigne, with the obviousness and famil- 
iarity of a great writer's thoughts, and the 
freshness they gain because said by him. 
The truth is, we mix their greatness with all 
they say and give it our best attention. Jo- 
hannes Faber sic cogitavit, would be no en- 



284 THE BIG LOW FAPERS. 

tioiiig preface to a book, but an aeeredited 
name gives credit like tlie signature of a 
note of hand. It is tlie advantage of fame 
that it is always privileged to take the world 
by the button, and a thing is weightier for 
Shakespeare's uttering it by the whole 
amount of his personality. 

It is singular how impatient men are with 
overpraise of others, how patient with over- 
praise of themselves ; and yet the one does 
them no injury, while the other may be their 

ruin. 

People are apt to confound mere alertness 
of mind with attention. The one is but the 
flying abroad of all the faculties to the open 
doors and windows at every passing rumor ; 
the other is the concentration of every one 
of them in a single focus, as in the alchemist 
over his alembic at the moment of expected 
projection. Attention is the stuff that mem- 
ory is made of, and memory is accumulated 



Do not look for the ^lillennium as immi- 
nent. One generation is apt to got all the 
wear it can out of the cast clothes of the 



THE HI GLOW I'APhHS. 285 

last, and is alwayH .sure to use up ovory pal- 
ing of tlic old fence tliat will hold a nail in 
building the new. 

You suspect a kind of vanity in my gene- 
alogical enthusiasm. Perhaps you are right ; 
but it is a universal foible. Where it does 
not show itself in a personal and private 
way, it l)ecomes public and gregarious. 
We flatter ourselves in the Pilgrim Fathers, 
and the Virginian offshoot of a transported 
convict swells with the fancy of a cavalier 
ancestry. Pride of birth, I have noticed, 
takes two forms. One complacently traces 
himself up to a coronet ; anothei*, defiantly, 
to a lapstone. The sentiment is precisely 
the same in both cases, only that one is 
the positive and the other the negative jjole 
of it. 

Seeing a goat the other day kneeling in 
order to graze with less trouble, it seemed to 
me a type of the common notion of prayer. 
Most people are ready enough to go down 
on their knees for material blessings, but 
how few for those spiritual gifts which alone 
are an answer to our orisons, if we but 
knew it ! 



286 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Some people, nowadays, seem to have hit 
upon a new moralization of the moth and 
the candle. They would lock up the light 
of Truth, lest poor Psyche should put it out 
in her effort to draw nigh to it. 



No. X. 

MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE EDITOR 
OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 

Dear Sir, — Your letter come to han', 

Requestin' me to please be funny ; 
But I ain't made upon a plan 

Thet knows wut 's comin', gall or honey : 
Ther' 's times the world doos look so queer, 

Odd fancies come afore I call 'em ; 
An' then agin, for half a year. 

No preacher 'thout a call 's more solemn. 

You 're 'n want o' sunthin' light an' cute, 

Rattlin' an' shi-ewd an' kin' o' jingleish, 
An' wish, pervidin' it 'ould suit, ^ 

I 'd take an' citify my English. 
I ken write long-tailed, ef I please, — 

But when I 'm jokin', no, I thankee ; 
Then, 'fore I know it, my idees 

Run helter-skelter into Yankee. 

Sence I begun to scribble rhyme, 
I tell ye wut, I hain't ben foolin' ; 

The parson's books, life, death, an' time 
Hev took some troublfe with my schoolin' ; 



288 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Nor th' airth don't git put out with me, 
Thet love her 'z though she wuz a woman ; 

Why, th' ain't a bird upon the tree 
But half forgives my bein' human. 

An' yit I love th' unhighschooled way 

or farmers hed when I wuz younger ; 
Their talk wuz meatier, an' 'ould stay, 

Wliile book-froth seems to whet your hunger ; 
For puttin' in a downright lick 

'Twixt Humbug's eyes, ther' 's few can metch 
it, 
An' then it helves my thoughts ez slick 

Ez stret-grained hickory doos a hetchet. 

But when I can't, I can't, thet 's all. 

For Natur' won't put up with guUin' ; 
Idees you hev to shove an' haul 

Like a druv pig ain't wuth a mullein ; 
Live thoughts ain't sent for ; thru all rifts 

O' sense they pour an' resh ye onwards, 
Like rivers when south-lyin' drifts 

Feel thet th' old airth 's a-wheelin' sunwards. 

Time wuz, the rhymes come crowdin' thick 

Ez office-seekers arter 'lection, 
An' into ary place 'ould stick 

Without no bother nor objection ; 
But sence the war my thoughts hang back 

Ez though I wanted to enlist 'em. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 289 

An' subs'tutes, — they don't never lack, 

But then they '11 slope afore you 've mist 'em- 

Nothm' don't seem like wut it wuz ; 

I can't see wut there is to hender, 
An' yit my brains jes' go buzz, buzz, 

Like bumblebees agin a winder ; 
'Fore these times come, in all airth's row, 

Ther' wuz one quiet place, my head in. 
Where I could hide an' think, — but now 

It 's all one teeter, hopin', dreadin'. 

Where 's Peace ? I start, some clear-blown 
night, 

When gaunt stone walls grow numb an' numb- 
er, 
An', creakin' 'cross the snow-cinis' white, 

Walk the col' starlight into summer ; 
Up grows the moon, an' swell by swell 

Thru the pale pasturs silvers dimmer 
Than the last smile thet strives to tell 

O' love gone heavenward in its shimmer. 

I hev ben gladder o' sech things 

Than cocks o' spring or bees o' clover, 
They filled my heart with livin' springs. 

But now they seem to freeze 'em over ; 
Sights innercent ez babes on knee. 

Peaceful ez eyes o' pastur'd cattle, 
Jes' coz they be so, seem to me 

To rile me more with thoughts o' battle. 



290 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

In-doors an' out by spells I try ; 

Ma'am Natur' keeps her spin-wheel goin*, 
But leaves my natur' stiff and dry 

Ez fiel's o' clover arter mowin' ; 
An' her jes' keepin' on the same, 

Calmer 'n a clock, an' never carin', 
An' findin' nary thing to blame, 

Is wus than ef she took to swearin'. 

Snow-flakes come whisperin' on the pane 

The charm makes blazin' logs so pleasant, 
But I can't hark to wut they 're say'n', 

With Grant or Sherman oilers present ; 
The chimbleys shudder in the gale, 

Thet lulls, then suddin takes to flappin* 
Like a shot hawk, but all 's ez stale 

To me ez so much sperit^rappin'. 

Under the yaller-pines I house, 

When sunshine makes 'em all sweet-scented, 
An' hear among their furry boughs 

The baskin' west-wind purr contented, 
While 'way o'erhead, ez sweet an' low 

Ez distant bells thet ring for meetin', 
The wedged wil' geese their bugles blow, 

Further an' further South retreatin'. 

Or up the slippery knob I strain 
An' see a hunderd hills like islan's 

Lift their blue woods 'in broken chain 
Out o' the- sea o' snowy silence ; 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 291 

The farm-smokes, sweetes' sight on airth, 
Slow thru the winter air a-shrinkin' 

Seem kin' o* sad, an' roun' the hearth 
Of empty places set me thinkin'. 

Beaver roars hoarse with meltin' snows, 

An' rattles di'mon's from his granite ; 
Time wuz, he snatched away my prose, 

An' into psalms or satires ran it ; 
But he, nor all the rest thet once 

Started my blood to country-dances. 
Can't set me goin' more 'n a dunce 

Thet hain't no use for dreams an' fancies. 

Rat-tat-tat-tattle thru the street 

I hear the drummers makin' riot. 
An' I set thinkin' o' the feet 

. Thet foUered once an' now are quiet, — 
White feet ez snowdrops innercent, 

Thet never knowed the paths o' Satan, 
Whose comin' step ther' 's ears thet won't, 

No, not lifelong, leave off awaitin'. 

Why, hain't I held 'em on my knee ? 

Did n't I love to see 'em growin'. 
Three likely lads ez wal could be, 

Hahnsome an' brave an' not tu knowin' ? 
I set an' look into the blaze 

Whose natur', jes' like theirn, keeps climbin', 
Ez long 'z it lives, in shinin' ways. 

An' half despise myself for rhymin'. 



292 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Wut *s words to ilieiu whose faith an' truth 

On War's red techstone rang true metal, 
Who ventered life an' love an' youtli 

For the gret prize o' death in battle ? 
To him who, deadly hurt, agen 

Flashed on afore the charge's thunder, 
Tippin' with fire the bolt of men 

Thet rived the Rebel line asunder ? 

*T ain't right to hev the young go fust, 

All throbbin' full o' gifts an' graces, 
Leavin' life's paupers dry ez dust 

To try an' make b'lieve fill their places : 
Nothin' but tells us wut we miss, 

Ther' 's gaps our lives can't never fay in, 
An' tliet world seems so fur from this 

Lef ' for us loafers to grow gray in ! 

My eyes cloud up for rain ; my mouth 

Will take to twitchin' roun' the corners ; 
I pity mothers, tu, down South, 

For all tliey sot among the scorners : 
I 'd sooner take my chance to stan* 

At Jedgment where your meanest slave is, 
Than at God's bar hoi' up a han' 

Ez drippin' red ez yourn, Jeff Davis ! 

Come, Peace ! not like a mourner bowed 
For honor lost an' dear ones wasted, 

But proud, to meet a people proud, 
With eyes thet tell o' triumjih tasted ! 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 293 

Come with han' grippin' on the hilt, 

An' step tliet proves ye Victory's daughter ! 

Loiigin' for you, our speritH wilt 

Like shipwrecked men's on raf's for water. 

Come, while our country feels the lift 

Of a grot instinct shoutin' forwards. 
An' knows thet freedom ain't a gift 

Thet tarries long in han's o' cowards ! 
Come, sech ez mothers prayed for, when 

They kissed their cross with lips thet quivered, 
An' bring fair wages for brave men, 

A nation saved, a race delivered ! 



No. XI. 

MR. HOSEA BIGLOWS SPEECH IN 
. MARCH MEETING. 

TO THE EDITOR OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, April 5, 1866. * 

My dear Sir, — 

(an' noticin' by your kiver thet you're 
some dearer than wut you wuz, I enclose the 
deffrenee) I dunno ez I know jest how to 
interdooce this las' perduction of my mews, 
ez Parson Wilbur ^Uus called 'em, which is 
goin' to he the last an' stay the last onless 
sunthin' pertikler sh'd interfear which I 
don't expec' ner I wun't yield tu ef it wuz 
ez pressin' ez a deppity Shiriff. Sence Mr. 
Wilbur's disease I hev n't hed no one thet 
could dror out my talons. He ust to kind o' 
wine me up an' set the penderlum agoin, an* 
then somehow I seemed to go on tick as it 
wear tell I run down, but the noo minister 
ain't of the same brewin' nor I can't seem to 
git ahold of no kine of huming nater in him 
but sort of slide rite off as you du on the 



TUE BIGLOW PAPERS. 295 

eedge of a mow. Minnysteeril natur is wal 
enough an' a site better 'n most other kines 
I know on, but the other sort sech as " Wel- 
bor hed wuz of the Lord's makin' an' nateral- 
ly more wonderfle an' sweet tastin' leastways 
to me so fur as heerd from. He used to 
interdooce 'em smooth ez ile athout sayin' 
nothin' in pertickler an' I misdoubt he did n't 
set so much by the sec'nd Ceres as wut he 
done by the Fust, fact, he let on onct thet 
his mine misgive him of a sort of fallin' off 
in spots. He wuz as outspoken as a nor- 
wester he wuz, but I tole him I hoped the 
fall wuz from so high up thet a feller could 
ketch a good many times fust afore comin' 
bunt onto the ground as I see Jethro C. 
Swett from the meetin' house steeple up to 
th' old perrish, an' took up for dead but 
he 's alive now an' spry as wut you be. 
Turnin' of it over I recclected how they ust 
to put wut they called Argymunce onto the 
f runts of poymns, like poorches afore housen 
whare you could rest ye a spell whilst you 
wuz concludin' whether you 'd go in or nut 
espeshully ware tha wuz darters, though I 
most alius found it the best plen to go in 
fust an' think afterwards an' the gals likes 
it best tu. I dno as speechis ever hez any 



ar<>'iimints to 'cm, I luwor seo none tliot hed 
au* I i;uoss they never du but tha must alius 
be a IVoiuulu' to everythiu' alliout it is 
Etavnity so 1 '11 begin rite away an' any- 
body may i>ut it afore any o'i his sptHU'hes ef 
it soots an' weleouie. 1 don't ehiini no pay- 
teut. 

Till-: AlUJYMliNT. 

Interduesliin w'ieli may be skipt. Begins 
by talkin' about himself : thet 's jest natur 
an' most gin'ally alius pleasin', 1 b'leevo I Ve 
notist, to one of the eunii)any, an' thet *s 
more than wut you ejui say of most speshes 
of talkin'. Nex' comes the gittin' the good- 
will of the orjunee by lettin' 'em gether 
from wut you kind of ex'dentally let drop 
thot they air about lOast, A one, an' no 
mistaik, sl^are 'em up an' take em as they 
rise. Sjuing iuterdooced witli a. liew aj)pro- 
put Hours. Si)eac*h linally begins witel\ no- 
buddy U(H»d n't feel obolygated to read as I 
never read em an' never slu'U this one agin 
Subjiek staited : expanded ; delay ted ; ex- 
tended. Puuip lively. Subjiek staited ag'in 
so 's to avide all mistaiks. (liiunle remarks ; 
continooed ; kerried on ; pushed f urder ; 
kind o' gin out. Subjiek /rstaited ; dieloo- 
ted ; stirred up permiseoous. Pump ag'in. 



77//'; Hid LOW I'AI'KHH. 297 

GitH bar^k to wlujro tuj Hot out. (Jan't Hcom 
1x> Htay tliair. Kotcjhcs into Mr. Scaward's 
hair. JircakH Ioohc ag'in an' Htaits his huI)- 
ji(;k ; Htretchcs it ; turns it ; folds it ; on- 
folds it ; folds it ag'in ho 'h 't no one can't 
find it. Argoos witli an imedginary b(ian 
thet ain't aloud to Hay nothin' in repleyo. 
Gives him a real good dressin' an' in Hetty h- 
fidc be 'h rite. Gits into JohnHon's hair. No 
use tryin' to git into bis bead. Gives it up. 
Ilez to Htait bis Hiil)ji(;k ag'in ; does it back- 
'ards, sidewjiys, ecjndways, eriss-oross, bevel- 
lin', noways, (iits finally red on it. Con- 
cloods. Concloods more. J{(}ads somci xtrax. 
Sees bis subjiek a-nosin' round arter bim 
ag'in. Tries to avide it. Wun't du. MIh- 
Btates it. Can't conjectur' no other plawsa- 
ble way of staytin' on it. Tritis pump. No 
fx. Finely concdoods to conclood. Ye(ds the 
llore. 

You kin spall an' pun(;tooate tlnjt as you 
please. 1 alius do, it kind of puts a noo 
soot of close onto a word, thisere funattiek 
H[)(;llin' doos an' takes 'em out of the prissen 
dress they wair in the Dixonary. Ef I 
squeeze the cents out of 'em it 's the main 
thing, an' wut they wuz made for; wut 'h 
left 's jest pummis. 



298 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Mistur Wilbur sez he to me onct, sez he, 
" Hosee," sez he, " in litterytoor the only 
good thing is Natur. It 's amazin' hard to 
come at," sez he, " but onct git it an' you 've 
gut everythin'. Wut 's the sweetest small 
on airth ? " sez he. " Noomone hay," sez I, 
pooty bresk, for he wuz alius hankerin' round 
in hayin'. " Nawthin' of the kine," sez he. 
" My leetle Huldy's breath," sez I ag'in. 
" You 're a good lad," sez he, his eyes sort 
of ripplin' like, for he lost a babe onct nigh 
about her age, — " You 're a good lad ; but 
't ain't thet nuther," sez he. " Ef you want 
to know," sez he, " open your winder of a 
mornin' et ary season, and you '11 larn thet 
the best of perfooms is jest fresh a,ii\fiesh 
ab\^' sez he, emphysizin', " athout no mixtur. 
Thet 's wut / call natur in writin', and it 
bathes my lungs and washes 'em sweet when- 
ever I git a whiff on 't," sez he. I offen 
think o' thet when I set down to write, but 
the winders air so ept to git stuck, an' break- 
in' a pane costs sun thin'. 

Yourn for the last time, 

Nut to be continooed, 

HOSEA BiGLOW. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 299 

I dox't much s'pose hows'ever I should plen it, 

I could git boosted into th' House or Sennit, — 

Nut while the twolegged gab-machine 's so plenty, 

'Nablin' one man to du the talk o' twenty ; 

I 'm one o' them thet finds it ruther hard 

To mannyfactur' wisdom by the yard, 

An' maysure off, accordin' to demand, 

The piece-goods el'kence that I keep on hand, 

The same ole pattern runnin' thru an' thru, 

An' nothin' but the customer thet 's new. 

I sometimes think, the furder on I go, 

Thet it gits harder to feel sure I know. 

An' when I 've settled my idees, I find 

'T war n't I sheered most in makin' up my mind ; 

'T wuz this an' thet an' t' other thing thet done it, 

Sunthin' in th' air, I could n' seek nor shun it. 

Mos' folks go off so quick now in discussion, 

All th' ole flint locks seems altered to percussion, 

Whilst I in agin' sometimes git a hint 

Thet I 'm percussion changin' back to flint ; 

Wal, ef it 's so, I ain't agoin' to werrit, 

For th' ole Queen's-arm hez this pertickler 

merit, — 
It gives the mind a halmsome wedth o' margin 
To kin' o make its will afore dischargin' : 
I can't make out but jest one ginnle rule, — 
No man need go an' make himself a fool, 
Nor jedgment ain't like mutton, thet can't bear 
Cookin' tu long, nor be took up tu rare. 



300 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Ez I wuz say'n', I haint no chance to speak 

So 's 't all the country dreads me onct a week, 

But I 've consid'ble o' thet sort o' head 

Thet sets to home an' thinks wut might be said, 

The sense thet grows an' werrits underneath, 

Comin' belated like your wisdom-teeth, 

An' git so el'kent, sometimes, to my gardin 

Thet I don' vally public life a fardin'. 

Our Parson Wilbur (blessin's on his head !) 

'Mongst other stories of ole times he hed. 

Talked of a feller thet rehearsed his spreads 

Beforehan' to his rows o' kebbige-heads, ^ 

(Ef 't war n't Demossenes, I guess 't wuz Sisro,) 

Appealm' fust to thet an' then to this row, 

Accordin' ez he thought thet his idees 

Their diff'runt ev'riges o' brains 'ould please ; 

" An'," sez the Parson, " to hit right, you must 

Git used to maysurin' your hearers fust ; 

For, take my word for 't, when all 's come an' 

past, 
The kebbige-heads '11 cair the day et last ; 
Th' ain't ben a meetin' sence the worl' begun 
But they made (raw or biled ones) ten to one." 

I 've alius foun' 'em, I allow, sence then 
About ez good for talkin' to ez men ; 
They '11 take edvice, like other folks, to keep, 
(To use it 'ould be holdin' on 't tu cheap,) 
They listen wal, don' kick up when you scold 'em, 
An' ef they 've tongues, hev sense enough to hold 
'em; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 301 

Though th' ain't no denger we shall lose the 

breed, 
I gin'Uy keep a score or so for seed, 
An' when my sappiness gits spry in spring, 
So 's 't my tongue itches to run on full swing, 
I fin' 'em ready-planted in March-meetin', 
Warm ez a lyceum-audience in their greetin', 
An' pleased to hear my spoutin' frum the 

fence, — 
Comin', ez 't doos, entirely free 'f expense. 
This year I made the follerin' observations 
Extrump'ry, like most other tri'ls o' patience, 
An', no reporters bem' sent express 
To work their abstrac's up into a mess 
Ez like th' oridg'nal ez a woodcut pictur' 
Thet chokes the life out like a boy-constrictor, 
I 've writ 'em out, an' so avide all jeal'sies 
'Twixt nonsense o' my own an' some one's else's. 

(N. B. Reporters gin'lly git a hint 
To make dull orjunces seem 'live in print. 
An', ez I hev t' report myself, I vum, 
I '11 put th' applauses where they 'd ough^ to 
come !) 

My feller kebbige-heads, who look so green, 

I vow to gracious thet ef I could dreen 

The world of all its hearers but jest yoji, 

'T would leave 'bout all tha' is wuth talkin' to. 

An' you, my ven'able ol' frien's, thet show 



302 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Upon your crowns a sprinklin' o' March snow, 
¥j/. cf mild Time had christened every sense 
For wisdom's church o' second innocence, 
Nut Age's winter, no, no sech a thing. 
But jest a kin' o' sHi)i)pin'-back o' s})ring, — 

[Scv'nl noses blowed.] 
We 've gathered liere, e/> ushU\ to decide 
"Which is the Lord's an' which is Satan's side, 
Coz all the good or evil thet can heppen 
Is 'long o' which on 'em yon choose for Cappen. 

[Cries o' "Thet 's so ! "] 

A})rul 's come back ; the swellin' buds of oak 
Dim the I'ur hillsides with a purplish smoke ; 
The brooks are loose an', singing to be seen, 
(Like gals,) make all the hollers soft an' green ; 
The birds are here, for all the season 's late ; 
They take the sun's height an' don' never wait ; 
Soon 'z he olliciidly dechires it 's spring 
Their light hearts lift 'em on a north'ard wing, 
An' tir ain't an acre, fur ez you can hear, 
Can't by the music tell the time o' year ; 
l>ut thet white dove Carliny scared away, 
Five year ago, jes' sech an Aprul day ; 
Peace, that we hoped 'ould come an' build last 

year 
An' coo by every housedoor, is n't here, — 
No, nor wun't never be, for all our jaw. 
Till we're ez brave in pol'tics ez in war! 
O Lord, ef folks wuz made so 's 't they could see 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 303 

The begnet-pint there is to an idee ! [Sensation.] 
Ten times the danger in 'em th' is in steel ; 
They run your soul thru an' you never feel, 
But crawl about an' seem to think you 're livin', 
Poor shells o' men, nut wuth the Lord's forgivin', 
Till you come bunt ag'in a real live feet. 
An' go to pieces when you 'd ough' to ect ! 
Thet kin' o' begnet 's wut we 're crossin' now, 
An' no man, fit to nevvigate a scow, 
'Ould Stan' expectin' help from Kingdom Come, 
While t' other side druv their cold iron home. 

My frien's, you never gethered from my mouth, 
No, nut one word ag'in the South ez South, 
Nor th' ain't a livin' man, white, brown, nor 

black. 
Gladder 'n wut I should be to take 'em back ; 
But all I ask of Uncle Sam is fust 
To write up on his door, " No goods on trust ; " 

[Cries of *'Thet's the ticket! "] 
Give us cash down in ekle laws for all, 
An' they '11 be snug inside afore nex' fall. 
Give wut they ask, an' we shell hev Jamaker, 
Wuth minus some consid'able an acre ; 
Give wut they need, an' we shell git 'fore long 
A nation all one piece, rich, peacefle, strong ; 
Make 'em Amerikin, an' they '11 begin 
To love their country ez they loved their sin ; 
Let 'em stay Southun, an' you Ve kep' a sore 
Ready to fester ez it done afore. 



804 TIIIC Bid LOW PAPERS. 

No mortle man can boast of perfic' vision, 
But the one moleblin' thing- is Indecision, 
An' th' ain't no futur' for the man nor state 
Thet out of j-u-s-t can't spell great. 
Some folks 'onhl call thet reddiklo ; do you ? 
'T was commonsense afore tlio war wuz thru ; 
T/iet loaded all our guns an' made 'em speak 
So 's 't Kurope heared 'em clearn acrost the 

creek ; 
" They 're drivin' o' their si)iles down now," sez 

she, 
" To the hard grennit o' God's fust idee ; 
Ef they reach thet, Democ'cy need n't fear 
The tallest airtlupiakes ire can git up here." 
Some call 't insultin' to ask ari/ i)ledge, 
An' say 't will only set their teeth on edge, 
]^nt folks you 've jest licked, fur 'z I ever see, 
Ai'C l)out e/ mad '/ they wal know how to be ; 
It 's better than the Uebs themselves expected 
'Fore they see Uncle Sam wilt down henpected ; 
Be kind 'z you please, but fustly make things 

fast, 
For plain Truth 's all the kindness thet '11 last ; 
Ef treason is a crime, ez some folks say, 
How could we punish it a milder way 
Than sayin' to 'em, " Brethren, lookee here, 
We '11 jes' divide things with ye, sheer an' sheer. 
An sence both come o' pooty strong-backed dad- 
dies. 
You take the Darkies, ez we 've took tlie Pad- 
dies ; 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. VjOi) 

Ign'ant an' poor we took 'em by the hand, 
An' tliey 're tlic bones an' sinners o' the land." 
I ain't o' tliern tliet fancy tliere 's a loss on 
Every inves'ment thet don't start from Bos'on ; 
But I know this : our money 's safest trusted 
In fiunthin', come wut will, thet can't be busted, 
An' thet 's the old Amerikin idee, 
To make a man a Man an' let him be. 

[(jret applause.] 

Ez for their I'yalty, don't take a goad to 't, 
But I do' want to block their only road to 't 
By lettin' 'em believe thet they can git 
Mor 'n wut they lost, out of our little wit : 
I tell ye wut, I 'm 'fraid we '11 drif to leeward 
'Thout we can put more stiffenin' into Seward ; 
He seems to think Columby 'd better ect 
Like a scared widder with a boy stiff-necked 
Thet stomps an' swears he wun't come in to sup- 
per ; 
She mus' set up for him, ez weak ez Tupper, 
Keepin' the Constitootion on to warm. 
Tell he '11 eccept her 'pologies in form : 
The neighbors tell her he 's a cross-grained cuss 
Thet needs a liidin' 'fore he comes to wus ; 
" No," sez Ma Seward, " he 's ez good 'z the best. 
All he wants now is sugar-plums an' rest ; " 
" He sarsed my Pa," sez one ; " He stoned my 

son," 
Another edds. " Oh, wal, 't wuz jest his fun." 
" He tried to shoot our Uncle Samwell dead." 



306 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

" 'T wuz only tryin' a noo gun he hed.'* 
" Wal, all we ask 's to hev it understood 
You '11 take his gun away from him for good ; 
We don't, wal, not exac'ly, like his play, 
Seein' he alius kin' o' shoots our way. 
You kill your fatted calves to no good eend, 
'Thout his fust say in', ' Mother, I hev sinned ! ' " 
["Amen! " from Deac'n Greenleaf.] 

The Pres'dunt he thinks thet the slickest plan 

'Ould be t' allow thet he 's our on'y man. 

An' thet we fit thru all thet dreffle war 

Jes' for his private glory an' eclor ; 

" Nobody ain't a Union man," sez he, 

" 'Thout he agrees thru thick an' thin, with me ; 

War n't Andrew Jackson's 'nitials jes' like mine ? 

An' ain't thet sunthin' like a right divine 

To cut up ez kentenkerous ez I j^lease. 

An' treat your Congress like a nest o' fleas ? " 

Wal, I expec' the People would n' care, if 

The question now wuz techin' bank or tariff. 

But I conclude they 've 'bout made up their mind 

This ain't the fittest time to go it blind. 

Nor these ain't metters thet with pol'tics swings. 

But goes 'way down amongst the roots o' things ; 

Coz Sumner talked o' whitewashin' one day 

They wun't let four years' war be throwed away. 

" Let the South hev her rights ? " They say, 

" Thet 's you ! 
But nut greb hold of other folks 's tu." 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 307 

Who owns this country ? is it they or Andy ? 
Leastways it ough' to be the People and he ; 
Let him be senior pardner, ef he 's so, 
But let them kin' o' smuggle in ez Co ; [Laughter.] 
Did he diskiver it ? Consid'ble numbers 
Think thet the job wus taken by Columbus. 
Did he set tu an' make it wut it is ? 
Ef so, I guess the One-Man-power hez riz. 
Did he put thru the rebbles, clear the docket, 
An' pay th' expenses out of his own pocket ? 
Ef thet 's the case, then everythin' I exes 
Is t' hev him come an' pay my ennooal texes. 

[Profound sensation.] 
Was 't he thet shou'dered all them million guns ? 
Did he lose all the fathers, brothers, sons ? 
Is this ere pop'lar gov'ment thet we run 
A kin' o' sulky, made to kerry one ? 
An' is the country goin' to knuckle down 
To hev Smith sort their letters 'stid o' Brown ? 
Who wuz the 'Nited States 'fore Richmon' fell ? 
Wuz the South needfle their full name to spell ? 
An' can't we spell it in thet short-han' way 
Till th' underpinnin' 's settled so 's to stay ? 
Who cares for the Resolves of '61, 
Thet tried to coax an airthquake with a bun ? 
Hez act'ly nothin' taken place sence then 
To larn folks they must hendle fects like men ? 
Ain't this the true p'int ? Did the Rebs accep' 

'em? 
Ef nut, whose fault is 't thet we hev n't kep' 



308 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

War n't there two sides ? an' don't it stend to 

reason 
Thet this week's 'Nited States ain't las' week's 

treason ? 
IMien all these sums is done, with nothin' missed, 
An' nut afore, this school '11 be dismissed. 

I knowed ez wal ez though I 'd seen 't with eyes 

Thet when the war wuz over copper 'd rise, 

An' thet we 'd hev a rile-up in our kettle 

'T would need Leviathan's whole skin to settle ; 

I thought 'twould take about a generation 

'Fore we could wal begin to be a nation, 

But I allow I never did imegine 

'T would be our Pres'dunt thet 'ould drive a 

wedge in 
To keep the split from closin' ef it could, 
An' healin' over with new wholesome wood ; 
For th' ain't no chance o' healin' wliile they tlmik 
Thet law an' guv'ment 's only printer's ink ; 
I mus' confess I thank him for discoverin' 
The curus way in which the States are sovereign ; 
They ain't nut quite enough so to rebel. 
But, when they fin' it 's costly to raise h — , 

[A groan from Deac'n G.] 
Why, then, for jes' the same superl'tive reason. 
They 're most too much so to be tetched for trea- 
son ; 
They can't go out, but ef they somehow du, 
Their sovereignty don't noways go out tu ; 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 309 

The State goes out, the sovereignty don't stir, 

But stays to keep the door ajar for her. 

He thinks secession never took 'em out, 

An' mebby he 's correc', but I misdoubt ; 

Ef they war n't out, then why, 'n the name o* 

sin, 
Make all this row 'bout lettin' of 'em in ? 
In law, p'r'aps nut ; but there 's a diffurence, 

ruther, 
Betwixt your mother-'n-law an' real mother, 

[Derisive cheers.] 
An' I, for one, shall wish they 'd all been som'- 

eres, 
Long 'z U. S. Texes are seeh reg'lar comers. 
But, oh my patience ! must we wriggle back 
Into th' ole crooked, pettyfoggin' track, 
"When our artil'ry-wheels a road hev cut 
Stret to our purpose ef we keep the rut ? 
War 's jes' dead waste excep' to wipe the slate 
Clean for the cyph'rin' of some nobler fate. 

[Applause.] 

Ez for dependin' on their oaths an thet, 

'T wun't bind 'em more 'n the ribbin roun' my 

het ; 
I beared a fable once from Othniel Starns, 
Thet pints it slick ez weathercocks do barns : 
Onct on a time the wolves bed certing rights 
Inside the fold ; they used to sleep there nights. 
An', bein' cousins o' the dogs, they took 



310 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Their turns et watcliin', reg'lar ez a book ; 
But somehow, when the dogs hed gut asleep, 
Their love o' mutton beat their love o' sheep, 
Till gradilly the shepherds come to see 
Things war n't agoin' ez they 'd ough' to be ; 
So they sent off a deacon to remonstrate 
Along 'th the wolves an' urge 'em to go on 

straight ; 
They did n' seem to set much by the deacon. 
Nor preachin' did n' cow 'em, nut to speak on ; 
Fin'ly they swore thet they 'd go out an' stay, 
An' hev their fill o' mutton every day ; 
Then dogs an' shepherds, after much hard dam- 

min', [Groan from Deac'n G.] 

Turned tu an' give 'em a tormented lammin', 
An' sez, " Ye sha'n't go out, the murrain rot ye. 
To keep us wastin' half our time to watch ye ! " 
But then the question come, How live together 
'Thout losin' sleep, nor nary yew nor wether ? 
Now there wuz some dogs (noways wuth their 

keep) 
Thet sheered their cousins' tastes an' sheered the 

sheep ; 
They sez, " Be gin'rous, let 'em swear right in, 
An', ef they backslide, let 'em swear ag'in ; 
Jes' let 'em put on sheep-skins whilst they 're 

swearin' ; 
To ask for more 'ould be beyond all bearin'." 
*'Be gin'rous for yourselves, where you 're to 

pay, 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 811 

Thet 's the best prectice," sez a shepherd gray ; 
" Ez for their oaths they wun't be wuth a button, 
Long 'z you don't cure 'em o' their taste for mut- 
ton ; 
Th' ain't but one sohd way, howe'er you puzzle : 
Tell they 're convarted, let 'era wear a muzzle." 
[Cries of " Bully for you ! "] 

I 've noticed thet each half-baked scheme's abet- 
ters 
Are in the hebbit o' producin' letters 
Writ by aU sorts o' never-lieared-on fellers, 
'Bout ez oridge'nal ez the wind in bellers ; 
I 've noticed, tu, it 's the quack med'cines gits 
(An' needs) the grettest heaps o' stiffykits ; 

[Two apothekeries goes out.] 
Now, sence I lef off creepin' on all fours, 
I hain't ast no man to endorse my course ; 
It 's full ez cheap to be your own endorser, 
An' ef I 've made a cup, I '11 fin' the saucer ; 
But I 've some letters here from t' other side, 
An' them 's the sort thet helps me to decide ; 
Tell me for wut the copper-comp'nies hanker, 
An' I '11 tell you jest where it 's safe to anchor. 

[Faint hiss.] 

Fus'ly the Hon'ble B. 0. Sawin writes 
Thet for a spell he could n' sleep o' nights, 
Puzzlin' which side wuz preudentest to pin to, 
Which wuz th' ole homestead, which the temp'ry 

leanto ; 
Et fust he jedged 't would right-side-up his pan 



IH- nil: ma LOW rAVKiis. 

To come out ez a 'ridjje'nsU Union nuui, 
*• Hut iu>\v," ho so/., " 1 ain't nut quito so fresh; 
Tho uiunlu' horso is oH>in' to bo Sooosh ; 
\oii nui;ht, las' spriui;-, hov oas'lv walkoil tho 

ooiirso, 
'Foro MO oiuitiivoil io dociov th* Initui hofso ; 
JSow ii'(' 'vo tlio onos to >va.llv aioiin' tho uox* 

tiaok: 
.lost you tako hi>lil an" voail tho foUoiin' o\tvao\ 
C)ut of a lottor 1 roooivoil knst wook 
From an oU> frion' thot novor sprunt; a U\»k, 
A ^*\>thun IVni'i'iat o' th' ole Jai*soy bhu>. 
Born oo}>i>oi-shoathoil an' ooppovfastonoil tn." 

'' Theso four years i>ast it he/, boon tough 
To say whioh side a foUer went for ; 
Guiih^})osts all gone, roads nuuiily 'n rough. 
An' nothhi' duin' wnt 't wn/, nioant for ; 
Piokots a-lirln' h^ft an' right, 
BotJi sides a K^ttiu' rip ot siglit, — 
Life war n't wutli hardly pay in' rent for. 

*' C\>lun\by gut hor back up so. 
It war n't no use a-tiyin' to stop her, — 
War's oniptin's riled her very dough 
An' made it rise an' aet improper ; 
'T wuz full ez much ez 1 could du 
To jes' lay low an' worry thru', 
*Thout hov in' to soil out my copi)er. 



77//'; Jiiaijjw PAPERS. 313 

" Aforo the war your mod'rit rn(;n 
Could Ket an' Hun 'em on the i'eDcos, 
Cyph'riu' the ehancew up, an' tlien 
Jump off which way bcH' paid expenses ; 
Sence, 't wuh ho resky ary way, 
/ did n't liardly darnt to say 
I '{^reed with Paley's Evidences. 

[Groan from Deaf;'n G.] 

*' Ank Mac ef tryin' to set the fence 
War n't like bein* rid upon a rail on 't, 
Headin' your party with a sense 
O' bein' tipjint in the tail on 't, 
And tryin' to think thet, on the whole, 
You kin' o' quasi own your soul 
Wlien Belmont's \fyxt a bill o' sale on 't ? 

[Three cheerH for Grant and Shcrnuin.] 

" Come peace, I sposed thet folks 'ould like 
Their pol'tics done ag'in by proxy. 
Give their noo loves the bag an' strike 
A fresh trade with their reg'lar doxy ; 
But the drag 's broke, now slavery 's gone, 
An' there 's gret resk they '11 blunder on, 
Ef they ain't stopped, to real Democ'cy. 

" We 've gut an awful row to hoe 
In this 'ere job o' reeonstructin' ; 
Folks dunno skurce which way to go, 
Where th' ain't some boghole to be ducked in ; 



314 THE BIGLOW IWrKRS. 

l^ut, Olio tin no- 's clear ; there U a crack, 
Kf Ave j)ry haid, 'twixt Avhll(> an' black, 
Where the old makebate can be tucked hi. 

" No white man sets in airth's broad aisle 
Thet 1 ain't wilHn' 't own e/ brother, 
An' ef he 's heppened to strike ilo, 
I dunno, fin'ly, but 1 'd ruther ; 
An' Paddies, lon<;- '/, they vote all right, 
Though they ain't jest a nat'ral white, 
1 hold one on 'em good 'z another. [Applause.] 

" Wut is there let"' I 'd like to know, 
Ef 't ain't the diU'erence o' color. 
To keep up self-respec' an' show 
The human natur' of a fullah ? 
Wut good in bein' white, onless 
It 's fixed by law, nut lef to guess. 
That we are smarter an' they duller ? 

" Ef we 're to hev our ekle rights, 
'T wun't du to 'low no comi)etition ; 
Th' ole debt doo us for bein' whites 
Ain't safe onless we stop th' emission 
O' these noo notes, whose specie base 
Is human natur', 'thout no trace 
O' shape, nor color, nor condition. 

[Coutiuood applause.] 

*' So fur I 'd writ an' could n' jedge 
Aboard wut boat I 'd best take pessige, 



THE BKJLow rAFicm. 315 

My brains all mincemeat, 'thout no edge 

Upon 'em more than tu a sessige, 

But now it seernH ez thougli I see 

Sunthin' rc«omblin' an ideo, 

Sence Johnson's si)oe(;h an' veto message. 

" I like the speecli ])est, I confess, 

The logic, preudence, an' good taste on 't, 
An' it 's so mad, I rather guess 
There 's some dependen(;e to be placed on 't ; 

[Laughter.] 

It 's narrer, but 'twixt you an' me, 

Out o' the allies o' J. D. 

A temp'ry i)arty can be based on 't. 

" Jes' to hold on till Johnson 's thru 
An' dug his Presidential grave is. 
An' then ! — wlio knows but we could slew 

The country roun' to put in ? 

Wun't some follcs rare up when we pull 
Out o' their eyes our Union wool 
An' larn 'em wut a p'lit'cle shave is ! 

" Oh, did it seem 'z ef Providunce 
Could ever send a second Tyler ? 
To see the South all back to once, 
Reapin' the spiles o' the Freesiler, 
Is cute ez though an ingineer 
Should claim th' old iron for his sheer 
Coz 't was himself that bust the l)iler ! " 

[Gret laughter.] 



316 TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Thet tells the story ! Thet 's wut we shall git 

By try in squirtguns on the burnin' Pit ; 

For the day never comes when it '11 du 

To kick off Dooty like a worn-out shoe. 

I seem to hear a whisperin' in the air, 

A sighin' like, of unconsoled despair, 

Thet comes from nowhere an' from everywhere, 

An' seems to say, " Why died we ? war n't it, 

then, 
To settle, once for all, thet men wuz men ! ^ 

Oh, airth's sweet cup snetched from us barely 

tasted. 
The grave's real chill is f eelin' life wuz wasted ! 
Oh, you we lef, long-lingerin' et the door, 
Lovin' you best, coz we loved Her the more, 
Thet Death, not we, had conquered, we should 

feel 
Ef she upon our memory turned her heel. 
An' unregretful throwed us all away 
To flaunt it in a Blind Man's Holiday ! " 

My frien's I 've talked nigh on to long enough. 
I hain't no call to bore ye coz ye 're tough ; 
My lungs are sound, an' our own v'ice delights 
Our ears, but even kebbige-heads hez rights. 
It 's the las' time thet I shell e'er address ye. 
But you '11 soon fin' some new tormentor : bless 

ye! 
[Tumult'ous applause and cries of "Go on!" "Don't 
stop! "] 



INDEX. 



A. wants his axe ground, 191. 

Abraham (Lincoln), his constita- 
tional scruples, 190. 

Abuse, an, its usefulness, 229. 

Adam, his fall, 244 — how if 
he had bitten a sweet apple? 
256. 

Adam, grandfather, forged will 
of, 153. 

Allsmash, the eternal, 204. 

Americans bebrothered, 137. 

Antiquaries, Royal Society of 
Northern, 213. 

Antony of Padua, Saint, happy 
in his hearers, 165. 

Applause, popular, the summum 
bonum, 220. 

Ar c' houskezik, an evil spirit, 
165. 

Ardennes, Wild Boar of, an an- 
cestor of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 
101. 

Aristocracy, British, their natu- 
ral sjnnpathies, 183. 

Atropos, a lady skilful with the 
scissors, 253. 

Austin, Saint, prayer of, 100. 

Austrian eagle split, 230. 



B. 

B., a Congressman, vide A. 

Bacon, his rebellion, 168. 

Bacon, Lord, quoted, 167, 170. 

Balcom, Elder Joash Q., 2d, 
founds a Baptist society in 
Jaalam, A. D. 1830, 277. 

Bartlett, Mr., mistaken, 130. 

Beast, tenth horn of, applied to 
recent events, 249. 



Beaufort, 207. 

Beauregard (real name Toutant), 
143, 189. 

Beaver, brook, 291. 

Behn, Mr. Aphra, quoted, 168. 

Bentley, his heroic method with 
Milton, 214. 

Bible, not composed for use of 
colored persons, 176. 

Biglow, Hosea, Esquire, his la- 
bors in writing autographs, 99 

— visits the Judge and has a 
pleasant time, 130 — bom in 
Middlesex County, 143 — hia 
favorite walks, ib. — his gifted 
pen, 200 — born and bred in 
the country, 236 — feels hia 
sap start in spring, 238 — is 
at times unsocial, 239 — the 
school-house where he learned 
his a-b-c, 240 — falls asleep, 
241 — his ancestor a Cromwel- 
lian colonel, 242 — finds it 
harder to make up his mind as 
he grows older, 244 — wishes 
he could write a song or two, 
255 — liable to moods, 287 — 
loves nature and is loved iu 
return, 288 — describes some 
favorite haunts of his, 289-291 

— his slain kindred, 291, 292 — 
his speech in March meeting, 
295 — does not reckon on being 
sent to Congress, 299 — has no 
eloquence, ib. — his own re- 
porter, 301 — never abused the 
South, 303 — advise Uncle Sam, 
ib. — is not Boston-mad, 305 

— bids farewell, 316. 

Billy, Extra, demagogus, 268, 

269. 
Bjarna Grimolfsson, invents 

smoking, 216. 



318 



INDEX. 



Bobolink, the, 238. 

Boggs, a Norman name, 181. 

Bogus Four-Corners Weekly Me- 
ridian, 218. 

Bonds, Confederate, their specie 
basis cutlery, 117 — wlien pay- 
able (attention, British stock- 
holders !), 204. 

Boston has a good opinion of 
itself, 145. 

Bowers, Mr. Arphaxad, an ingen- 
ious photographic artist, 213. 

Brains, poor substitute for, 147. 

Bream, their only business, 130. 

Brigadiers, nursing ones, ten- 
dency in to literary composi- 
tion, lOS. 

Brigitta, viridis, 207. 

Britannia, her trident, 159. 

Brotherliood, subsides after elec- 
tion, 227. 

Brutus Four-Corners, 101. 

Buchanan, a wise and honest 
man, 183. 

Buffaloes, herd of, probable in- 
fluence of tracts upon, 25G. 

Bull, John, prophetic allusion to 
by Horace, 135 — his "Run," 
143 — his mortgage, 153 — un- 
fortunate dip of, 204 — wool 
pulled over his eyes, 20G. 

Buncombe, mutual privilege in, 
189. 

Burke, Mr., his age of chivalry 
surpassed, 179. 

Burleigh, Lord, quoted for some- 
thing said in Latin long before, 
169. 

Burns, Robert, a Scottish poet, 
129. 

Bushy Brook, 173. 

Butler, Bishop, 199. 



Cabbage-heads, the, always in 
majority, 300. 

Cabinet, English, makes a blun- 
der, 139. 

Calyboosus, career, 272. 

Canaan in quarterly uistalmeuts, 
220. 

Captains, choice of, important, 
302. 

Carolina, foolish act of, 302. 

Caroline, case of, 137. 

Century, nineteenth, 184. 



ChamberlajTie, Doctor, consola- 
tory citation from, 170. 

Chance, an apotliegm concern- 
ing, 107 — is impatient, 246. 

Cliaplain, a one-horse, stern- 
wheeled variety of, 114. 

Charles I., accident to his neck, 
245. 

Charles II., his restoration, how 
brought about, 245. 

Cicero, 300. 

Cincinnati, old, law and order 
party of, 230. 

Clotho, a Grecian lady, 253. 

Cohunbiads, the true filteen-inch 
ones, 22G. 

Cohunbus will perhaps be re- 
membered, 212 — Columbu?, 
thought by some to have dis- 
covered America, 307. 

Compromise system, the, illus- 
trated, 223. 

Conciliation, its meaning, 256. \. 

Congress, a stumbling-block, 188. 

Co-operation defined, 182. 

Corduroy-road, a novel one, 109. 

Corner-stone, patent safety, 187. 

Cotton loan, its imaginary na- 
ture, 116. 

Country, Earth's biggest, gets a 
soul, 261. 

Court, Supreme, 190. 

Courts of law, English, their or 
thodoxy, 219. 

Cousins, British, our ci-devant, 
139. 

Credit defined, 205. 

Creditors all on Lincoln's side 
187. 

Crockett, a good rule of, 118. 

Ci-uden, Alexander, his Concord- 
ance, 102. 

Currency, Ethiopian, inconven 
iences of, 118. 

Cyntliia, her hide as a means of 
conversion, 125. 



D. 

Dfpdalus first taught men to sit 

on fences, 171. 
Daniel in the lion's den, 112. 
Darkies, dread freedom, 187. 
Davis, Captain Isaac, finds out 

something to his adviuitage, 

144. 
Davis, Jefferson (a new species 



INDEX. 



319 



of martyr), has the latest ideas 
on all subjects, 117 — superior 
in financiering to patriarch 
Jacob, 119 — is some, 185 — 
carries Constitution in his hat, 
188 — knows how to deal with 
his Congress, 188 — astonished 
at his own piety, 202 — packed 
up for Nasliville, 207 — tempt- 
ed to believe his own lies, ib. 

— his snake egg, 225 — the 
blood on his hands, 292. 

De Bow (a famous political econ- 
omist), 179. 
Democracy, false notion of, 192 

— its privileges, 258. 
Demosthenes, 300. 
Dixie, the land of, 187. 

Doe, Hon. Preserved, speech of, 
219-231. 

Downing Street, 134. 

Dreams, sometlaing about, 241, 
242. 

Dwight, President, a hymn un- 
justly attributed to, 248. 



Eagle, national, the late, his es- 
tate administered upon, 122. 

Edwards, Jonathan, 282. 

Eggs, bad, the worst sort of, 
230, 231. 

Emerson, 130. 

Emilius, Panlus, 140. 

Enfield's Speaker, abuse of, 229. 

England, late Mother-Country, 
her want of tact, 131 — merits 
as a lecturer, 133 — her real 
greatness not to be forgotten, 
140 — not contented (unwisely) 
with her owti stock of fools, 
146 — natural maker of inter- 
national law, 147 — her theory 
thereof, 148 — makes a partic- 
ularly disagreeable kind of 
sarse, ib. — somewhat given to 
bullying, 149 — has respecta- 
ble relations, 150 — ought to 
be Columbia's friend, 151. 

Epimenides, the Cretan Rip Van 
Winkle, 165. 

Ericsson, his caloric engine, 125. 

Eriksson, Thorwald, slain by na- 
tives, 218. 

Essence peddlers, 192. 

Ethiopian, the, his first need, 199. 



Ezekiel would make a poor fig- 
ure at a caucus, 233. 



Faber, Johannes, 283. 

Facts, their unamiability, 209 — 

compared to an old-fashioned 

stage-coach, 221. 
Falstaffii, legio, 268. 
Family-trees, a primitive forest 

of, 223. 
Fenianorum, rixw, 267. 
Fergusson, liis "Mutual Com- 
plaint," &c., 129. 
F. F., singular power of their 

looks, 187. 
Fitz, Miss Parthenia Almira, a 

sheresiarch, 279. 
Flirt, Mrs., 168. 
Flirtilla, elegy on death of, 281. 
Floyd, a taking character, 204. 
Floydus, farcifer, 268. 
Fool, a cursed, his inalienable 

rights, 259. 
Fourth of July, ought to know 

its place, 227. 
France about to put her foot in 

it, 186. 
Friar, John, 138. 



Gabriel, his last trump, its press- 
ing nature, 222. 

Gardiner, Lieutenant Lion, 143. 

Gentleman, high-toned South- 
ern, scientifically classed, 171. 

Geese, how infallibly to make 
swans of, 146. 

Gideon, his sword needed, 155. 

Gilbert, Sir Humphrey, 217. 

God, the only honest dealer, 161. 

Goings, Mehetable, unfounded 
claim of, disproved, 131. 

Governor, our excellent, 100. 

Grandfather, Mr. Biglow's, safe 
advice of, 144. 

Grandfathers, the, knew some- 
thing, 155. 

Grand jurors, Southern, their 
way of finding a true bill, 113. 

Granlus, Dux, 269. 

Gravestones, the evidence of 
Dissenting ones held doubtful, 
219. 



320 



INDEX. 



Habeas corpus, new mode of sus- 
pending it, 202. 

Hail Columbia, raised, 113. 

Ham, his seed, 175 — their privi- 
lege in the Bible, ib. — im- 
moral justification of, 177. 

Hampton Roads, disaster in, 199. 

Hat, a leaky one, 116. 

Hawkins, his whetstone, 125. 

Hawthorne, 130. 

Hay-rick, electrical experiments 
with, 258. 

Headlong, General, 140. 

Hell, the opinion of some con- 
cerning, 241 — breaks loose, 
256. 

Hens, self-respect attributed to, 
108. 

Herb, the Circean, 218. 

Herbert, George, next to David, 
166. 

Hermon, fourth proof dew of, 
175. 

Hessians, native American sol- 
diers, 189. 

Hickory, Old, his method, 257. 

Higgses, their natural aristoc- 
racy of feeling, 180. 

Hitchcock, the Rev. Jeduthun, 
colleague of Mr. Wilbur, 101 — 
letter from, containing notices 
of Mr. Wilbur, 247 — ditto, en- 
closing macaronic verses, 262 
— teacher of high-school, 283. 

Hitchcock, Doctor, 214. 

Hogs, their dreams, 108. 

Holiday, blindman's, 316. 

Holmes, Dr., author of "Annals 
of America," 100. 

Homer, eldest son of Mr. Wilbur, 
281. 

Hotels, big ones, humbugs, 156. 

House, a strange one described, 
107. 

Huldab, her bonnet, 244. 



Icelander, a certain uncertain, 

217. 
Idea, the Southern, its natural 

foes, 206 — the true American, 

305. 
Ideas, friction ones iinsafe, 228. 
Idyl, defined, 128. 



Indecision, mole-blind, 304. 
Ishmael, young, 156. 



Jaalatn, unjustly neglected by 

great events, 217. 
Jaalam, East Parish of, 101. 
Jacobus rex, 268. 
Jamaica, 303. 

Jefferson, Thomas, well-mean- 
ing but injudicious, 228. 
Jerusha, ex-Mrs. Sawin, 121. 
Jeremiah hardly the best guide 

in modern politics, 233. 
Johnson, Andrew, as he used to 

be, 226 — as he is. See .4r- 

nold, Benedict. 
Jonah, his gourd, 178 — his una,- 

nimity in the whale, 184. 
Jonathan to John, 157. 
Journals, British, their brutal 

tone, 132. 
Juanito, 212. 
Judea not identical with A. D., 

245. 
Judge, the, his garden, 130 — his 

hat covers many things, ib. 



L. 

Lablache surpassed, 196. 

Laura, exploited, 281. 

Learning, three-story, 240. 

Letcher, de In vieille roche, 181. 

Letcherus, nebulo, 268. 

Lettres Cabalistiques, quoted, 
135. 

Lexington, 143. 

Licking, when constitutional, 
190. 

Lincoln, too shrewd to hang Ma- 
son and SUdeU, 208. 

Literature, Southern, its abun- 
dance, 181. 

Little Big Boosy River, 120. 

Lord, inexpensive way of lending 
to, 116. 

Lords, Southern, prove pur sang 
by ablution, 179. 

Lyceus, 271. 



Magoffin, a name naturally noble, 
181. 



INDEX. 



321 



Mandeville, Sir John, quoted, 

135. 
Maori chieftains, 132. 
Mapes, Walter, quoted, 138 — 

paraphrased, ib. 
Marius, quoted, 170. 
Mason an F. F. V., 208. 
Mason and Slidell, how they 

might have been made at once 

usefiil and ornamental, 208. 
Maury, an intellectual giant, 

twin birth with Simms (which 

see), 182. 
Mayday a humbug, 235. 
Me, Mister, a queer creature, 

238. 
Medium, ardentispirituale, 266. 
Mediums, spiritual, dreadful 

liars, 243. 
Memminger, old, 118. 
Middleton, Thomas, quoted, 168. 
Mill, Stuart, his low ideas, 206. 
Millenniums, apt to miscarry, 

260. 
Millspring, 207. 
Mills, Josiah's, 239. 
Milton, an English poet, 214 — 

his "Hymn of the Nativity," 

250. 
Missionaries, useful to alligators, 

109 — culinary liabilities of, 

176. 
Montezuma, licked, 110. 
Montaigne, 283. 
Moody, Seth, his remarkable 

gvm, 121 — his brother Asaph, 

ib. 
Moquis Indians, praiseworthy 

custom of, 210, 
Moses (not A. J. Moses), prudent 

way of following, 220. 
Muse invoked, 266. 



N. 

Nana Sahib, 134. 

Nancy, presumably Mrs. Biglow, 
143. 

Napoleon III., his new chairs, 
201. 

Nation, young, its first needs, 
203. 

Negroes, their double useful- 
ness, 119 — getting too current, 
204. 

New World, apostpophe to, 156. 

Nicotiana Tabacum, a weed, 216. 



Noblemen, Nature's, 183, 
North, the, its mind naturally 

imprincipled, 228. 
Northern Dagon, 122. 
Northmen, gens inclyiissima, 

Notre Dame de la Haine, 172. 
Nowhere, march to, 240. 
Now, its merits, 240. 



O'Brien, Smith, 134. 
Old age, an advantage of, 127. 
Old One invoked, 196. 
Onesimus made to serve the 

cause of impiety, 177. 
Opinion, British, its worth to us, 

139. 
Opinions, certain ones compared 

to winter flies, 166. 
Ovidii Nasonis, carmen supposi- 

tiiium, 266. 



P. 

Paley, his Evidences, 313. 

Panurge, 138. 

Paper, plausible'^ooking, wanted, 
203. 

Patriarchs, the, illiterate, 124. 

Pairicius, brogipotens, 267. 

People, the, decline to be Mexi- 
canized, 221. 

Pepperell, General, quoted, 142. 

Pequash Junction, 283. 

Perley, Mr. Asaph, has charge of 
bass-viol, 164. 

Perseus, King, his avarice, 141. 

Petrarch, exploited Laura, 281. 

Petronius, 138. 

Pettibone, Jabez, bursts up, 182. 

Pettus, came over with Wilhel- 
mus Conquistor, 181. 

Phaon, 281. 

Pharaoh, his lean kine, 155. 

Phillips, Wendell, catches a Tar- 
tar, 230. 

Pickens, a Norman name, 181. 

Pilcoxes, genealogy of, 101. 

Pilgrim Father, apparition of, 
242. 

Pine-trees, their sympathy, 239. 

Poets apt to become sophisti- 
cated, 235. 

Polk, nomen gentile, 181. 



322 



INDEX. 



Pomp, a negro, 108. 

Portico, the, 278. 

Power, a first-class, elements of, 
201. 

President, the, his policy, 306 — 
his resemblance to Jackson, 
ib. 

Princes, mix cocktails, 201. 

Principles, when useless, 226. 

Professor, Latin, in Col- 
lege, 2G5—Scaliger, 266. 

Prophecies, fulfilment of, 208. 

Prospect Hill, l-li. 

Providence has a natural life- 
preserver, 156. 

Psyche, poor, 286. 

Punkin Falls " "Weekly Paral- 
lei," 249. 

Putnam, General Israel, his 
lines, 144. 



Quid, ingens nicotianum, 270. 



R. 

Rafn, Professor, 213. 

Religion, Southern, its commer- 
cial advantages, 172. 

Ricos Hombres, 169. 

Ringtail Rangers, 123. 

Roanoke Island, 207. 

Roosters in rainy weather, their 
misery, 107. 

Rotation insures mediocrity and 
inexperience, 191. 

Royal Society, American fellows 
of, 249. 

Rum and water combine kindly, 
221. 

Runes resemble bird-tracks, 214. 

Runic inscriptions, their differ- 
ent grades of unintelligibility, 
and consequent value, 213. 

Russell, Earl, is good enough to 
expound our Constitution for 
us, 133. 

Ryeus, Bacchi epitheton, 271. 



Sailors, their rights how won, 

269. 
Samuel, avunculus, 269. 
Samuel, Uncle, 112 — makes 



some shrewd guesses, 157-162 

— expects his boots, 183. 
Sappho, some human nature in, 

281. 

Sassy Cus, an impudent Indian, 
143. 

Satan, his worst pitfall, 177. 

Sawin, Honorable B. O'F., a vein 
of humor suspected in, 103 — 
gets into an enchanted castle, 
107 — finds a wooden leg bet- 
ter in some respects than a liv- 
ing one, 109 — takes something 
hot, 110 — his experience of 
Southern hospitality, 110-113 

— water-proof internally, 112 

— sentenced to ten years' im- 
prisonment, 113 — his liberal- 
handedness, 116 — gets his ar- 
rears of pension, 117 — marries 
the Widow Shannon, 119 — con- 
fiscated, 122 — finds in himself 
a natural necessity of income, 
123 — his missionary zeal, 125 

— never a stated attendant on 
Mr. Wilbur's preacliing, 164 — 
sang bass in choir, -ib. — pru- 
dently avoided contribution 
toward bell, ib. — abhors a cov- 
enant of works, 173 — if saved 
at all, must be saved genteelly, 
174 — reports a sermon, 175- 
177 — experiences religion, 178 

— would consent to a duke- 
dom, 179 — converted to una- 
nimity, 184 — sound views of, 
190-192 — makes himself an 
extempore marquis, 193 — ex- 
tract of letter from, 242-247 — 
his opinion of Paddies, 244 — 
of Johnson, 246. 

Scrimgour, Rev. Shearjashiib, 
203. 

Sea, the wormy, 135. 

Secessia, licia, 2G9. 

Secession, its legal nature de- 
fined, 123. 

Secret, a great military, 153. 

Seneca, quoted, 175. 

Sermons, some pitched too high, 
165. 

Seward, Mister, the late, his 
gift of prophecy, 144 — needs 
stitt'ening, 234 — misunder- 
stands parable of fatted calf, 
ib. 

Seymour, Governor, 257. 

Shakespeare, 209. 



INDEX. 



323 



Shannon, Mrs., a widow, 115 — 
her family and accomplish- 
ments, 120 — has tantrums, 121 

— her religious views, 174, 175 

— her notions of a moral and 
intellectual being, 178 — her 
maiden name, 179 — her blue 
blood, ib. 

Shiraz Centre, lead -mine at, 

182. 
Shirley, Governor, 142. 
Shoddy, poor covering for outer 

or inner man, 245. 
Shot at sight, privilege of being, 

183. 
Skim-milk has its own opinions, 

243. 
Skippers, Yankee, busy in the 

slave-trade, 176, 
Simms, an intellectual giant, 

twin-birth with Maury (which 

see) 182, 
Slidell, New York trash, 209. 
Smiihius, dux, 2G7. 
Bloanshure, Habakkuk, Esquire, 

President of Jaalam Bank, 

195. 
Soft-heartedness, misplaced is 

soft-headedness, 259. 
Soldiers, British, ghosts of, in- 
subordinate, 145. 
Solomon, Song of, portions of it 

done into Latin verse by Mr. 

Wilbur, 264, 
Soul, injurious properties of, 

192. 
South, the, its natural eloquence, 

229 — facts have a mean spite 

against, 209. 
South Carolina, her pedigrees, 

169. 
Southern men, their imperfect 

notions of labor, 113 — of sub- 
scriptions, 116 — too high- 
pressure, 125 — prima facie 

noble, 181. 
Spirit-rapping does not repay the 

spirits engaged in it, 243. 
Split-Foot, Old, made to squirm, 

125, 
Spring, described, 236-238. 
Statesman, a genuine, defined, 

227. 
Stearns, Othniel, fable by, 309, 

310, 
Stone Spike, the, 145. 
Style, the catalogue, 238, 
Siunpter, shame of, 153, 



Sunday, should mind its own 

business, 227. 
Swett, Jethro C, his faU, 295. 



Taney, C. J., 190, 

Tarandfeather, Rev. Mr,, 185. 

Tarbox Shear jashub, first white 
child born in Jaalam, 131. 

Tartars, Mongrel, 111. 

Teapots, how made dangerous, 
255. 

Ten, the upper, 184. 

Thacker, Rev. Preserved, D. D., 
247. 

Thanksgiving, Feejee, 111. 

Theleme, Abbey of, 106. 

Theocritus, the inventor of idyl- 
lic poetry, 128. 

Theory, defined, 220. 

Thermopyles, too many, 207. 

" They 'U say " a notable bully, 
151, 

Thoreau, 130. 

Thougiits, live ones character- 
ized, 288. 

TibuUus, 253. 

Tinkham, Deacon Pelatiah, story 
concerning, not told, 106 — 
alluded to, 127 — does a very 
sensible thing, 173. 

Toombs, a doleful sound from, 
209, 

Tuileries, front-parlor of, 201, 

Tunnel, northwest-passage, a 
poor investment, 195. 

Turkey-Buzzard Roost, 120. 

Tuscaloosa, 120. 

Tutchel, Rev. Jonas, a Sadducee, 
218, 

Tylerus, juvenis insignis, 267 — 
porphyrogenitiis, 268 — Johan- 
nides, flito ceteris, 270 — bene 
titus, 271. 

Tyrants, European, how made to 
tremble, 115. 



Ulysses, rex, 267. 

Unanimity, new ways of produc- 
ing, 184, 

Union, its hoops off, 183 — its 
good old meaning, 222. 

Universe, its breeching, 186. 



324 



INDEX. 



Us, nobody to be compared with, 
116, auusee World, passim. 



V. 

Vattel, as likely to fall on your 
toes ivs on mine, 158. 

Victoria, Queen, her best car- 
pets, 201. 

Vhiland, 217. 

Virginia, deseripta, 2G7, 270. 

Virginians, their false heraldry, 
1G7. 

Voltaire, esprit de, 2G6. 



W. 

"Wachnset Moimtain, 151. 

Wait, General, 140. 

Wales, Prince of, calls Brother 
Jonathiui consanffuincus nos- 
(er, 137 — but liad not, appar- 
ently, cons\ilted the Garter 
King at Arms, ib. 

Warren, Fort, 255. 

WafchnianuSf noctivagus, 272. 

We, 240. 

Weakwash, a name fatally typ- 
ical, 143. 

Webster, his unabridged quarto, 
its deleteriousness, 204. 

Wiokliffe, Robert, consequences 
of his bursting, 255. 

Wilbur, Mrs. Dorcas (Pilcox), 
tribute to, 24t). 

Wilbur, Rev. Homer, M. A., his 
modesty, 07 — disclsvims sole \ 
authorship of Mr. Biglow's ' 
writings, i^S — his low opinion I 
of preyiensive autographs, 100 \ 

— a chaphun in iS12, llH — 
cites a heathen comedian, ib, 

— his f ouduess for the Book of | 



Job, ib. — preaches a Fast-day 
discourse, 105 — is prevented 
from narrating a singular oc- 
currence, lOG — is presented 
with a pair of new spectacles, 
120 — his churcli services in- 
decorously sketclied by Mr. 
Sawin, 177 — hopes to decipher 
a Runic inscription, IIU — a 
fable by, 105-lOS — deciphers 
Runic inscription, 211-217 — 
his method therein, 215 — is 
ready to reconsider his opin- 
ion of tobacco, 218 — liis opin- 
ion of the Puritans, 233 — his 
death, 247 — born in Pigsgus- 
set, ib.— letter of Rev. Mr. 
Hitchcock concerning, 247-249 

— fond of Milton's Christmas 
hymn, 250 — his monument 
(proposed), 251 — his epitaph, 

ib. — his last letter, 251-255 

— his supposed diseuibodie».r 
spirit, 202 — table belonging 
to, 203 — sometimes wrote 
Latin verses, 2t>4 — his table- 
talk, 273-285 — his prejudices, 
277 — against Baptists, ib. — 
his sweet nature, 295 — his 
views of style, 298 — a story of 
his, 300. 

Wilkes, Captain, borrows rashh-, 
140. 

Wingfield, his "Memorial," 171. 

Works, covenants of, condemned, 
173. 

World, this, its unhappy tem- 
per, 108. 

Writing dangerous to reputation, 
102. 

Y. 

Yankees, their worst wooden 
nutmegs, 210. 






LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

iiiliiillilliiliiiiil 

015 988 513 6 « 



'v''J' 


'.;'■'" 


"^F^ 

^^^ 


. ■''■'■>, 


'■M!: 


fl 


'-;-:■'' 


'■ ' jP 


^H 


: ^■'':': 






: • WVy 






;:i^:}mim 


•^ 


' -'^-''-^i-'M'' 


'(•■/■■^-^ 


^■S- 


:;^;"^^'-^y's 


m\ 


i^ 


.•'''i''-c\\<^^.'d^'''-' 


'■■i~>f)^' 




■-'^'••-MM-'; 


.^fe^ 


■ 


'i^M&i 


in 


■ 


:cmM 


■ 


■ 



